well I told my parents..didn't go well

[countrygrl1978 26]

I finally told my parents yesterday. My dad was very supportive, my mom, not so much. My dad was honest that he didn't know much about it, but wanted me happy again. My mom (who works in the med field) told me to try different options, jenny craig, nutri system, etc. I told her I've done it all and it doesn't work for me, that's why I have done so much over the past year to get this surgery. We left lunch on 2 different pages, but at least it's out in the open. I just wish she would understand and support me.

[katesuccess 990]

I wish they would too Countrygrl1978! That's rough, and we all want our main people to support us in this. Mine got much better when I made one of them attend the pre-op class, and then things overall went better from there. I'd encourage you to get them there for that if possible. A good way for your medical-background mum to ask her questions too.

I like the thread topic you used too -- "I told my parents" -- because it doesn't sound like you're up for changing your mind or letting them rule your choices about your body. ITheir opinions are THEIR stuff they have to deal with, YOU having the surgery and informing them was a kindness, and you're doing this for you. Good for you!

Hang in there. I'm a mom of adult young women, and I think we sometimes begin be fearing the worst for them before we can come around to seeing potential for their best selves. I also find that supporting them in big things is crucial, and it's part of respecting them as adults. Know that this mother is supportive of you anyway, okay?

[kltklass 144]

I am so sorry. Hopefully she will come around. Good luck to you.

[countrygrl1978 26]

Thanks ladies. My mom and sister have both had plastics, and just aren't built like me. I am 5-4, they are both 5-9+. I told my parents I weight 232, and my mom told me that's a lie. I told her, no it isn't, but the great thing is, I wear it well I guess. She told me that was almost 100lbs overweight. Yep, I know, hence the surgery mom. But we are also 15 years apart, so it's more a sister relationship sometimes. I guess my entire life I've wanted approval, and I wish this would've been one time she was ok with something I did. But this is for me, and no one else. I don't see her that often, so she will see the results in a few months when the weight is more noticeable.

[bikrchk 1,313]

My mother was trying to be supportive as she'd watch my dad literally kill himself by knife and fork at 54, but she was scared and uneducated about the process. As educated as I thought I was going in, I was not in a place to counter her fears, so I took her to meet with my Bariatric Nurse Coordinator. What a difference that made! She still had her fears, but they were managed as she was well informed and she was my ally in the process which made all the difference.

[lornadoone629 31]

I decided not to tell my parents until I had gotten approved. My mother ended up in the hospital with a medical crisis the day before my endoscopy in another city. I tried to do it under the radar, but since i couldn't drive after it and wouldn't be able to go to the hospital to see her that day, she would be suspicious. I told them it was just some routine testing (I'd had one 15 years ago). She then offered to send my dad up to sit with me since they were already at the hospital. I had to break it to her that I was having it done by a specialist who prefered to do it at a hospital an hour away. When I finally told them about the surgery 3-4 weeks later, they were RELIEVED! I came to find out that they thought something much more serious was going on medically for me. They were really so happy that I was doing this that they gave me $2000.00 towards my $5000.00 out of pocket. They have been true cheerleaders in this last year since I started preparations for the surgery last August.

[Sleeveless in seattle 208]

Wow,your mom is okay with having plastic surgery, just not with surgery that will affect your health?? Quite a double standard! Hopefully she's just worried about you and will come around.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Do this for yourself Countrygirl. I will be 68 in August and having the sleeve has made such a difference in the life of me and my husband. He has lost 90 lbs after being the fat boy all his life. Don't wait until you have all the terrible health problems to begin trying to get healthy like we did. This is the best thing we ever did in life! We are finally LIVING. Best of luck! Linda

[septappt 74]

My mother only knew because she got my mail one day and obviously looked through it, just like everybody else she didn't think I needed to go to this extreme. I didn't tell my dad until a week before hand and surprisingly he said well if that's what you wanna do I will support you. They both now see how much happier I am 99.5 lighter (100 is taking awhile lol) ! Do this for yourself, there are plenty forms if support out there to help you !

[JCP 619]

My mom is passed now but bless her heart, she never understood my need for depression treatment. I tried so many times to explain that the meds helped me feel normal, not high. She'd feel guilty for having been a bad mom who caused me to need meds. And if something sad happened and I cried, she could not understand because she thought the meds were supposed to immunize me against sadness, I guess. I gave up explaining . Parents!

Edited June 17, 2014 by JCP

[countrygrl1978 26]

My surgery is in exactly 2 weeks. The stupid conversation started because my dad was talking about a family beach day a few days after my surgery and if I would be able to come. So I decided now was a good as time as any. I'm 36, multiple miscarriages, massive Migraines, and knee problems that make it difficult to even go to Disneyland 1/2 day. I'm the big girl with a pretty face. I'm just tired of it. There's more to me than just that. Oh well, in 2 weeks it'll all start to change.

[getnhealthyintx 281]

My mom is my biggest cheerleader. I have not told my Dad yet.

[melissaingr 75]

My Mom was totally against it. I told her if she could lose 30 pounds in the 6 months before my surgery I wouldn't do it. I had the surgery. Haha.

[Jennifer0609 83]

I didn't tell my parents prior to surgery. my dad is having health concerns. They called me today with an update and ask for my work number, so if an emergency arises they will be able to contact me. I had to tell them I am on medical leave and why. My mom's response was" you didn't need that, you know better" I guess I don't know better cause my surgery was two weeks ago. I have a trip planned to see them in 2 weeks, not looking froward to the disapproval I will be facing. Hopefully they will see the weight loss and that I'm doing well and am happy with my decision. My dad was upset I didn't tell them before, gee I wonder why I didn't tell them?

[motocrash 4]

My mom has been the opposite - she has been pushing for this surgery. Every step of the way she calls and asks what is the hold up. I have had other medical issues she never mentions, but this has been her priority. My family is thin. I am the fat son, the embarrassment. Now that I have had the surgery its all about how much are you going to lose and how fast. There is a family reunion in July and she wants to make sure I will look good in the photos. She is so draining, that I simply avoid talking to her.