Feeling like my "partner" doesnt get it

[RKPG2angels 11]

My husband refuses to stop buying junk food. I'm 10 days post op, still on liquids and he's bringing home funnions and ritz crackers and liters of soda. PLUS he expects me to cook dinner every night when I can't even taste the food and it's really bumming me out. I have told him how hard it is for me to not eat junk food and he tells me I have to have will power which I understand but if I had willpower I wouldn't have reached 300 freakin pounds!! I understand he's not on, nor does he need to be on a diet but I am so hungry for food right now that I feel like I need to move out or something to stick to my doctors instructions. Just felling totally unsupported and needing to vent :-(

[sgreen721 17]

I'm sorry that your honey is not being supportive. I haven't had my surgery yet, but I'm currently on my pre op diet. Today is day 9 and I have come across many obstacles. Family eating my favorite foods in front of me. I'm proud to say I have not given into any of those temptations. I know it's hard, but keep your eyes on the prize. You decided to make this lifestyle change, live it to the fullest.. My surgery is scheduled for June 17th, so please keep me in your prayers. I pray that you get relief

[WhoKnows 288]

He's gonna do what he's gonna do, but you need to look out for number one, and if he's standing in your way and won't even talk about it, then that's a problem and you have to find a way of dealing with it. Also, why on earth does he expect you to cook? It's not 1954; he should be capable of scrambling an egg.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

Hey show him this video and see if all the pop is worth it.

And after you watch this video be glad that you have made a choice to eat healthier and look after your body and let him do what he is going to do..okay..This is about you changing not him. It would be wonderful if he supported you but he has his own reasons to try to sabotage you..Maybe he is afraid that you will become too gorgeous for him to keep as a mate and he is comfortable with the person he sees in front of him..Sad but true..Our mates can go completely nuts on us with the fear that we may no longer want them if we are thin....

This ought to cure anyone from drinking soda pop, cokes etc...

.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZp29Qeu8_U

[LipstickLady 25,682]

On the junk food...

This, you won't want to hear, but it's truth. He didn't have surgery, you did. He doesn't need to change his eating habits, you do. In a a perfect world, everyone around you would be supportive and all temptations would disappear, but that's not reality. I'd suggest that you make a cabinet for your foods and a cabinet for his. He can't touch yours and out of sight out of mind on his food for you. You have to relearn habits and you *will* figure it out, I'm sure. In the meantime, talk to him, tell him your feelings, but you can't make him change and you can't be but so mad at him for not changing his habits for you. That's not fair.

On cooking dinner. Ha! Really? Not your problem. Unless you have kids to feed, you don't have to cook. If you choose to, cook YOUR foods. Trust me, he won't like the mushies much.

Edited June 12, 2014 by LipstickLady

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

yeah, put your foot down. no junk food in the house, no cooking dinner.

i am sorry you guys didnt figure this out before surgery, but please ask him to come with you to your next appt. either the doc or the nut. if you dont have an appt coming up soon, make one. insist he come with you. discuss these issues at the appt.

I asked every single person i talked with in my doctor's office what the number one reason was for long term failure was and everyone of them said "lack of family support."

[HalloweenBaby24 447]

I worried about this going into it, But I've come to realize this it my choice and my journey not his. My husband is over weight and eats quite poorly and I can encourage him to eat better but at the end of the day it's his decision to do what he wishes. We all have our own journey and decide when enough is enough, he's just not there yet but I don't feel like I need to force him. On the other hand I am a mom and I will be faced with preparing dinner for my family but I've told myself "you'll judt have to suck it up buttercup"

[blondiebabs 214]

That is kind of like when I had to have heart surgery and quit smoking my X-husband would not quit smoking around me, and would even fire up in the vehicle right next to me and get po'd if I'd roll the window down. Unfortunately some people do not know what it means to have a little compassion and to be supportive. He could eat his junk and keep it out of your face.

As far as cooking dinner it should not be expected of you, especially if you work and help support the home financially too. I'm assuming in your vows you did not say that you swear to be his mother for the rest of your life.

Good luck, I hope that he comes around, keep your chin up and being strong and doing what is good for you! =) Try to find a way to make his lack of empathy give you strength and determination to carry on.

[DarbiMolly 188]

That is really sad. My hubby told me (I didn't even ask) that we were getting rid of all the junk food, no more treats in the house - if he wants something he will eat it when I'm not there or he's out. Plus, he eats what I do. Example, if I make frittata, I'll put cheese on his, but not mine but we both eat the same thing. He eats salad and veggies. I make him rice and it doesn't bother me not to eat it, but if it did, he said he won't have it either. He's 500% supportive!

If the people who love you the most won't support you, who will?

[DarbiMolly 188]

I worried about this going into it, But I've come to realize this it my choice and my journey not his. My husband is over weight and eats quite poorly and I can encourage him to eat better but at the end of the day it's his decision to do what he wishes. We all have our own journey and decide when enough is enough, he's just not there yet but I don't feel like I need to force him. On the other hand I am a mom and I will be faced with preparing dinner for my family but I've told myself "you'll judt have to suck it up buttercup"

Whoever does the groceries .... STOP BUYING JUNK! LOL. If he wants it, he can go get it. Make a nice lean chicken meal with salad - let's see if he eats it.

[RKPG2angels 11]

Oops

Edited June 12, 2014 by RKPG2angels

[RKPG2angels 11]

Thank you everyone for your advice and support!

I really do need to take control of my body and my food issues and make the right decisions for me to succeed. I am definitely moving my food to a different cupboard though! I've already taken over the too shelf of the fridge.

I guess I just expected my family to eat healthier with me but I suppose that will come when I can actually eat food and make healthier meals. I didn't expect them to liquid diet with me, I am just head hungry for real food and dealing with food issues that I knew were going to pop up.

About my hubby expecting me to cook; yes he is a little chauvinistic in that respect and that needs to change. I work but am on two weeks leave for recovery and he is treating me like I'm on vacation or unemployed and should be cooking and cleaning everyday. Smh

[blondiebabs 214]

LOL Vacation! Are you married to my xhusband? That is the attitude I got when I had both of my heart surgeries and had to be off work. Hopefully he will change his tune, his beautiful wife is becoming a healthy hottie.

[momohime 121]

Well.. He doesn't get it, but that doesn't mean he can't be supportive.. In a certain sense, you are going to have to have some will power. Junk food isn't going to ever go away. The temptation will always be there. WLS doesn't prevent that. Expecting your husband to follow a strict diet isn't really realistic either. However, that doesn't mean he should just willfully eat junk in front of you..

The liquid diet part is the hardest to get through.. Even though I wasn't really hungry at all, I still had this desire to just chew on something real. Talk to your husband. Tell him it won't always be such a struggle, but you're only 10 days out and you need time to adjust. You just had surgery! They don't give you this time off for nothing. Use it to rest and recover! Hopefully, he can manage to be a little more understanding.. I would really suggest going on a cooking hiatus, at least until you can move on to solid foods. Your husband can fend for himself for a little while. When you can start eating small meals, start cooking healthy foods for you that your family will also enjoy. It's totally doable. If that's not enough for your husband, he's still got his stash that he can eat separately.

My SO isn't overweight either and still has fast food basically every day.. the smell is enticing, but at this point I also know how crappy I'd feel (physically and mentally) if I indulged in the same stuff. I still get random cravings for foods regardless of what he's eating. I'm learning to manage my head hunger though. One thing that helps me is telling myself that Taco Bell will still exist when I'm a healthy weight and staying away from it now is way more important to me than anything else at the moment.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

About my hubby expecting me to cook; yes he is a little chauvinistic in that respect and that needs to change. I work but am on two weeks leave for recovery and he is treating me like I'm on vacation or unemployed and should be cooking and cleaning everyday. Smh

expecting you to cook because you are a woman is chauvinistic. expecting you to cook when you just had surgery is both unrealistic and lacking in empathy. all the more reason to insist he come to an appt with you. having expectations of people without really planning out in advance what will actually happen is a prescription for serious disappointment. you need to have a serious conversation with him where you put everything out on the table and tell him very specifically what you need him to do. this surgery is too important for you to just hope he doesnt sabotage you.