Openness and Family

[ShrinkingSaraVSG 12]

Did anyone wait to tell their families that you were having a weight loss surgery? I am being open with my father who is supportive and willing to help me with my self pay situation. However I have no interest in telling my extended family about my plans. I live in an area with two aunts, one uncle, three cousins, my grandparents, and great aunt and uncle. I have the urge to go through the process and just move home with my dad for the initial recovery. It's not that they wouldn't be supportive. It's actually that they would be too supportive...you know...that moment where supportive becomes insulting?

[erp 2,016]

I told just my parents and SO. I flew my parents out since they are retired and helped me out the first week. After that, i was fine on my own. I have a small family but frankly every is doing their own thing so I never felt compelled to tell them.

[DeniseNCC1701 306]

I only told my parents (and I'm 49 now). But I went "public"on Facebook the morning of my surgery. My cousins were all supportive, and most of my friends. Some didn't comment at all, which is OK too.

I guess we all perceive support differently. I know sometimes the support seems superficial, despite the truest of intentions. Just the other day, a co-worker commented how good I looked, and exclaimed "You know, you really have to watch your portions and now would be a good time to start good exercise program!" *sigh* She meant well, I know, but you get some that are all of sudden experts and others who think you're taking the easy way out. Find who works for you support-wise and stick to them like glue.

Be well…

[CandyPants81 94]

I told my husband, who has watched me struggle with my weight for years. He has been so supportive. I also told my two best friends who were also extremely supportive (one is worried half to death, but still supportive). I told my mother when I first started planning this, but she had a mini panic attack so I haven't told her that I have a date set. I won't tell her that until the day before I go. She's been as supportive as she can be considering she doesn't think I'm heavy enough to have surgery. "Maybe you could try diet and exercise", she says. (Right, mom. Why didn't I think of that during these past 15 years that I've been severely obese?)

Besides that, I don't plan on telling anyone else until I get back home. I think there is such a stigma attached to Medical Tourism, and I just don't need the negativity. On my leave request for work, I just put "medical travel/procedure". I don't plan on telling my coworkers anything until I get back. I don't mind if people know...I just don't want to hear the "OMG Mexico?!?! WHAT??? ARE YOU CRAZY???" speech twelve times before I even get on the plane.

C.

Edited June 9, 2014 by CandyPants81

[motherof5 364]

I was not going to tell my mother anything about my surgery. I spoke about it back in 2013 and she talked me out of it. My hubby talked me into telling her because 1)she's my mother and 2) just in case something happens. Again, she is in opposition of the surgery and she flat out told me that I was not going to have it. She wants me to cancel, lol. My brother on the other hand respects my decision.

I refuse to have the conversation again with her. My surgery date is set for August 26th and there is no turning back now.

[mrslb5 333]

My mom was the first person I told she is very supportive and has been throughout the entire process, now telling my husband was a bit of a challenge, but once he knew my reasoning and did some research for himself he was on board with it. I only shared what I was doing with very few people because I only wanted people that would encourage me and help me to know I wanted no negative while I was going through this process. I'm so happy with my decision I'm 6 months out and 90 lbs down and couldn't have done that without great people behind me.

Edited August 19, 2014 by mrslb5

[haleytrim 244]

Me, I have told everyone. I am soooo excited at having a chance to have this surgery. My husband is so awesome for understanding why I need this and allowing me to do what I need to do. Even though he is retired and I am very close to retiring and I am totally self-pay. I have taken some ribbing at my office because I am going to Mexico, but it is all in good fun. The people I work with know that I am a level headed intelligent woman and would not take unreasonable chances with my life and health. Actually they have alleviated some of the nervousness I have felt. They tease me about being used for spare parts and such. I think when I go back to work, I will take a mock body part maybe a plastic medical liver or kidney and tell them my surgeon sent me home with extra parts!!!

[darwinlady33 16]

I've only spoken to my mum who has offered to come and support me while im in hospital but not going to tell anyone else. I don't actually look at big as i am heavy and i can't stand any more negativity in my life :-)

[camden1928 10]

Have told no-one, part of my surgery is work on a bile duct condition I have that results in about the same amount of time on liquids, then healthy (no extra fat, fried etc purees) and that I have had done before. I have already started working out and dieting so the continuation in addition to eating FAR less should be fine.

I will say though more than the fears of failure, naseau, pain is someone figuring it out after I said it was bile duct surgery and diet and exercise. I mean it is all of those things and then one other thing in addition but you know what I mean.

[jersey_girl_86 61]

I have only told my mother. My husband doesn't even know, he knows I am having surgery in April or May on my stomach but assumes it's for my ulcers. I haven't lied I just don't go into details. I don't have anyone in my family or friends that would be supportive except my mother bc she went threw the same struggles and had gastric bypass 14 years ago.

[MamaTo3inNH 100]

I haven't gone in yet (1/19!) but have only told hubs and the kids (they are 12, 8 & 3), my besties (one of whom had the sleeve in September), my brothers and SIL, my parents, my mom's boyfriend, and a few of my hockey mom friends (one of whom has the band) I will most likely never tell my in laws. My MIL is miss gossip and I don't trust her as far as I can throw her, and the whole lot of them are Judgey McJudgersons. God forbid I have some major complication and hubby needs a hand with the kids he has permission to tell his mom, but I would (literally God forbid) need to be on my deathbed for that to happen.

You tell whomever you few comfortable with. Tell everyone, tell no one. It's your journey, your choice

[heynowkc 329]

Pretty much everyone who knows me knows.

[MsAlaineus 63]

I told my parents, and my boss. I told my parents because I knew that they would support me even if they didn't agree 100%. I told my boss because we are really close, and in the event I needed more time off, I wanted her to understand why. She was very supportive as well. It was funny, because I expected an argument. I expected people to disapprove or make comments. No one did. That let me know that I was a little worried about my decision, so I spent a little more time researching and thinking about why I was doing it and also thinking about the changes that I would have to undergo in order to make this a success for me. That helped a lot. Other than that, I don't plan on sharing it with anyone. I think the more that I share it with people, the more I open myself up to their opinions.

[aguirremna 1]

I go to a therapy group every week and I have not told them nor 90% off my family. I feel shame about having to have this surgery because I'm so fat. A part of me knows how much I fight not to be like this, and the other part blames me for what I have done to get me here.

[txfirefly979 21]

My husband was the first one I told. my surgery is a couple weeks out and I just told my parents. No siblings or extended family. With a low BMI (and no one believing me when I tell them what I weigh), I didnt want any "you're not that fat!" or "you should try xxx diet!" comments --- only supportive people. Honestly, I dont know that I will ever tell them... we only see them 2-3 times a year. I told my boss that I would be having a medical procedure and would need 5-7 days off work (and I have vacation/sick time to cover).
My PCP and husband are VERY supportive and know what all I've tried in the years prior. excited and nervous!

Edited March 4, 2015 by txfirefly979