Support.

[HalloweenBaby24 447]

I try my best to stay positive and fun, Especially when It come's to the forums here.

But today left me feeling blue (Yeah here it come's my first really negative, possibly sad post) Not that it was a bad day, I have a lot to be grateful for..The sky was blue, It was warm, Money in my pocket and got to spend it with my husband and 4 year old daughter outside all day.

When I got home I logged onto Facebook to check in with my friends and family and got to see all the great thing's they were also doing on this wonderful day, Pictures of my close friends spending time together, smiling and my 55 year old Mom who raises my 8 year old niece pictures of them at the park together..All of these great pictures with people I love, But there was something missing...Me.

For those who don't know my story, I am 24yo and a stay at home mom. I live in NJ which is 3 hours away from my home state of Maryland where all my friends and family live, We live in NJ for my husbands work, I have been living here for the past 5 years and have stayed home for every single one of them. I have no friends here, No one other then my husband and daughter. And though I love them to pieces I miss those close friendships I had/have with other people. It get's very lonely staying home and I can't help but feeling like I'm missing out on life when I see my friends and family moving onto great thing's without me.

I'm a pretty strong individual and I've endured a lot in my short 24 years on this earth, So I don't feel as though "Lack of support" will get in my way of success with the surgery. I just wish I had someone to spend it with...

I guess a support group of sorts would be great, But I'm not there yet with being approved by my insurance and there's no guarantee that I will be so right now I feel like finding a group is a waste of time. The forums are a great way to socialize, But I guess I'm just looking for more.

Is there anyone else out there in this position or have any suggestions to get out of this slump?

[SusinMichigan 76]

Oh dear, we have no children, and 21 years ago, my husband took a job in Buffalo NY from Hamtramck (Detroit) Michigan. We knew no one ... hubby knew a few people from work, but I was dying day by day. I did get some therapy after a bout with shingles, and it helped. We lived there for 20 years. It became my new home and soon the monthly or bi monthly trips to MI stopped and I made Buffalo home. It doesn't happen overnight though. But one day, you will wake up and realize you are home.

One of the things I did was become very community involved. Did a lot of volunteering in community gardening, block club, Good Neighbor Planning Alliance, got involved with supporting my favorite politicians ... you get where I'm going ... you have to be out for people to even know you are there. Go make a difference in where you live and you can make the changes YOU want. Things like a park for your child, etc. If there is anything I can do to help, just let know.

By the way, a year ago we moved back to Michigan ... we both still miss the place I called home, although family is here.

Good luck!

[HalloweenBaby24 447]

@SusinMichigan

Thanks for the Support and Wisdom. I really do enjoy the area in which I live, It's very white picket fence and family oriented somewhere I feel secure and comfortable raising a family. Also Home of the M&M!...I'll admit I could get out more and socialize with others but I also suffer a bit from Anxiety and sometimes find it hard making new friends, Case and point I've had the same friends since Middle School!

[LivingFree! 478]

Sorry you're feeling so sad today, but glad you felt comfortable enough to share with your pals here on BariatricPal.

I am glad that you are surrounded by the love of your husband and daughter, and that you appreciate the joys in your life. Sometimes we have to just let our sad feelings sit with us for a little bit and not fight them and not feel shame that we have them. (I've suffered from chronic depression for a lot of years, so I can kinda relate to the "sad" feeling). But then you can take those deep breaths and reenergize. And--maybe work on building our own personal "Extreme Self-Care ToolKit" that we can go to when these feelings creep back again into our lives (our special "go to" things we have specifically identified that we can do that give us (only us) pleasure and make us feel better).

Being strong emotionally IS pretty important as you head into the WLS process, though, in my opinion. You go through a lot of lifestyle changes, even if you think you've prepared yourself well. I thought I did, and boy were there a lot more things to learn that I never even thought about. So, the stronger and more positive about your life in general that you feel going into surgery, the easier an adjustment you'll have.

I was wondering if you might just be on the verge of developing a whole new circle of friends as your daughter begins her school years--there's going to be endless opportunities to interact there. And, are you and your family/friends on Skype or other video conferencing? If not, that might help alot to make you feel closer to them. And lastly, can you all come up with a "half-way meeting point (1 and 1/2 hours drive for each of you) that you could do every one or two months so you can be with each other more often and have something to look forward to?

So where are you in your WLS process? Why do you think you might not be approved? I know it's kinda early in the process to talk about this, but when you ARE approved, be sure you ask about their aftercare and the support groups they offer. I go to four support groups a month and have since my surgery 3 years ago, and it has made a big, no a HUGE impact in my journey.

Take good care of yourself. Hope you feel better soon. Let us know how you're doing.

[blondiebabs 214]

Agreed with SusinMichigan's post. I lived in CA for about 10 years with my xhusband, all of my family is in TX, and then I moved to FL and have been here for 8 years. I haven't seen my family in person in 11 years. However I do feel like I'm home and I would miss it terribly if I moved back to TX where all of my family is. I totally get the social anxiety thing, I'm a bit of a homebody myself for the same reason. If it is hard for you to get out of the house and create a social group there just keep forging friendships online, some of the people I talk to the most and have the longest term friendships live nowhere near me, I have never even met in person and we are basically pen-pals online and text each other and stuff, I find their friendship just as valuable as being able to hang out with someone in person, a lot of times they are able to help me over those lonely humps in the road. Chin up, good things will happen for you!

[HalloweenBaby24 447]

Thanks for the support ladies.

I know my feelings are mostly temporary, So that's good.

Unfortunately all friends and family are very caught up in life (As am I) for coming up with a halfway point for monthly meetings, So we take a monthly trip down at least once but it's started to feel a bit one sided as no one ever takes the time to come up and see us. My daughter won't be starting school till next fall sadly since she has a late birthday (Thanksgiving Baby), So we'll at least have to wait till then to start socializing with other mom's. I find in this area their is a lack of younger parents, Example: My neighbors who I socialize with occasionally are in their mid 40's to late 50's and have small children age's 1-6yo, though great to talk with we don't really have much in common other then parenting (Which that conversation only goes so far).

[Pkdvm 175]

Hi there,

I live in South Jersey, am just finishing up my final nutrition class and hope to be approved in the next 2-3 weeks and schedule surgery for late July. I'm also a halloween baby(10/31/58) and can always use a new friend.

I wish you the best of luck!

Phyllis

[blondiebabs 214]

I had to start school a year late too since I'm a November baby, I know your daughter's eventual pain. lol

[HalloweenBaby24 447]

@@Pkdvm

Northern NJ here.

I have a consultation appointment with my Gastroenterologist this Tuesday, And then setting up another appointment with him to get my GI checked out. After that appointment I'm ready to send the in my papers to my insurance company and hope for approval!..My surgery is scheduled for September 8th.

Another Halloween Baby (10/31/89) I always get giddy when I meet someone with the same Birthday!

[Cupcake 801]

I am sorry that you are feeling sad since you mentioned children is it possible for you to volunteer at their school that way you ca meet new people also look for mommy programs in your community when you and you child will have a play day and you can meet new people that way as well. Going to the park with your child you can meet new people. I wish you the best of luck.

[beeteroo 166]

I've moved a couple of places without knowing anyone and it's hard and scary! Since you have a child you have a great "tool" to help you meet people! Look up play groups in your area! Start with parents as teachers and see if they have a program in your area. Some areas stop the play groups at age 3 others continue until age 5. I remember those days of not knowing anyone and being stuck in a house with a little one wondering if there were ever any adults I could talk to! If you would like friends, you should definitely look up groups of people in your area with similar interests. Lol....when I had little ones I didn't really have any interests except the kids so play groups are the way to go!

And you can look up support groups for bariatrics and start going whether you've had surgery or not! Check out overeaters anonymous. TOPS is another one.

Edited June 8, 2014 by beeteroo

[HalloweenBaby24 447]

I did find a "Mommy Group" around me at one point and went to 3 of the meeting's around the time my daughter was 2, the "Group" consisted of 10moms who got together in the evenings at one another's homes to either plop the kids In a gated area, or out back in the yard while they sat around drinking wine and talking about who had the best Home, Boat, Kid, Husband, Vacation....

I live in a apartment, Drive a used car and vacation for a week in the summer camping out at the shore lol so needless to say I didn't quite "Fit In" not to mention they were all about 20 years older then me.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I am an introvert by nature who was a shy child who has learned to make friends due to several significant moves. You have received some great suggestions already. I agree with them, especially the support group like OA, volunteering, etc.

No one has mentioned church. If you practice religion it is a great way to join a community -- and many churches have good childrens programs.

Another suggestion is your local library. I recently moved to a small town and have library cards at my local library in addition to 2 adjacent counties. They all have a variety of groups and programs.

You memtioned camping...see if there is a Sierra club chapter in your area. I can't wait to have my surgery and lose enough to start hiking again.

Edited July 10, 2014 by shannonsgt

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Oh, I forgot to add art. I have found that having a creative outlet is important for me in my wl journey. Try an art, ceramics, (or dance,etc.) class. Do you have a local YMCA or community art center? They are great places to meet people and just have fun.

[Myonlybattle 65]

I am a mom of older kids (13 and 8) and I PROMISE you this will get way better when your daughter starts school, and you will have the bonus of feeling better about yourself than every before (at least, that's my plan after I have the sleeve) . . . it's very hard to be in a place with a young child and no family around - you can go to playgrounds and that sort of thing - you may luck out, I know I did at a couple - and you should look to see if there are any other mother's groups you are missing. I'm in Mass and there are a few groups in my town alone to choose from. But even if you don't find any, you WILL find friends if you reach out once your daughter starts school. You are a young mom so not every mom is going to be in her 20s, but there will be some! Stay positive, enjoy your daughter for now, and get ready to be social when she starts school. Good Luck to you!