Ugh...darn the naysayers!

[NicoleSW 78]

I've started my weight loss surgery journey and have about three months to go before my surgery. I have chosen to not tell many people because I didn't want anyone "raining on my parade" because I have been warned about that. I have told both of my parents and step mom and also my grandmother as well as a few very select friends and have a coworker who has had RNY and is also a good support. Everyone has been VERY supportive and to be honest, I have been surprised by the support. This morning I was so pumped up, I would have had the surgery tomorrow if they let me. Then, I told a close friend of mine who instantly said, "Are you sure you want to do that?" Then proceeded to tell me all the negatives. I already KNOW all the risks and the downfalls. I also am 27 and have substantial risk of diabetes (pre diabetic) and heart disease in my family (I already have mild inflammation of my cardiac tissue). Obviously, the risks out weight the potential complications. I'm not sure why I'm allowing the opinion of one person to deflate my excitement and confidence over my choice, and I'm not changing my mind and I know MANY others have had this happen. Just had to vent.

Edited October 30, 2014 by NicoleSW

[old lady pilot 12]

I had proximal RNY in March 2004. There were a lot fewer options as to procedures being done. I have the kind of personality that if I can figure a way around something I will. At the time of surgery I was working in an office that had only single ladies room with 3stalls for 50+ women.These 2 considerations shaped my choice of procedure. A RNY is not something you can reverse without going through surgery again. I did not go for a distal or duodenal switch because of sharing a bathroom in very close quarters.I had sweeter vs a bloater eating habit and I had read that too much sweet stuff could cause you dump and that was like a fate worse than death!

About 1 month post- op a friend of mine found about a pound of fresh duck fois gras on sale and we couldn't resist hauling out my fois gras cook book. I was still on medical leave so we planned to have it the following night. I spent the day making a roasted garlic puree to go with it. I am the cook so I reverently pan seared our prize.and we sat down to eat. I was sated after about 4 bites. About a h Alf hour later I started to feel awful. I had extremely sharp pains in my stomach.This was closely followed by very, severe stomach and intestinal cramps and diarrhea. I was dumping and hoped I was going to die to stop the pain. I had not realized that excessively fatty food could also cause very big problems!!

So

I learned that my new stomach had done just what I wanted. I was going to have to stick to the programme or bad things would happen again.

I knew that I had picked the right procedure for me.

I am now 10 years out and have lost and kept off 150lbs. I considered both the mental and physical consequences of the available surgery back then. I needed to have real consequences if I did not follow the Rules.

I am sorry for the long post but as you know you have to choose what is best for your life and psyche. Having the surgery will change your life and probably also save it as it did for me.

Cheers,

Jane

[NicoleSW 78]

Thank you so much! I know I'm doing the right thing for me. It just sucks when you don't have support of someone you were hoping would support you.

I'm reading more often that people are happy with their choice and I have seen where a lot of sleevers end up with RNY.

I too need those consequences. I hate throwing up so just that fact will deter me. I appreciate your response and it's really awesome to see someone who had the surgery that long ago still doing well. I know it's a whole lifestyle change but the benefits are going to be amazing. I don't even care about being "skinny" I want to be healthy and do things that I haven't done in a long time. I'm tired of missing out on experiences.

[Writerjennifer 107]

So far everyone I told has either been supportive, or silent. Which to my mind says I don't agree with your choice but I trust you to make it thoughtfully.

But I've only just started telling people.... Once I was approved and scheduled. my husband asked me if I'm sure I want to do this? he worries about me. So many possible complications. But the alternative is living life from behind the tv and computer screen

[NicoleSW 78]

So far everyone I told has either been supportive, or silent. Which to my mind says I don't agree with your choice but I trust you to make it thoughtfully. But I've only just started telling people.... Once I was approved and scheduled. my husband asked me if I'm sure I want to do this? he worries about me. So many possible complications. But the alternative is living life from behind the tv and computer screen

I agree. I hate that I'm missing out on so many life experiences!!

[hwerle 1]

Hi! I am 11 weeks out fron rny! Before and after I have only shared the info of my surgery with close friends and family. I made this decision I wouldn't want to be bombarded with the naysayers who think I have taken the "easy" way out! This definitely was not that! Good luck!

[Wayne Hunt 59]

Nicole,

I've said it before, but it bears repeating... "People" (like this Nurse friend of yours) suck...

For the record, none of what you repeated from him is true at all. I'm -- I believe -- 13-14 weeks out now. I've stopped counting..

Eating: I eat what I want, but strongly make every effort to eat right. I just eat very small bits of it, so if I go to Ford's Fish Shack and order a Smoked Salmon dinner, I already know I'll get 3 to 4 meals out of it for the same price I was paying before. Most economical, and most incorrect on his part.

Shots: Ok.. A given. For most of us, there are about 2 weeks (14 days) post surgery where we have to give ourselves injections of Lovenox, which is a blood thinner. I'm TERRIFIED of needles, but they made me do the first one in the hospital and I realized that the needles they use now are so incredibly tiny that you don't even feel them... I'm really a big wimpy baby where pain and shots are concerned, so please believe me when I say that for *me* to be able to do it, absolutely anyone can do it.

"it messes up your entire gastric system": K? Say Wha?!? What a declarative BS, idiotic, non-statement... It's like the WLS equivalent of "bringing up Hitler in a forum debate"..

WLS surgery is a big deal. You may only see the 5 little cuts, but your body takes several months to adjust. That being said, nothing is "messed up". If anything, your gastric system is put to right, where you are then restricted from eating badly. food also becomes like the number one focus of your life for a while as you learn how to eat right. Something that most of us NEVER knew how to do pre-op.

The benefits of WLS for "people of size" are extremely well documented. Major, MAJOR benefits which -- depending on your surgery -- are usually long-lasting. Otherwise, the number crunchers at the insurance companies would fight you tooth and nail before spending a dime of the money they've already taken from you...

The end result, and I mean this very sincerely is that your "friend" is an idiot. At least where Weight Loss Surgery is concerned. While I absolutely understand your hesitance to share your intent with others, as you've discovered, not everyone is an idiot...

My "learn to be quiet" moment came during the 6-month mandated insurance wait when I told a co-worker who instantly said "oh, you'll never qualify for that, you don't need that, I'd never approve you for something like that", etcetera...

Now I'm 60 pounds lighter than when I started this process and I have absolutely no regrets...

The funniest thing happened though. Ever since my bypass, my aforementioned co-worker has become like the first one in the room who "notices" and compliments me on my progress, so there's hope..

Anyone that gives you negative? "Show them the hand" and just truck on with your bad self.

We're here for you,

Wayne

Edited July 2, 2014 by Wayne Hunt

[NicoleSW 78]

Nicole, I've said it before, but it bears repeating... "People" (like this Nurse friend of yours) suck... For the record, none of what you repeated from him is true at all. I'm -- I believe -- 13-14 weeks out now. I've stopped counting.. Eating: I eat what I want, but strongly make every effort to eat right. I just eat very small bits of it, so if I go to Ford's Fish Shack and order a Smoked Salmon dinner, I already know I'll get 3 to 4 meals out of it for the same price I was paying before. Most economical, and most incorrect on his part. Shots: Ok.. A given. For most of us, there are about 2 weeks (14 days) post surgery where we have to give ourselves injections of Lovenox, which is a blood thinner. I'm TERRIFIED of needles, but they made me do the first one in the hospital and I realized that the needles they use now are so incredibly tiny that you don't even feel them... I'm really a big wimpy baby where pain and shots are concerned, so please believe me when I say that for *me* to be able to do it, absolutely anyone can do it. "it messes up your entire gastric system": K? Say Wha?!? What a declarative BS, idiotic, non-statement... It's like the WLS equivalent of "bringing up Hitler in a forum debate".. WLS surgery is a big deal. You may only see the 5 little cuts, but your body takes several months to adjust. That being said, nothing is "messed up". If anything, your gastric system is put to right, where you are then restricted from eating badly. food also becomes like the number one focus of your life for a while as you learn how to eat right. Something that most of us NEVER knew how to do pre-op. The benefits of WLS for "people of size" are extremely well documented. Major, MAJOR benefits which -- depending on your surgery -- are usually long-lasting. Otherwise, the number crunchers at the insurance companies would fight you tooth and nail before spending a dime of the money they've already taken from you... The end result, and I mean this very sincerely is that your "friend" is an idiot. At least where Weight Loss Surgery is concerned. While I absolutely understand your hesitance to share your intent with others, as you've discovered, not everyone is an idiot... My "learn to be quiet" moment came during the 6-month mandated insurance wait when I told a co-worker who instantly said "oh, you'll never qualify for that, you don't need that, I'd never approve you for something like that", etcetera... Now I'm 60 pounds lighter than when I started this process and I have absolutely no regrets... The funniest thing happened though. Ever since my bypass, my aforementioned co-worker has become like the first one in the room who "notices" and compliments me on my progress, so there's hope.. Anyone that gives you negative? "Show them the hand" and just truck on with your bad self. We're here for you, Wayne

Thanks Wayne! Yeah I did a lot of research...again, after what he said and the silver lining is that I felt even more positive about surgery when I was done. I told my last family member recently and she said, "Why can't you just do it some other way?" Then when I presented her with the research and my reasons for why this is what's best for me she goes, "Yeah, I guess it would be miserable being like you are." It was a shocker but I found it much easier to let it roll off my back. There's always going to be ignorant people who don't understand and I get that. But I have more supportive people in my corner than I originally thought and they are equally excited for me to get healthy. And if course, it's amazing to hear the positive stories from other WLS people! I'm getting the RNY around the beginning of October. thanks again!

[DaronB 103]

Nicole, your initial most reminds me SO MUCH of myself! I, too, am about 3-4mos pre-op and have had a hard time finding someone that I could share my excitement with about my decision. I've told very view people because the support just isn't there so I've stopped telling people and am pushing forward anyway. My family is eat up with heart disease/attacks, diabetes, etc. In fact, I have a cousin who is 34 and in much better health than me (I'm 27) who had a heart attack this past year. I have problems myself so I absolutely feel like I'm making the right choice.

You are too.

It's a personal choice and your friend needs to be supportive. It's ok for him to not like your choice but he needs to respect it.

[NicoleSW 78]

Nicole, your initial most reminds me SO MUCH of myself! I, too, am about 3-4mos pre-op and have had a hard time finding someone that I could share my excitement with about my decision. I've told very view people because the support just isn't there so I've stopped telling people and am pushing forward anyway. My family is eat up with heart disease/attacks, diabetes, etc. In fact, I have a cousin who is 34 and in much better health than me (I'm 27) who had a heart attack this past year. I have problems myself so I absolutely feel like I'm making the right choice. You are too. It's a personal choice and your friend needs to be supportive. It's ok for him to not like your choice but he needs to respect it.

I'm 27 too. My grandpa had his first heart attack at 34 (had two more afterwards, two open heart surgeries). Both grandmas have diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. We are definitely making the best decisions for us! Keep in touch! We can support each other.

[blackonynx 27]

Nicole, diabetes and heart disease runs heavily in my family too. I'm scheduled for band removal in 5 days, I'm considering RNY due to many family complications and open heart surgeries. I'm a diabetic with HBP and I'm twice your age. I'm considered a light weight for RNY ( 5'3" and 215 lbs) and I'm trying hard not to listen to jealous folks. When I first started losing with the lap band, My co-worker said " OK, you better stop losing b/c you don't want to look like her" referring to another co-worker that had surgery. I think the other co-worker look amazing. I am still 60 lbs overweight and the band has to go after 5 years and only lost 33 lbs. I know what's best for me and hope that it's not too late. Hang in there, you sound like a strong person and I'm also heeding the good advice from your respondents. I'm starting to not worry about image so much like I used to. Now, I just want to get back healthy. Therefore, I can't even tell my co-workers.

[NicoleSW 78]

Nicole, diabetes and heart disease runs heavily in my family too. I'm scheduled for band removal in 5 days, I'm considering RNY due to many family complications and open heart surgeries. I'm a diabetic with HBP and I'm twice your age. I'm considered a light weight for RNY ( 5'3" and 215 lbs) and I'm trying hard not to listen to jealous folks. When I first started losing with the lap band, My co-worker said " OK, you better stop losing b/c you don't want to look like her" referring to another co-worker that had surgery. I think the other co-worker look amazing. I am still 60 lbs overweight and the band has to go after 5 years and only lost 33 lbs. I know what's best for me and hope that it's not too late. Hang in there, you sound like a strong person and I'm also heeding the good advice from your respondents. I'm starting to not worry about image so much like I used to. Now, I just want to get back healthy. Therefore, I can't even tell my co-workers.

My best friend is lap band to RNY. She is set for October/November she lost a lot but has since had a lot of complications and gained a lot of her weight back. Good luck! We can do this!

[Tgarden 76]

Nicole, don't let the nay-sayers get you down!! It sounds like you have done your research and are not making this decision lightly. I for one have NEVER had to give myself a shot. I have no problems eating approved foods, and am truly not very hungry most of the time. I FEEL AMAZING!! Three months out and almost 50 pounds gone. I only regretted my decision for about 3 days during the first week i was home, but I was just overwhelmed. The feeling passed quickly, and I have not looked back. Pain is minimal, it just takes about a month to start feeling like yourself again. You will do great! Blessings to you!