Spouse not on board with WLS

[eyemama5 6]

I am going to my first appt with the surgeon on 6/13/14, I told my husband I would give their weight loss program a try first. He thinks WLS is WAY too drastic and I should be able to just not eat so much and lose weight. Also he thinks I would defeat the surgery because as in his words "Nothing gets in the way of you and food!!" I'm 5'4" and my highest weight was 328, my CW is 301. I can lose using MyFitnessPal and jounaling every bite I eat, but I'm fighting hunger and cravings all the time and eventually the hunger wins. Has anyone else had issues with a spouse and what did you do to convince them? I just don't want to do something that he is totally against.

[Pugmadkate 61]

My husband didn't want me to have surgery at all because any surgery can be dangerous. I gave him a few weeks to adjust to the idea and then approached the idea again. The bottom line is that it is my body, my choice and I expect support. My husband has risen to the occasion and has educated himself. He's still worried but is also supportive. I'm thankful for that.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

You have to let him read the posts here, the success stories. I swear it will change his mind. My husband and I did the sleeve together. Best decision ever made. Good luck.

[woo woo 872]

I hear you telling us all about what he thinks.... now I am wondering what YOU think about it. Support from your spouse is important, but at the end of the day this is one of those things that you have to decide for yourself.

Do you want to try their weight loss program first? Or is that something you are doing because your hubby doesn't want you to do surgery? Just things to think about.

Welcome to the site!!

[eyemama5 6]

I hear you telling us all about what he thinks.... now I am wondering what YOU think about it. Support from your spouse is important, but at the end of the day this is one of those things that you have to decide for yourself.

Do you want to try their weight loss program first? Or is that something you are doing because your hubby doesn't want you to do surgery? Just things to think about.

Welcome to the site!!

I don't mind dieting some first and getting healthier for the surgery. But I think the surgery is the only way I will be successful in the long run. I just can't lose all this myself and keep it off.

[eyemama5 6]

I hear you telling us all about what he thinks.... now I am wondering what YOU think about it. Support from your spouse is important, but at the end of the day this is one of those things that you have to decide for yourself.

Do you want to try their weight loss program first? Or is that something you are doing because your hubby doesn't want you to do surgery? Just things to think about.

Welcome to the site!!

I am dieting already and have lost about 15 lbs. But I will need help to lose all this and keep it off. He has two good examples to see results of the surgery... our pastor and his wife have both had WLS and are doing great. He just thinks it is a very drastic way to do it. I have read and read for over a month now and think I need to do the surgery. My surgeon has had the surgery himself and I am sure he has a great support system set up for his patients but I would really like to have my husband on board.

[MrsHarris 17]

My hubby is not on board either. We are both overweight. Im 5'4 HW 299 CW 286 surgery June 23 I can't convince him. so I still cook his favorite meals and I eat my trees and bark.

[belunos 93]

My wife wasn't on board at first. I'm a statistics guy though, so I laid out the research.

I don't have the numbers in front of me, but the chances of losing a bunch of weight and keeping it off more than four years are abysmally low.

Also, I was at higher risk of dying from weight complications than from the surgery.

Lastly, I was 37 when I started. With my weight and comorbitaties I didn't have the luxery of taking 'the high road'. It all pretty much convinced her.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Well, yeah it is drastic. But I have been on a diet since 1976 and wasn't getting anywhere except bigger. I am short, so at 235 this time last year, my spine was found to be collapsing under the weight. I had the sleeve in December 2013, and in spite of a couple of long stalls, have kept the first 55 pounds off. Even my internal systems feel so much better already and it is much less painful to walk. Even my posture is better. You have to do this for yourself. You are worth it whether he agrees or not. Don't wait until AFTER you have a stroke, like I did. I wish you good luck and good health.

[NothingUpMySleeve 244]

I believe that the "just eat less and move more" approach has like a 95% failure rate when it comes to anything more than about 20 lb. but sleeve surgery fails less than 10% of the time, or something like that. You can google stats. You are the one who lives in your body. Good luck.

[erp 2,016]

I am going to my first appt with the surgeon on 6/13/14, I told my husband I would give their weight loss program a try first. He thinks WLS is WAY too drastic and I should be able to just not eat so much and lose weight. Also he thinks I would defeat the surgery because as in his words "Nothing gets in the way of you and food!!" I'm 5'4" and my highest weight was 328, my CW is 301. I can lose using MyFitnessPal and jounaling every bite I eat, but I'm fighting hunger and cravings all the time and eventually the hunger wins. Has anyone else had issues with a spouse and what did you do to convince them? I just don't want to do something that he is totally against.

You may still fight hunger and cravings. I get hungry and battle head huger daily. Do not believe that this surgery will take away your desire to eat- that only happens for a rare few.

As far as your hubby, my DH was against it as well. He was very scared and worried for me. I made the best decision for me and we are both better for it. We now workout together and lead a more healthy lifestyle but frankly my goal was never to change his mind. My goal was to do what was best for me/us in the long run.

[thesuse2000 698]

This has been a concern of mine as well. My husband is officially against it and has tried to talk me out of it a few times. What's been good is that we're both clear that it's my decision, but I've heard him out and listened to and responded to his concerns. He kept telling me that from his research he's seeing high rates of complications. I tell him that if he's got something from a valid source that he wants me to read I will gladly read it and consider it, but that the studies I've looked at show relatively low rates of complications and by comparison very high rates of reducing risk for obesity-related diseases. He has not come up with any studies for me to look at.

At this point he accepts it and is supporting me. I wouldn't be shocked if he gives me one more talk before surgery day in a couple weeks, but we will get through it.

I wish you the best in making the best decision for you - and hopefully doing it in partnership with your hubby.

[playlikeworldchamps 595]

My husband was against it also at first. He said the old eat less move more mantra. But he started doing some research and then saw how much Rex Ryan lost with the band (my first option but I got sleeve instead) And then an article came out about obesity and breast cancer reoccurrence and he came on board (I had BC 4 years ago) There are also studies that say if you are morbidly obese you have only 3% chance of keeping weight off even if you so lose it the "natural" way. The surgery improves the odds dramatically. I did not want to go thru the work of losing 100 lbs to have it come back (again). I wanted a chance at a permanent solution. It is scientific fact that when you lose weight without surgery your body produces more ghrelin to make you even more hungry and get you fat again. WLS neutralizes that effect. That's a big advantage over diet and exercise alone.

In any case with or without his backing, I was going ahead with the surgery. Now I am down almost 130lbs and he calls me skinny though I am far from that. He admitted to me that I was so right to do this. And having a husband admit a wife is right is rare indeed!

[stacielynntate 88]

Mine is now going thru this with me for a second time as I'm going from the band to sleeve on 6/18. The first time around he was onboard and didn't have anything to say. Now this time around he goes do what I did (he has lost over 120 lbs in the last year and a half doing no sugar or processed foods and kept if off). I have tried to eat like him but with the band and issues it is hard. I just explained with how bad my knees are (arthritis, it is pretty much bone on bone in the left knee and then a MCL partial tear in the right a few month ago) he sees how uncomfortable I am and says it's up to me and will support me with what I pick. Maybe do a pros and cons with him and explain it and then just maybe he will get onboard and support you

[DarbiMolly 188]

My hubby is very supportive BUT he is worried about me because its surgry. But he said "if that's what you want babe, then I will support you 100%". He's awesome!