Help, I dont want to tell my boss

[snowkitten 371]

Im really hoping someone can help me figure out what to tell my boss. I HATE to lie. It doesn’t come easily to me but I know its necessary in this case. I work for a very large hospital (billing part) that requires both pto and advance notice for time off. The problem with that is I don’t have any pto, and probably never will as Im on FMLA for a chronic disease (Immune Deficiency). Because I don’t have to give advanced notice or have pto for anything related to my immune deficiency I would like to tell my boss my surgery is for something related. Technically the wls IS related (obesity lowers the immune system, there are increased infections associated with it, and my treatment isn’t working because Im at the max dose because of my weight); however I don’t want to tell her im having wls because I don’t think they will believe me when I say its for my immune system (she’s kinda anti-wls).

I know by law I don’t have to tell my boss any details, but im kinda close to her and tell her everything so It would look funny if I all of a sudden decided to be secretive. This would especially be true since were both coders and we tend to want to know everything about medical.

SO my question is this; do you have any ideas of what surgery I could tell my boss that im having that is related to the stomach/immunity.

Im thinking something like worm removal (since she knows I have a Protein deficiency and this would be consistant) or intestine obstruction. Something just embarrassing enough that she wont ask questions. Any ideas??

[JCP 619]

That's a tough one. Maybe someone with more experience can answer this. I told my boss but I know I can trust him as we have a good relationship (not friends outside of work, just able to talk and share at work).

I did think about telling him it was just colon surgery for a medical condition and leave it at that. I do have diverticulitis and know someone who had surgery for it. But in the end, I decided to tell him and he was very supportive as he battled (and won) his own weight problems, but via exercise.

I have told only my closest friends otherwise, however.

I have very little PTO but will have to go without pay for the time off beyond my balance.

You might just want to say colon surgery for a medical condition (all true) and it's a bit personal so you don't want to go into detail. The restricted diet and weight loss would be logical afterward.

Edited June 19, 2014 by JCP

[Cmoore254 6]

I too have a boss that appears to be anti-wls and work in a medical billing office. (A Certified Professional Coder) We were talking about a new clinic that recently opened and she made the commit "Well I hope that they are giving those people some counseling. I decided to request the time off and leave out the why. After I start losing and if she asks, I will tell her the truth. I think that your reasoning of how the obesity (a disease) is effecting your medical management of your other conditions, if she must know is a perfect explanation. At first I did not want to tell anyone, even my closest friends. When I came out, people used terms like desperate measures, and jumping off a cliff. My primary care physician had the sleeve also, and advised me that we all need to be advocates. We are not doing this to enhance our beasts or to have a better backside. We have a unfortunate genetic makeup and some like me turn to food for comfort (we are addicted) We are doing this not only to save our lives but to have some quality of life. A basic human right. I have become quick to let people know that breast CA was like being pushed off a cliff and this process is more like climbing a mountain. Keep your sprites up and do not be ashamed.

[katesuccess 990]

Snowkitten, that sounds really hard - and while I'm glad you're close to your boss, you are right to self-protect with anyone who wouldn't be supportive of your choice to have wls. I told people at my work that "my doctor had recommended some gastric surgery to correct a long-standing health issue." Since I had a hiatal hernia corrected, I would usually add that i was most excited that he believed it would correct my anemia. I often added that I'd had three subsequent docs suggest doing this, but i hadn't wanted to take the time off work - but now I agreed my overall heath was worth it. Saying that nearly always shifted the conversation away from surgery and onto my work load or how we'd manage the time off. You ARE having gastric surgery, and it IS to correct a long standing problem. You could even add that piece about being the best chance at correcting the immune problem, and when anyone presses for details you can sort of roll your eyes and say, "It's sort of complicated (or personal) and not terribly pleasant, but thanks for your support." That also signals them that their appropriate response/role which you EXPECT is support. And always ALWAYS have another topic on the tip of your tongue to switch to, even if it means a simple compliment on something they're wearing and asking where they found it. Even people who care about us will still slide into talking about themselves fairly easily if redirected.

Good luck - I know this one's hard, and for what it's worth I think you're right to keep in control of who and how much you tell pre-op. Afterwards, sometimes it feels different. You'll know as it comes.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

I don't think you should have to lie - you do not have to disclose medical information with a few exceptions varying from state to state. You are going to know when you are getting the surgery, so provide them with as much notice as possible and leave it at that.

now - do you mean you are trying to get paid for time off when otherwise you are not? No advise I can give there.

[CandyPants81 94]

I can relate. I work for a small non-profit, and I work very closely with my boss. Many people in our office are anti wls, so I had already decided I wouldn't tell anyone until I got back, especially since I'm going to Mexico for the surgery. After much tossing and turning (I'm also very uncomfortable with lying), I just bit the bullet and submitted the request for time off. Under "reason" I put "medical travel/procedure". That was it. Sure enough, she sent me an email asking if the medical procedure was for me. I said "yes, it is for me, but nothing too bad. Don't worry." That seemed to satisfy her, and she didn't ask anymore questions.

Good luck!

C.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Personal opinion here ...

I strongly disagree that your doctor should encourage you to be open about this and to become an advocate. I think that is unethical of her. If you want to be open about this, you should be. If you don't want to be open about this, you should NOT be.

This is a medical situation. Have you ever heard of a doctor encouraging a patient to "Be open about your breast cancer. Become an advocate!" or "Be open about your HIV condition. Become an advocate!" or "Be open about your Crohn's Disease! Become an advocate!"

There are so many challenges to having this surgery and then dealing with all the post-surgical challenges that many people have, who in the world would want to be a fish in a goldfish bowl with people watching you, judging you, having to feel like you're the poster child for WLS, feeling the pressure to behave as the perfect patient.

Bah, humbug!

YMMV.

[snowkitten 371]

JCP- colon surgery is a good idea, thanks

cmoore25- OH! a fellow coder. I am as well. Your right, we are doing this for our health, but unfortunately people will not think of it that way.

Katesuccess- Thank you SO much for your support and suggestions. Its extreamly helpfull and i will definetly use them.

Pookeyism- not exactly, i DO have short term disability i can apply for but my boss wont need to see that paperwork. But i still need to tell her SOMETHING so we can arrange coverage. I know i dont have to say anything, but in reality people are going to ask.

Candypants81- Thanks, its nice to know others understand

[Josefina1210 12]

I have a similar issue. I work in a doctors office and I know my manager is anti wls. She told this other girl who was having the sxs, "I hope something happens and you can't get the surgery. Why don't you just join a gym?" My manager is known for being really fake and gossiping about people in the ofice. She's never asked me why I am taking so much PTO for appointments. Maybe she knows, I haven't told a lot of people. I do want to think of something to say I'm doing when I take off for my sxs. If I say it's for vacation, I'm not guarenteed to get off.

[CandyPants81 94]

I have a similar issue. I work in a doctors office and I know my manager is anti wls. She told this other girl who was having the sxs, "I hope something happens and you can't get the surgery. Why don't you just join a gym?" My manager is known for being really fake and gossiping about people in the ofice. She's never asked me why I am taking so much PTO for appointments. Maybe she knows, I haven't told a lot of people. I do want to think of something to say I'm doing when I take off for my sxs. If I say it's for vacation, I'm not guarenteed to get off.

I considered putting mine in as vacation also, but then I'm taking 4 days in October for legit vacation and didn't want to risk not getting the second one approved (it's a delayed honeymoon/10 year anniversary/ let's FINALLY go to Universal Studios without the kids trip). Lol. My office is really small as I said, and it is RARE that anyone puts in for time off that is not approved, but I kind of run the front office and my absence always sends everyone into a tizzy.

[Breaking Red 59]

I'm a big proponent of PERSONAL space and PRIVACY. I think the world has lists its sense of that. With FB twitter reality shows and such nothing is kept private anymore. I don't get it.

You don't have to tell her. It's NOT a lie to keep something private. You are allowed to keep something private.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I'm a big proponent of PERSONAL space and PRIVACY. I think the world has lists its sense of that. With FB twitter reality shows and such nothing is kept private anymore. I don't get it.

You don't have to tell her. It's NOT a lie to keep something private. You are allowed to keep something private.

^^^ This!

[snowkitten 371]

I have a similar issue. I work in a doctors office and I know my manager is anti wls. She told this other girl who was having the sxs, "I hope something happens and you can't get the surgery. Why don't you just join a gym?" My manager is known for being really fake and gossiping about people in the ofice. She's never asked me why I am taking so much PTO for appointments. Maybe she knows, I haven't told a lot of people. I do want to think of something to say I'm doing when I take off for my sxs. If I say it's for vacation, I'm not guarenteed to get off.

Yeah the situation is really hard. So many people think of WLS as a cosmetic elective surgery. I'm especially concerned if work knew they would judge me for leaving work to get something "frivolous" done. But for me it's to save my life. I just don't think they will "GET" that.

I think I'm gonna be vague and say I'm having surgery on my stomach for my immune system issue. I'm really concerned I'll feel pressured to elaborate tho.

I hope you figure out what to do. Good luck

[Dreamin Again 112]

I went into this thinking that I would not tell anyone other than the people who live in my house. Now I find myself going back and forth....it's no one else's business but I really don't want to lie to anyone. I want to be up front with everyone but I don't want the judgement and the constant questions. I would like to think they will be more accepting than what, in my mind, I am giving them credit for. I have a lot of time to make up my mind what I want to do as my surgery wont be until November or maybe December.

The boss thing is a problem because the boss is my neice lol. Life is never boring is it?

Edited June 23, 2014 by Dreamin_Again

[Tammylb 174]

I told mine " female surgery" and I didn't go into any details ! It's not any of his business .