female only Dad/Cancer

[nancy264 50]

Update: the gofundme site, thank you Debbie H. for ur donation. Blessings.

Thank you for the donation. http://www.gofundme.com/a8i34g

Update:

Dad had his surgery two wks ago, went good, he lost weight but hope he gain it back, today was his first visit after surgery, how is now on stage five so he can eat more diff foods but just have to eat a little and slow to make sure it don't hurt his stomach. He says he still feel a little pain but that he knows he will get better, me on the other hand is having a hard time, im so worried about him he is so thin and in age. Im thinking of the future and if the cancer return, im planning for his funeral I know its not a good thing but its life and im the only one he has so I have to try and find out how to save money, I don't know how much one will cost. and I have no one to be pall-bearer so I was told that its 100 for each pallbearer that the funeral home uses. I have to find out how much a funeral will go for and try to do what I can to start saving money, he is on ssi and I heard they only pay like 200. I have posted a few stuff on craigslist and went on a donation fund site where ppl can donate to. I just hope it will help.

I hate thinking of him going, it will be three yrs on the 21st that my mom passes away. and I also have a homeless nephew that I have to take care of when he is around and I promised my mom I will bury him too when the time comes bc he has no one just me. its hard on only one person but I have to do it. my son sold some of his games and donated it to me, I put it in an envelope for dad. it was $25 but he is so proud of himself. he is a good kid, now he is looking for a summer job to help me out. and im looking for anything I can sell.

anyway I just wanted u all to know how my dad is doing, I will keep u updated.

Blessings

what would u ask at a funeral home,

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------At four pm I got the call that my dad has stomach cancer, the dr. wants to see him Friday for more test to see how advance it is. idk wat to do my mom and dad have always said they don't want to know if they ever get cancer, they say they will suffer more knowing then not knowing, so Idk wat to do. my mom passes away two yrs ago and he still tlks and misses her a lot.

Friday I go with my dad for the other test. I guess ill let the dr. tell him, but im afraid my dad is not strong enough, he has gone down hill since my mom passed away two yrs ago.

idk what to do, I don't want to go into surgery having him sick, I don't want to miss a minute without seeing him. the dr. said that they have to find out how far out he is and maybe surgery maybe they cant do anything, im just waiting for my insurance to be approved and then the surgery date.

he wants me to be healthy and I want to do this so he can see me skinny b4 things happens.

Edited June 18, 2014 by nancy264

[queenie47 45]

I am so sorry for what you are going thru! Remember to take care of yourself first because if you dont you wont be able to take care of the ones you love, My prayers are with you!

[Butterflyhigh 504]

So sorry for you during this stressful time. It is very hard on the caregivers/family members and oftentimes there is not enough support. Please take care of yourself through this difficult time.

The funeral business in a business. You cannot forget that. As kind and compassionate as the people are, they are salesmen and you are a vulnerable customer.

Plan as much as possible beforehand. It sounds like you are doing that. Figure out your budget and then go have a sit down with them. Oftentimes people feel that in order to honor their deceased loved one they must get the biggest and best of everything. The funeral director will always show you the upper-medium to top of the line items first. They will pull out all of the trim packages and bells and whistles. Just be prepared.

Figure out what your approximate budget is and go in well in advance of his passing. Tell them you are on a fixed and tight budget and how can we make this a beautiful service within a reasonable price range. This way you will have plenty of time to ponder and price compare. Also...let them know that you are price shopping. There is a large margin of up-charge on funeral items especially the casket. There is nothing at all wrong with negotiating for the best prices.

In my family we do cremation and that is several thousand dollars less than a typical burial. The decision to bury or cremate is very personal to families.

It is good that you are think of this now. It is prudent and practical.

I've lost nearly everyone in my family to cancer including my father five years ago. The decline is a very hard thing to go through for everyone involved. Hospice is probably one if the best organizations in the nation. What they do really matters to people in their end-of-life process. Use them as a resource.

Be strong and try not to neglect yourself during this time.

Edited June 16, 2014 by Butterflyhigh

[nancy264 50]

I do have to think of myself, I think about this everyday and don't know what to do, its getting me very nervous not knowing what to do, Im going to write things down that I have to ask and then call funeral homes. I got a 50 donation on the site I posted on hope its for real and will help me out, its called gofundme

[Butterflyhigh 504]

Yes, it is hard. Talk to them first, right away, and get a ballpark cost. Be prepared for in excess of $3000.

Ask them for the costs of:

embalming

casket price ranges

funeral home rental and what is included (do they speak or do you have a pastor to speak)

transportation to gravesite

cost of gravesite if not already purchased

headstone

pallbearers

funeral programs (the handouts they give to the mourners)

obituary

That is a list to get started on.

Also....depending on your family belief's, cremation is much much less expensive. On the low end it could be a several hundred dollars. On the high end you can get into the thousands.

[nancy264 50]

im going to write those question down, thanks

[nancy264 50]

Thank u Debbie H. for the donation u made on my gofundme site. Blessings.

[jatherley 126]

I'm sorry your family is going through this.

My family went through it very recently as well. The list Butterflyhigh gave is a good list. You will also need to check on the price of opening and closing the grave site. It can be quite pricy and can only be paid after death (at least in Texas anyway). Also, the casket is the biggest expense of a funeral. You might ask what your other options are. My father in law had all of his arrangements made ahead of time. He chose to be viewed in a nice casket like everyone else but he was actually buried in a cement tomb type of casket. We knew this going into it and therefore arranged a private family burial instead of a grave side service. We had his viewing and funeral ceremony at the funeral home that was open to public and then a private procession and grave side service. Next to cremation it appears to be the cheapest arrangement.

Prayers coming your way.

[nancy264 50]

jatherley, oh yea the opening and closing of the grave site, didn't think of that omg more things to worry about. my mom didn't get anything for ssi idk why but they didn't give her anything for her funeral.

that's is why im also trying to do gofundme its a site for ppl to donate to. hope it helps me out.

[nancy264 50]

still thinking of all of this, its hard to get it off my mind. my daughter is upset with me bc she says that im jinking him thinking of it all the time.

but idk what else to do I have to figure this out and be ready I cant leave it for last minute, I have no one to help me out.

am I doing the right thing ?

[scrapbasket 83]

we did a jewish funeral for my dad. the worst part was most of the friends in his address book were already gone... we ended up having 3 memorials in different places as a lot of the friends and family left were in different places. the plain wooden pine casket was actually quite handsome. the synagogue my brother went to helped a lot. the main thing is, it is not about how much you spend, it is about honoring that person's life.

and while he is here still, dont focus on the end. be together in every way you can and if you are able, get a little video cam( borrow) or tape recorder $20, and let him record messages for his children and grandchildren to share his story and his wisdom. walk together. be in the moment, it is a precious time you will never get back. hugs, kisses, reading to him, asking questions, tell him you love him.love sara

[scrapbasket 83]

ps the most meaningful part of the memorials, cost hardly anything. we had a potluck at the local church in their hall and people had a chance to share music and memories and talk. it was better eating his favorites made in his memory and hearing people talk about how he had changed their life. simple is good. but again, be together now.