Helpful? Not.

[socalsweetheart87 8]

I love my husband so much but post surgery he has been so annoying! He promised me two weeks in another bed, that I could have the bed by myself, he whined after one night. Our little daughter Peed her bed and he refused to clean her bed. me, four days post op. Is doing the laundry so the child does not have to sleep in urine. It feels like he thinks he gets a stay at home wife for a few weeks and he isn't doing anything around the house, or for me or my daughter to help during this time. Good thing I have great family who stop by often who can help for a bit! Anyone else get surprised at how unhelpful their significant other was post op? I want to feel like I'm not the only one...

[katesuccess 990]

That's awful! Tell him he's got to help and step up or you're going to stay with someone (Fam or friend) who will! Seriously, how lousy of him! If he says 'men don't do that' or 'you're better at it' tell him about mine:

My hubby took a day off when I got home, helped with anything I asked for and asked what I needed when I didn't. He took care of putting clean sheets on our bed before I got home, watered flowers I got, fielded calls, kept family informed, kept our place clean - and slept on the couch for 3 weeks to be sure I was resting easily my first few days back to work. Not one whine about doing all his own meals, laundry and shopping, and took great care of the dog (in a condo that's a lot of work). He walked with me whenever I invited him and never nagged. Just kept supporting me in so many ways. I'm six weeks out now and tonight he told me he was proud of me for following all the directions from the doc and nut, and for doing so well. I got to tell him how very much it meant to hear that and especially to have had his phenomenal support.

Real men ask how they can help...and jump in!

[Chelly 364]

What a stinker to not be there for you.

Your not suppose to do the things he's expecting you to do.

My husband took care of me and the household chores so I could comfortably recover. He never said boo about it either. That's what real men do. They help out.

Tell him to do it or you will go somewhere where people that respect you will help you on your way to recovery. He is totally disrespectful of your needs and tell him that.

Also tell him to grow up and take care of things because you've been instructed not to do these things around the house for a month. Tell him you can cause damage to yourself if you don't follow these instructions of not doing heavy housework and lifting things. See what happens then.

Good luck with your recovery and tell your husband to shape up.

[BookWorm 87]

Hate to break it to you but things may get worse as you lose the weight. Resentment, insecurities, etc.

[PdxMan 4,292]

I believe if you take the time and effort, you will find there is something else going on at a deeper level here. This is just not a simple case of someone not wanting to pick up their dish after eating a bowl of popcorn. When a spouse makes changes in their lives, it causes the other to begin to question.

Question themselves, the marriage, their role ... Some spouses may consider WLS a drastic measure, which compounds this all even more. Depression, anger and resentment can begin to unknowingly creep in. While we would all love to believe this is all about us, the truth is, it runs much deeper than that.

I have found the cure to be open, honest and frank conversations. Not about your spouse, because you don't know what they are thinking or going through, so don't presume to know. Talk about yourself, your history with self-image, food issues and all of the struggles you have had and what led you to begin to research WLS. Deep, open, honest stuff that you would only tell a therapist. It can make you feel vulnerable, but my guess is they may feel a little left behind in all of this.

[DarbiMolly 188]

Not very supportive or nice behaviour for anyone. Even if you didn't have surgery, why can't he change the bed and wash the linens?

WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?

[DarbiMolly 188]

All excellent answers. I divorced a selfish, emotionally immature, cheating, lying, unsupportive man and am now married to an angel .... there ARE good men out there who will treat women with the upmost respect!!!!!

[Sparklingbeauty53 202]

Something tells me he wasn't Prince Charming prior to the surgery either! You have to teach people how to treat you. Did you do everything for him in the past? He hasn't stepped up to the plate because he never had to. Set him straight right now and tell him he has no choice. This is a partnership not one sided. If he can't help now then he might as well start packing his bags because you need him now more than ever. Things need to change and now is the time for him to step up to his change as you are doing yours! Good Luck!

[lisacaron 5,075]

I'm sorry that you have to go through this, and I'm sure that you are feeling pretty alone and sore about the whole thing right now. It's great that you are able to reach out people here and get some solid feedback and have a place to vent your feelings.

I agree with what @@PdxMan had to say in his post. Often there are underlying issues at the heart of our behaviors, and the only way to find out what they are is to have an open and honest conversation about them with the person. That is easier said then done. Part of your journey was probably a psych eval, and if the behavior continues and becomes troublesome to you and/or your marriage and family it might be wise to give that Dr. a call and maybe they can help facilitate the conversation with you and your husband.

Good luck with everything, take care of yourself and give yourself the extra TLC you need right now.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

" You have to teach people how to treat you. "

Words to live by.

[superbariatricbabe 180]

Have you said something to him?

Ideally he would be considerate and try to anticipate your household needs, but sometimes people can be a little clueless.

My husband is sweet and an equal partner when it comes to doing things around the house, but sometimes he doesn't *see* that things need to be done. I've literally seen him walk by chores totally clueless, but if I mention it he seems happy to do it.