Anybody else tired of the attention?

[Sleeveless in seattle 208]

I'm tired of my weight loss being the topic of every conversation I'm in. I try and steer it away and it's not working. People I hardly know feel free to comment all the time. I haven't even lost that much yet, I started at 347 and am currently 274...still a long ways to go. I'm sure most of them are well meaning but it doesn't always come across that way and sometimes I'm not sure what to say in response. Tell me I'm not the only one who doesn't love weight loss attention...

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

My younger sister died of breast cancer at age 39. One of the things I observed during her illness is that she oddly often had to comfort others.

I felt during my weight loss (I was also high BMI so big transformation) that I needed to somehow make others comfortable with it. Well, needed is a strong word, but it seemed like others who cared about me felt a real need to talk about it alot. I decided to accept it as part of the journey but I completely understand where you are coming from.

People who know me more casually had a very similiar need - to somehow deal with their "shock"? I have often wondered if they did a similiar denial thing that I had done - which was to not realize just how huge I was until I was trim? I don't know, but really, there were a few people I almost felt like I needed to comfort them as they were so disoriented by how different I look.

As time passes, it does go away and people seem to forget just how big I was. Even my sons are shocked when they see a "before" pic as they don't remember me being that huge.

[JaneyB 28]

You could try being more assertive "I'd prefer to talk about other things" "I don't know you well enough to discuss this with you." "I'm sure you are well intentioned but I really don't know what to say in response."

Or you could be even more firm "Why do you think that is an okay statement?" "Why are you so interested in my personal life?"

[blondiebabs 214]

I haven't gotten the surgery yet, but that is one of the things I do not look forward to. Because now when I do lose a bit of weight people feel the need to comment on it and I don't care for it.

[KBlood 13]

I understand where you're coming from. I'm a hair stylist and I see lots of people!! Some people I've told but I haven't told many because you never know how people may react to having WLS. Some of my clients who have known me for a while still bring it up every time I see them, which is nice and everything but I had the surgery...I appreciate your support but I don't want the CONSTANT reminder that I had it done. Let's move on and live our lives. Some of you may feel differently about keeping it secret or not wanting a reminder you had it done.. I don't like when people ask me 'how much have you lost?' I know they are there for support and they are proud but I personally think it's rude for clients or people in general to ask that, it's another thing if it's your best friends or a family member. Just always remember to keep your head up and know you did it for yourself and yourself only, not everyone needs to know every single detail about your new life.

[Andrew0929 1,101]

I'm tired of my weight loss being the topic of every conversation I'm in. I try and steer it away and it's not working. People I hardly know feel free to comment all the time. I haven't even lost that much yet, I started at 347 and am currently 274...still a long ways to go. I'm sure most of them are well meaning but it doesn't always come across that way and sometimes I'm not sure what to say in response. Tell me I'm not the only one who doesn't love weight loss attention...

I, too, am tired of all the attention. I'm even tired of all the compliments and don't mean to be ungrateful but enough is enough. I'm always polite in thanking people for the kind words but just want to blend in now ...

[blondiebabs 214]

@KBlood to me the "how much have you lost" question is very violating and rude, no matter how you've lost the weight. If you wanted people to know you would volunteer a number, or wear a sign around your neck.

[KBlood 13]

@@blondiebabs I've lost 48 pounds. I should just write it on a dry erase board and keep it where all my clients to see.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Oh, I never answered "how much have you lost" unless it was to a fellow WLS patient. I reckon it is nobodys business. i would usually either ignore the question or say something like "alot, but I am still working on it". I have in more recent times said something about being half my former size because anybody can look at me and see that it is true.

The therapy sessions ...haha... are more around people being freaked out that I look so different

-my older sister who thinks I might die of starvation since I no longer have a "healthy reserve". I explained to her that layers of fat do not keep you safe from emergencies or contingincies. Well, unless there is a great famine.

-a work colleague who simply could not accept it was ME. I held up my name badge, and made a joke out if it - yes it's me! That same crazy woman about had a mental breakdown two different times (she doesn't see me often). Third time she was actually kind of snotty and I started to realize that my weight loss triggered some kind of issues for her.

-Lots of compliments which in some ways got harder as i got closer to a normal size. Now, it is a joke among my friends who give me a genuine compliment "skinny bitch". Now, a friend said something that struck me in a good way. She said "you looked beautiful before but now you are a total knock out". Now THAT is a compliment!

-I get asked about sizes which I hate answering because sizing is so inconsistent. Some stores really inflate their sizes (White house black market is ridiculous) - so I don't claim a size until I am about 90% sure I will wear it no matter what the brand, but I hate answering this one because I guess it is so inaccurate.

-A male friend who told me I should stop losing right now because I am officially a skinny chick and look great. Any skinnier and I will become a bony chick with no ass. Okay, that made me laugh.

I have tried to keep a sense of humor and I have to admit it is alot easier to see it with humor and grace once you are at goal than during the losing process...

[jajmj 40]

I have a few friends who are fixated on the number, too. I tell them that I am not worried about that because it's a marathon and not a sprint. Usually shuts them up.

[SnohoGal98296 371]

With today's PC work environments, I am surprised that so many co-workers actually say stuff like what you have shared. In the past two years a popular co-worker has lost quite a bit of weight. I suspected that he has had WLS, but I would never ask him that question directly, if he had shared with me I would've gladly supported him. Every year we go through mandatory prevention of sexual harassment training and it includes warning against comments on someone's appearance - good or bad. As I was researching VSG, I really wanted to share with him but realized I could not. It has been tough, our department has a Breakfast meeting once a week and I noticed that he was drinking shakes out of a shaker bottle - I just wanted to fist bump him and say keep up the hard work! But since he has kept a low profile I have respected that - and technically I guess he could have done this on diet and exercise alone - if so - he has done a great job keeping it off, and I totally respect that.

Now, as I had to explain why I was going to be out of the office for two weeks I did tell my co-workers (including this guy) that I was preparing for "abdominal surgery" with a liquid diet. Most of my department members asked if everything was ok? I explained that the surgery was "a good thing" and "something I had to take care of"... mostly because I worry about the same thing - people judging me for how much weight I have / have not lost or perhaps what I am / am not eating. But I realize that going from 302 lbs to possibly 150 lbs is not going to go unnoticed and that my co-workers will put 2 and 2 together and realize I had WLS. I will cross that bridge when I come to it - I guess that is why I was I didn't say something like I am having a hernia fixed, so I won't be up against a lie. Maybe he will recognize it and mention it or not, if he did I would accept it as supportive and hope he will do the same from me.

[Bigmommatojacob 54]

Thank you for thus post. I thought I was being crazy but you all get it. I am sick of every time you see someone they say well how much. Even if they just saw you yesterday. I want to say nosy much. I am very uncomfortable already with all the changes my body is making. One lady I know just came up and said I see a difference keep it up. I hugged her and said you did not ask how much. She said no that's rude and not my business. I wish everyone had her tacked. I worry about failure daily because this is not my first diet. I have played this game for 30 years lose a few gain a bunch. Lose ten pounds it comes back and brings friends with it. So I wonder what if I fail at this. Just another day in the world of my life.

[mi75 1,235]

i'm still pre-op but it's already bothering me... the job that i do requires me to take many weeks off from work, so my immediate co-workers had to be told. i told them on my terms, in my timing.

they all watched me very closely last week through my first week of pre-op. they asked every day how i was doing, if i had lost, etc. i'm sure this week will be the same. i believe that they are trying to be supportive...

post-op, i think i will not use specifics, including sizes, numbers, etc. that seems like a great approach!

Edited June 16, 2014 by mi75

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I'm tired of my weight loss being the topic of every conversation I'm in. I try and steer it away and it's not working. People I hardly know feel free to comment all the time. I haven't even lost that much yet, I started at 347 and am currently 274...still a long ways to go. I'm sure most of them are well meaning but it doesn't always come across that way and sometimes I'm not sure what to say in response. Tell me I'm not the only one who doesn't love weight loss attention...

We kept our WLS to ourselves and have been "dieting". We are very private about our life. One neighbor we socialize with gushes on and on when we are with a large group of people and I can only imagine if we had told her we had surgery how she would have been discussing our surgery. Thank God she doesn't know. Same thing with another group of friends. It gets old just having them talk about our weight loss. We do not like the attention one bit. The neighbor is funny at times, she will say, oh you cannot have this or that because you are dieting LOL.

[Bob2013 326]

Quite a surprising topic. Especially with most of the responses coming from women. Maybe its the fact that when we are overweight we usually dont get that much attention and now it is just a shock to be getting some.

I personally welcome the attention I get from my new found form. It boosts up my motivation to keep up with the program. Every time someone makes a comment on how I look I stand up a little straighter and walk with a little more pride.