Just starting out...

[jojo 0]

I have been reading and researching and am ready to start on my band journey. I have my consult appt on May 2nd and cant wait. I am so ready yet so scared. I hope everything goes well. All of your advice I have been reading has really helped. I was wondering though if it is better to be up front with people and tell them what I am doing or just keep it to myself and avoid any weight loss questions when I start to lose after surgery? Any opinions?:rolleyes

[susieq321 31]

There are pros and cons for both, some people are nice, some are rude, some are your personal police for food, some just don't get it. I told my close friends and kept the numbers who knew down to a minimum.

I have told others over the years and reactions are still mixed. Look at your friends, be prepared to be surprised good and bad and choose wisely.

[jojo 0]

Thanks for your input. I think I am just embarassed that I need to do this surgery. My husband is very supportive but I find it a really personal thing and not sure I want to tell others. Most people around me are thin and cant imagine why I am not.

[faithmd 14]

Here's a link to a very interesting poll about whether folks told or not:

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=31977

I have only told my husband and my parents about where I am at in my journey, and NO ONE knows how much I weigh other than my clinicians. Sometimes I think I shouldn't have told my mom, as she wants to tell others. I've told a very good friend I'm planning on it, but lately I've decided not to tell her if I get it or not. I think I'm just going to stop talking about it and see if she forgets. I've decided not to tell because I don't want food police and I really don't want folks constantly asking how much I've lost and why I'm not losing faster, etc... I know people only have the best of intentions, but I'd just rather keep it to myself.

In every other aspect of my life, I'm pretty much an open book, I share a lot, probably too much, actually. So I wonder if this will be hard for me to keep quiet about, but I'm going to try.

[jojo 0]

Thanks faithmd for responding. I dont want to be watched as to what I eat or dont eat. I just want people to accept me for me and not what I eat or weigh. I have to boys and dont know what or if I should tell them. I dont want them to worry or think they arent acceptable if they arent thin. I know this is usually a worry when you have girls, but I think more and more boys are suffering with eating disorders and low self esteem due to body image. I dont want to pass on my issues to them but I also wont lie to them. I guess I will just decide what to do when or if it happens. I dont even have a surgery date yet.:omg:

[Mr. Yoda 0]

It is sad that the spiteful nature of the human race far out weighs (no pun here) the understanding of the select few that either know what a banded person has gone through to get here, and sympathize with their plight. I know of both sides of the coin; my wife and I have said nothing (she has been banded a year and I will be in a few days) and everyone is amazed and proud of her effort and results. And we know of another bandster that has told everyone about getting it and they are happy for her losses to her face and as soon as she has turned away they are venomous and mean towards her losses believing it is the Band and not her efforts that are doing it. They also watch her every move to see if she will fail, and I think they secretly hope she does so they have more to talk about.

It is truly up to the individual to tell or not. There is no shame in getting the band; it is just a tool to help with the weight loss. Are people ashamed of using Nicorette gum or the patch when they are quitting smoking? The band is the same, as we are trying to curb our eating and change our habits.

The only difference is that Obesity is not a socially accepted problem. Where other addictions and illnesses are conceived a communal responsibility, being fat is no ones fault but that of the fat person, for people that are lazy and/or gluttons. Some people realise that it can come from other sources the vast majority only see the tunnel view of ‘it is our own fault.’

That is why it is an individual’s personal choice to tell or not. If the person is strong enough to endure the eyes and tongues of people around them, by all means tell! Or does the person believe the journey will be hard enough without the people watching every move, then silence is golden.

All this to say, it’s really up to you…

[susieq321 31]

I can honestly say most of my friends just don't get it.. they are delighted I am so much healthier but they are naturaly thin work out all the time so they don't get needing the help. I have had people who are morbidly obese tell me they don't need such drastic help or to cheat.. they can just exercise and move more and lose it... that is working out so well that 4 years later they are still morbidly obese.

I think you get over the embarassment and the shame quickly. But you don't want people thinking you are taking it easy etc. The band isn't easy you still do all the work. Thinking this is easy is like thinking Oprah has it easy to lose and maintain weight loss, she may have the cooks and the trainers and the equipment but she still has to make the time and do the work personally, you can't hire someone else to do it for you. The band is like that you still need to do the work.

Personally if just general people ask me how I did it I say ate better and less and moved more which is very true. I also look at how people react to obese people and people are mean. Keep in mind you are doing what millions of people never would you are putting your money where your mouth is literally!!! I would watch reactions to your weight loss and tell once you start losing selectively.

[jojo 0]

Mr. Yoda and Susie, thanks for the advice. I am going to keep this to myself as I really feel it is an extremely personal matter and one that is no one's business. I just hate being deceitful, but have come to the decision that telling someone I am losing weight by eating less and moving more is exactly what the truth will be. Besides, I think a great part of why I am so big is because I never put myself first. It is time to worry more about what I think and much less about what others think.

[Heldie 0]

Jojo - I don't see my withholding information about being banded as deceitful. You are entitled to your privacy and if and when people ask how you lost weight, you can truthfully say that you are limiting your portions, making some healthier choices and going out for a walk on a nice day a bit more. (which is what I say!)

[Gaffer 1]

Mr. Yoda and Susie, thanks for the advice. I am going to keep this to myself as I really feel it is an extremely personal matter and one that is no one's business. I just hate being deceitful, but have come to the decision that telling someone I am losing weight by eating less and moving more is exactly what the truth will be. Besides, I think a great part of why I am so big is because I never put myself first. It is time to worry more about what I think and much less about what others think.

From my personal experience it easier to keep it a secret, You cant "un-tell" people about it. I chose to tell those that I knew would be supportive, and although I have many people in my life, very few of them know because I did not think they would understand.

Do what is right for you, but dont beat yourself up over whether people know or not. You are entititled to some privacy in the matter, and it is much easier when you are not worried about what others think.

Andrew

[joe7777 1]

I am in the limbo...do i tell...do i not? I think i wont and then when i start losing then i may redecide. I have had the conversation with my friends in my head...but not out loud. I just wish i knew how they would react...either way...i am DEFINITELY not telling anyone before the band... I don't want to hear anything about it. I have previously heard my family (aunts and uncles) discuss my weight...like they have knowledge of what it's like. If anyone has seen the documentary Fat: what they are not telling you...In that a doctor makes a very good point. If we had the abundance of food that we have today 60 years ago...a lot of people passing judgement today, would be overweight themselves. Also a quote i like: Obesity, it's the easiest thing to NOT understand.

[susansilver 0]

Hi JoJo,

About telling your boys... I have a 9 year old daughter and I too was worried about waht to tell her. I decided to tell her the truth but I prefaced it with...You know how mommy has struggled with her weight, even since I was as young as you....now I am doing this to get healthy because unlike other people eating healthy and exercising have not worked for me.....

She seems fine with it and then we talked about her eating healthy and she is doing great! I go for surgery next week and she is very supportive.

Good luck with your consult (Same day as my surgery)

Susan