Feelings hurt bad :(

[TxDumplin 69]

Yes, i'm a slow loser and i've had rny over a year ago and just now met surgeons goal. I have not been perfect during this process and would never pretend to be. Someone very close to me just told me that i should be losing faster and that i'm flabby and that i should work on that. I had to come home and cry. I guess i'm hormonal or something...but this hit me hard ...Do any of you feel like you always have to defend what you are doing and feel like people are just watching your every move to see what you put in your mouth....This is the part i hate the most about others knowing I had RNY. I'm not done, i still want to meet "my" goal...but it has to me on my terms and on my clock. I'm just tired of defending myself to no end.

[dbsylvest 21]

Yes there are rude and thoughtless people in this world but this is YOUR journey and you have to do it on your terms ! I'm sorry this happened to you but keep on keeping on. There will always be those that want to express CONCERN for you and don't think or know how tough this process is! Keep a smile on your face and politely tell them to BUTT OUT!

[TxDumplin 69]

Thank you dbsylvest...I really, really needed to hear that. It is my journey and no one knows my struggles but me. I know i should not let it bother me...but gheesh, that really hurt my heart.

[ladykatie_ 117]

I'm so sorry your friend has hurt you. Everything seems to hit me hard nowadays (just over two weeks post op). I'm pretty open about the surgery and my best friend in the whole world doesn't seem to know how to handle me lately. She's been supportive and saw me in the hospital, etc. but I just feel like she's walking on eggshells around me now and when I tell her about issues I'm having (because I tell her everything) she barely has anything to say. It hurts to think that she may be in doubt about my surgery and I know her so well, that I think she is.

It's difficult for everyone around you to comprehend this journey. It's not an easy one and it doesn't seem like it's "socially acceptable" yet, if that makes sense. People think it's the easy way out when clearly it is not. So luckily, I haven't had anyone say anything negative to me YET but I sense it coming on and after reading these forums, I've come to expect it.

I guess my point is, STAY STRONG. Like the other person said, it is your journey and you've done awesome so far. No one is perfect and no one should expect you to be. Tell them to mind their own business so that you can focus on yours.

[JanetteH 80]

Do any of you feel like you always have to defend what you are doing and feel like people are just watching your every move to see what you put in your mouth....This is the part i hate the most about others knowing I had RNY.

Hi BethAnn,

Congratulations on reaching your surgeon's goal! Who cares how long it took you - you persevered and you did it!! I'm only 3 months out so I haven't reached even the halfway point yet.

Yes I have "friends" who watch everything I eat. One in particular (who is only 105 pounds and probably anorexic) asks me what I'm eating every time we go out - even if it's just for coffee!! (a skinny latte). It's starting to drive me nuts and I regret telling her. But then I felt that people were watching what I ate before - because I was so fat. I just have to roll with the punches and enjoy my weight loss.

[Cupcake 801]

I agree with the above statements stay focus take one day at a time, this is your life changed not theirs so they do not understand. This is one of the main reasons I didn't tell anyone but my husband and kids. It's no ones bud insets and you always have haters as well as people who don't understand or don't want to. Good luck .

[TxDumplin 69]

Thanks ladies for your support...I'll keep on truckin' and inching along. Y'all are wonderful, sincere and kind. Nobody but us can understand what we've been through and will continue to go through. Thanks goodness we have each other and the whole WLS community to turn to in times like these. It's made a huge difference in my mood already just reading your responces...and for that, i'm very greatful

[Baconville 578]

Hi Beth Ann,

There is not another person that can know your journey except YOU! Even those of us who are also experiencing our own RNY journey, are having different experiences. The great thing about this site is that you might find somebody who is experiencing the same thing you are. But no two of us will experience the same journey. We are all different.

In my experience, people who make insensitive comments, normally do so for two reasons, ignorance or jealously. Your very small friend, may just not realize what she said is hurtful. If she is important enough to you, talk to her and explain why what she said was hurtful. You can't change what you don't know. Others feel uncomfortable with your weight loss, not because you have lost weight, but because it makes them more aware of the poor food and exercise choices that they are making. This is a much harder group to address, and in my experience, these are just people I have limited my exposure to. I am certainly not going back to old habits to make them more comfortable!

As to your 'slow' weight loss, YOU HAVE MET YOUR DOCTOR'S GOAL IN A YEAR! That is AWSOME!! I am sure your doctor has had weight loss goals for you in the past. Have you EVER met them - in one year or ten? I know I haven't. You have done amazing! You should be congratulating yourself on your new life and focusing on improving the areas you still think you need to. The journey is never truly done. The only way we grow is to work on ourselves in some way. That is called LIVING!

Enjoy,

Carol

[TxDumplin 69]

Thank you Carol...I do feel so much better and no longer have to take blood pressure meds and may be able to stop cholesterol soon. I will always have to take my thyroid meds though. This person is calling me...but i'm not answering my phone...LOL, I'm still thinking on how i'm gona tell her to butt out ....and stop raining on my parade!

[Sparklingbeauty53 202]

When something is said to me that is hurtful I right away say "What part of that was supposed to make me feel better?" or "What part of that was supposed to make me feel good about myself?" It shuts them up every time, and makes them think.

You might have to have a heart to heart with that person telling them their comments are hurtful and why. If they don't know they will repeat the behavior.