First BIG emotional trigger since surgery!

[Butterflyhigh 504]

I'm having issues with my ex-husband telling the children that "Mommy doesn't want us all to hang out with Tracy" who is the new girlfriend. Well of COURSE I do not want them to be introduced yet...they've only been on four dates! Wait a few months, see if it's going to be a possible long-term relationship, and THEN make the introductions. Ass. But now he has the children mad at me about this.

Anyway...up until last week when I had surgery I would feed my frustration by filling up with food. Now I am sitting here in the house, sipping on 4 oz of clear liquid at a time, and feeling this actual physical/emotional PULL towards the fried chicken place down the street. Because I am not shoving these feelings down with food I am left to just sit with them. My jaw is tight, I'm gritting my teeth, I feel like screaming (I did a few times already), and I'm just at a loss for what to do.

Maybe take a nap? I'm only six days post-op so I'm kinda fatigued anyway. I've tried getting lost in a book but my mind keeps going back to this stressful issue. Same with watching a movie. I've taken an hour long walk around my property but this strong strong desire to eat eat eat will not go away.

I think that as soon as I am clear to exercise I will be taking my butt straight to the gym. Straining, sweating, and grunting actually sound really good right now. And actually.....writing this all down has made me feel a bit better.

What do you do when these moments hit and you can no longer turn to food to drown out the emotions??

[mtnchld 3]

I'm having issues with my ex-husband telling the children that "Mommy doesn't want us all to hang out with Tracy" who is the new girlfriend. Well of COURSE I do not want them to be introduced yet...they've only been on four dates! Wait a few months, see if it's going to be a possible long-term relationship, and THEN make the introductions. Ass. But now he has the children mad at me about this.

Anyway...up until last week when I had surgery I would feed my frustration by filling up with food. Now I am sitting here in the house, sipping on 4 oz of clear liquid at a time, and feeling this actual physical/emotional PULL towards the fried chicken place down the street. Because I am not shoving these feelings down with food I am left to just sit with them. My jaw is tight, I'm gritting my teeth, I feel like screaming (I did a few times already), and I'm just at a loss for what to do.

Maybe take a nap? I'm only six days post-op so I'm kinda fatigued anyway. I've tried getting lost in a book but my mind keeps going back to this stressful issue. Same with watching a movie. I've taken an hour long walk around my property but this strong strong desire to eat eat eat will not go away.

I think that as soon as I am clear to exercise I will be taking my butt straight to the gym. Straining, sweating, and grunting actually sound really good right now. And actually.....writing this all down has made me feel a bit better.

What do you do when these moments hit and you can no longer turn to food to drown out the emotions??

I write. I actually write a letter to the person I'm having issues with, about all my feelings, thoughts, concerns. Just get everything out. Then when its all done you can either put it away or i like to have a little ceremony where i burn it. Breathe deeply, light it up and just let the feelings go. Its over and done. You may try this and see if it helps you. I wish you luck.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

lots of deep breathing, long walks, exercise, talk with a trusted friend, listen to music.

[gr8healthtruewealth76 7]

Hi, I'm Stephanie. First i would like to congratulate you on your surgery and being aware of your emotions and thoughts and wanting to eat.

I'm mentally ill, emotional and a passionate person so i struggle with wanting to feed my emotional food addiction all day everyday.

I journal, and clean or exercise which the exercise part is recent since i've gained weight from emotionally eating, i'll be 3 yrs post op 8-22-14 :}

it is not easy living a new healthier life due to our blessings having the wls. However being aware and wanting a better solution is powerful. It is a good idea to write a letter to your ex hubby and just say everything you want you can yell cuss insult do it all in the letter and keep it or throw it away but by all means get your emotions out and dealt with so you don't eat it out.

Also if you do eat something you know is unhealthy i have learned not to beat myself up about it but to move forward. My motto is everything in moderation including moderation itself, lol. i borrowed that from Nicole Kidman the actress.

good luck, God Bless my fellow wls peeps!!!

[JerseyCityGal 231]

I deal with difficult people (with no back-up) in my job all day long. One of the things I do is rephrase things in a positive light while finding something to agree on.

Tell your children "There has been a little misunderstanding. When daddy and Tracy know each other a little better, of course you can hang out with them!" like it's the best idea in the world, and leave it at that.

A really good hobby can take the place of food. Something that you don't have to go anywhere to do. Knitting, weeding a small garden, anything that you have to concentrate on. It helps if your hands are busy and not just your mind.

[queenie47 45]

Focus on the fact the you made the best decision by making him your EX husband!! You cant control him but you can put a positive spin on it for your children. Realize that your kids are not dumb they will eventually figure out that he is a jerk! Remember that you are the only mother they will ever have and they will love you best forever!

[Butterflyhigh 504]

Thanks all!

This was a good exercise today in the power of emotional eating. I've never been in denial that I eat to 'feel' better...but I've never been unable to eat when those times hit!! I walked, read, played piano angrily, keep sip sip sipping, watch an hour of tv, and took a nap. I don't feel so bad now.

It is scary how powerful the urge to eat was. It tells me a lot about where I need to focus my mental work and healing.

[LivingFree! 478]

Butterflyhigh--you are leaps and bounds ahead of the difficult mental health part of WLS--even though right now it probably does not feel like it to you. Kudos to you for recognizing your eating triggers. AND---for your amazing resolve to FIGHT this hunger trigger. That is something that many, many WLSers have to work on for a long time before they can make the connection between eating and emotional stressors. I am so proud of you. It's not easy and you're doing it! I think, dear lady, you have a lot more POWER than you think you have!

Changing our "default" of using food as comfort in times of stress doesn't happen overnight, but you will find what works for you. I have what I call my Extreme Self-Care Kit (thank you life coach CherylRichardson.com), that is my own personal list of about 25 things that I can go to that make ME feel good. Some have been mentioned above. Also--I sing a song that inspires me; I read a poem that I love; I write 3 gratitude statements every evening; I say something nice to someone who serves me in public every day; I read passages from my library of WLS books for motivation; every day I do meditation and belly breathing, etc etc. Also, the further along you are, the more desire you have to nourish your body with healthy foods, and those tempting, go-to carby indulgences lose their strong hold on you.

If you are interested and/or if you are not familiar with this book:

50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without food by Susan Albers,PsyD (Available on Amazon)

(small paperback 5"x7", 216pp; also available in various downloadable formats)

It's a pretty easy read and you might find it helpful. I did and do. Dr. Albers is a well-respected clinical psychologist from the Cleveland Clinic, specializing in eating issues, weight loss, body image issues, and mindfulness. She has written several books. Website: sootheyourselfwithoutfood.com

Congratulations on your surgery and stick with your dogged determination!!!

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

Thanks all!

This was a good exercise today in the power of emotional eating. I've never been in denial that I eat to 'feel' better...but I've never been unable to eat when those times hit!! I walked, read, played piano angrily, keep sip sip sipping, watch an hour of tv, and took a nap. I don't feel so bad now.

It is scary how powerful the urge to eat was. It tells me a lot about where I need to focus my mental work and healing.

the more you do it, the easier it will get too.

[Butterflyhigh 504]

Oh, Thank You so much! Your words brought goosebumps to my skin and tears to my eyes.

Everything you mentioned are things I know will be catalysts for positive change. I need to add yoga and daily meditation. I know deep within that meditation is the key to opening myself on many levels. I think part of me is scared to go there...otherwise I would have already started. Having this VSG is part of releasing my demons and emotional shackles. Now I feel like I am free and can move freely forward.

Mindful Breathing. I just read this today in a book (Living Buddha, Living Christ). The way to still the emotions, acknowledge them, and then let them flow away is through Mindful Breathing.

Thank You for your wonderful words of encouragement!

Butterflyhigh--you are leaps and bounds ahead of the difficult mental health part of WLS--even though right now it probably does not feel like it to you. Kudos to you for recognizing your eating triggers. AND---for your amazing resolve to FIGHT this hunger trigger. That is something that many, many WLSers have to work on for a long time before they can make the connection between eating and emotional stressors. I am so proud of you. It's not easy and you're doing it! I think, dear lady, you have a lot more POWER than you think you have!

Changing our "default" of using food as comfort in times of stress doesn't happen overnight, but you will find what works for you. I have what I call my Extreme Self-Care Kit (thank you life coach CherylRichardson.com), that is my own personal list of about 25 things that I can go to that make ME feel good. Some have been mentioned above. Also--I sing a song that inspires me; I read a poem that I love; I write 3 gratitude statements every evening; I say something nice to someone who serves me in public every day; I read passages from my library of WLS books for motivation; every day I do meditation and belly breathing, etc etc. Also, the further along you are, the more desire you have to nourish your body with healthy foods, and those tempting, go-to carby indulgences lose their strong hold on you.

If you are interested and/or if you are not familiar with this book:

50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without food by Susan Albers,PsyD (Available on Amazon)

(small paperback 5"x7", 216pp; also available in various downloadable formats)

It's a pretty easy read and you might find it helpful. I did and do. Dr. Albers is a well-respected clinical psychologist from the Cleveland Clinic, specializing in eating issues, weight loss, body image issues, and mindfulness. She has written several books. Website: sootheyourselfwithoutfood.com

Congratulations on your surgery and stick with your dogged determination!!!

[LivingFree! 478]

You are very welcome--my pleasure to help in any small way. Try to remember--there is no "right or wrong way" to meditate. That's what I love so much about it. It is totally personal, and spiritual, and yes--emotional freedom. I understand your "fear" but you don't really have to feel afraid. You'll know when you're ready--you've got plenty of time. You can start slowly, even just 3 or 5 minutes a day. Best wishes and keep posting and let us know how it's going for you. Peace . . .