I had a meltdown today!

[Hazel524 6]

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum but I've read a lot of posts behind the anonymity of my iPhone and have related so much with a lot of ppl. So I figured, why not post my own journey. Maybe my experience can help someone the way I'm being comforted thru this site.

I'm currently awaiting my lapband surgery, which is scheduled for June 30th. I'm 5'7 and weigh 223lbs bmi 35. This to some May sound like not a stat situation but it feels extremely dire to me. I unlike others didn't grow up as a chubby kid, I actually was quite the opposite. It wasn't until I was about 20 that the weight crept on and never left ( I'm now 30). Ppl who have been heavy all there life from what I can imagine have prob endured plenty of criticism as have I. Idk why but ppl on a regular basis have approached me and said more times than I can count, "wow, u got fat"! Even my neighbor who I say hi and bye to took the liberty of saying how svelte I used to be and that I gained a lot of weight. This has crushed my spirit and self esteem. Sometimes I wonder if me being heavy my entire life would leave me more equipped to deal with snide insensitive comments but I know of course it wouldn't. Words hurt and are damaging. I have turned into a antisocial person who doesn't want to go out bcuz I don't feel comfortable in my clothes and I am constantly trying to avoid bumping into ppl I haven't seen in a while ( being that I live in a small town). I've made the decision with much trepidation to get the lap band as a away to reclaim my life. I have pcos and and borderline diabetic which are contributing factors to my decision but I also want to look and FEEL good again, if anyone out there has had similar experiences I would love to hear from u!

[kll724 3,055]

((((hugs)))) and welcome to our forum. It sounds like you will make the right decision for you. Best wishes!

[plopez 77]

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum but I've read a lot of posts behind the anonymity of my iPhone and have related so much with a lot of ppl. So I figured, why not post my own journey. Maybe my experience can help someone the way I'm being comforted thru this site. I'm currently awaiting my lapband surgery, which is scheduled for June 30th. I'm 5'7 and weigh 223lbs bmi 35. This to some May sound like not a stat situation but it feels extremely dire to me. I unlike others didn't grow up as a chubby kid, I actually was quite the opposite. It wasn't until I was about 20 that the weight crept on and never left ( I'm now 30). Ppl who have been heavy all there life from what I can imagine have prob endured plenty of criticism as have I. Idk why but ppl on a regular basis have approached me and said more times than I can count, "wow, u got fat"! Even my neighbor who I say hi and bye to took the liberty of saying how svelte I used to be and that I gained a lot of weight. This has crushed my spirit and self esteem. Sometimes I wonder if me being heavy my entire life would leave me more equipped to deal with snide insensitive comments but I know of course it wouldn't. Words hurt and are damaging. I have turned into a antisocial person who doesn't want to go out bcuz I don't feel comfortable in my clothes and I am constantly trying to avoid bumping into ppl I haven't seen in a while ( being that I live in a small town). I've made the decision with much trepidation to get the lap band as a away to reclaim my life. I have pcos and and borderline diabetic which are contributing factors to my decision but I also want to look and FEEL good again, if anyone out there has had similar experiences I would love to hear from u!

I share your pain. Lol

I'm 5'5 243..... Did my Atkins 2 weeks and lost 10 lbs up to yesterday....I had my lapband yesterday and I'm doing great.

This is an awesome forum. Welcome!!!!

[nerms 237]

I don't understand why people can't keep their rude comments to themselves. My friend was told "wow you've put on weight" on her 18th birthday and I've had my fair share of "should you be eating that" along with many many "fat bitch" comments out car windows, mooing at school etc etc. Also heaps of bullying from 12 years old to about 16 which left me with social anxiety and depression .. I think deciding to get the lapband is a great decision. I can't wait to say "how fat am I now bitches??" hehehe

I'm being banded on the 29th of July and I just cannot wait!

[BandedMi 13]

Hi!! My surgery is scheduled for the end of June, too! I am 260, only 5 '2". I was never fat fat either, but I was never thin. I thought I was perfect. Butt, boobs, I had guys that wanted me throughout highs hook, it was usually the white guys who opted to call me fat in subtle ways. I never minded, because I liked myself. I was around 160. After high school, before my first child I weighed 180. Then 200. I was diagnosed with pcos. It was right after I worked at an ice cream shop, so I thought I gained from that! I couldn't get pregnant, they put me on pills....6 years and 2 children later, I weigh 260! I wad 270, but ended up having a large mass removed along with my ovary. Anyway!! Here I am 260, hardly leave my house BC I'm so insecure about people who may know me. Sometimes, I wish I was one of the fat girls who loved themselves. I dont. Its been hard on me, BC the one thing I know I need...is to understand that my weight doesn't define me or make me a better or worse person. Whether I am fat or thin, I am still a soul, a human being, who God loves. I became a Christian 4 years ago after reading what the Bible says about heaven/salvation. Best thing I ever did. The truth is...i dont care if people love me, I dont love myself. We need to work on this. Understanding that it does not matter what other humans think of us, but rather that we are who we are, struggling, thin, fat, ugly, whatever.... We can change these things, but will that really change how we feel about ourselves inside? I would like to think, once I am thinner, I will have more confidence, I will change for the better.... But the truth in that is....i am conforming to what everyone else finds acceptable and pretty. Its rubbish. Do this weight loss thing, but never, ever forget who you are/were. I hope for health, energy, and social anxiety to dissipate. But part of me will probably be very frustrated at the people who treated me different because I was fat. Being bigger has helped me to not feel disgusted with fat people, but to empathize and pray for them, their health. I dont know. I am kinda weird. I'm so excited to get banded, but mostly in excited to have a boost to help me break free from my problems with food. When I spend a month here and there dieting, I love having control over food. I am hopeful that this will make me better all around, even though it shouldn't matter.

[cpfisher77 5]

I too was a very thin person. However, once I hit 30 that all changed. Suddenly people felt the need to ask what my weight was, etc. as if I did not own a mirror and realize I has gained weight.