Negative/jealous friend?

[TimeforTanya 30]

Hi everyone. First I'd like to take a moment to tell everyone how encouraging and helpful you have been. And good job on All the weight loss...very inspiring.

This is my first time posting but I've followed the threads for months. I'm scheduled for my band on June 23 and am very excited.

Wondering how to deal with my best friend who is so unsupportive and negative about me getting the band. Hoping maybe you guys can help and any/all advice is welcome. My best friend is overweight as well and we both have been each others poison when it comes to food. Our friendship revolves around going out to eat, mainly Chinese buffets at least once a week. Both of us have had a lifelong battle with our weights. When I first mentioned the lap band she was so against it and told me I should loose weight the "right" way and not take the easy way out. Lol this is not the easy way out...as all of you know the band is a lot work. I've def educated her on it so idk why she would thnk tht. This week I got the call to schedule my surgery and all she said was "wow". The following day she called her insurance and started looking into it for herself. Later she tells me how sad it's gonna be since she can't do it w me cuz her insurance won't cover it.

A couple days go by and She gave me hell to not do it cuz of hanging skin and looking "nasty". So rude btw. And we r never gonna be able to hang out anymore cu I'm never gonna be able to eat normal. I finally got annoyed with her and told her I've tried my whole life to loose weight and have failed and yoyo dieted since 14 (I'm now 28 )and it's not her business what I do. She then goes on to tell me ppl are gonna judge me for being lazy and taking the easy way out and ppl will make fun of me. Obviously I've made my choice and everyone in my life knows about it so why would I be Ashamed in any way.

I knw I shouldn't care what she thnks but she is my best friend and in thinking maybe is jealous or worried tht she won't have an overweight buddy to support the eating habits? Has anyone ever dealt with a friend like this? I want her in my life and hope tht maybe she will be inspired by my journey and hope to make a difference for herself.

Edited June 1, 2014 by momma2vincent

[KarenWB 20]

It's clear that she feels very threatened by your upcoming surgery. I'm sure she's afraid you won't be friends anymore since your eating habits will change and she's worried you will be healthier than she will be since her insurance wouldn't cover her surgery. It's sad but you can't hold yourself back because of her jealousy. You don't need that kind of pressure and negativity. I would tell her this and if she doesn't change her attitude, you might have to just move on. Good luck with your surgery! I had mine February 17th of this year.

[SwanRose 86]

It's sad, but sounds to me like she's not so much your best friend as your best 'frenemy'. So long as you do nothing about your weight, she can feel okay for doing nothing about hers. Your surgery is upsetting her applecart and threatening her status quo.

And if your surgery is the 'easy way out', why did she make enquiries about having it herself? Shouldn't she practice what she preaches and lose her weight the 'right' way?

My guess is that once your weight loss is underway, she will find herself a new, overweight friend to eat with.

[TimeforTanya 30]

It's sad, but sounds to me like she's not so much your best friend as your best 'frenemy'. So long as you do nothing about your weight, she can feel okay for doing nothing about hers. Your surgery is upsetting her applecart and threatening her status quo. And if your surgery is the 'easy way out', why did she make enquiries about having it herself? Shouldn't she practice what she preaches and lose her weight the 'right' way? My guess is that once your weight loss is underway, she will find herself a new, overweight friend to eat with.

I've mentioned to her plenty of times "why aren't u doing it the right way then". And she tells me she's not ready for it or doesn't have time or is afraid her skin will hang n her husband will no longer be attracted to her. Of course she gets upset tht I even ask it.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Sorry to say this, but you've already answered the questions yourself. Your friend uses you and food as her crutch, but as soon as she feels her crutch is going to be taken away, she feels all wobbley, and lashes out. Unfair , but true. Since you are both overweight and have food as your entertainment, she's worried that her happy part of her life is going to change drasticaly, and not for the better. Her treatment of YOU, says volumes about HER !!! ! Not to mention her sad excuses for not losing weight herself. If she had no weight problem I might understand why she thought you could lose by diet and exercise ( as if none of us tried that, yeah right !!)!!!, You need to get healthy for YOU, not her. Yes your friendship will change , but whether it changes for the better or not will be up to her. I wish you well !

[TimeforTanya 30]

Pink dahlia- I thnk ur def right tht our friendship will change. I have a feeling tht it may change for the worst. Thank you for ur response. I really appreciate it.

[gowalking 10,790]

She's like your drinking buddy. If you were both alcoholics, you would having to likely avoid her if you decided to stop drinking. Same thing here except it's food and not booze. You can try to reassure her that you want to remain her friend but you need her to be supportive. If she can't do that, you may have to let her go in order for you to move forward.

Good luck...this part won't be easy.

Edited June 1, 2014 by gowalking

[ChristineZ 41]

Hi! I had my surgery April 11th this year think I'm doing good! Down 33lbs!

How horrible for her to do this to you!! I have a friend kinda like that. She just says oh well I've been doing this when I tell her how I'm doing. We don't hardly talk anymore. She never asks me how I'm doing.. I hate that people think this is the "easy way out!" It is not!! I'm doing more now then I was when I tried on my own. I also have pcos and it was very hard for me to lose weight! I tried everything like you I started at 14years old. I work out 3-5 days a week and I have to see people eating yummy bread/pasta but I've overcome that. I'm ok with it. It gets easier as u go along! I go in for my second fill in Tuesday. I'm still losing weight but I should be eating less. (Well I eat what I think I should then I wanna eat 30min later) but it is a long hard road and I'm only a month almost 2months out! But you will feel so much better hen u make this life change!! You can do this with or without her! Maybe she needs to know that! If you have other friends and family that support you stick with them! My husband is amazing and a great supporter! He keeps me motivated and watches me like a hawk! Haha. I'm here if you need a friend! I don't have any friends were I live besides my husbands sister and one friend I never see besides FB. I moved away from all my friends but I have my husband and a 2year old to keep me going! Don't let someone talk you out of what you know is best for you! I dunno what your weight and hight is but not everyone will have sagging skin! I mean some maybe.. But I would rather have a little lose skin then die from a heat attack or diabetes. Hope you have a great safe surgery! If you need someone to talk to look me up!! Good luck!

[Industrious Bee 27]

There Is A Time & A Season For Everything... Just Pray For Her...I have A Few Friends that have left me in the dust, since I been home from the hospital, & even though It hurts at times..I KNOW what I did, I had To Do!..No one is in your body, feels your pain, feels your lonliness or depressions or whatever feelings that have kept us prisoner to food all these yrs..Everything centers around food, always has, probalby always will..But, I know for me that I HAD to do something or I was gonna die, it was that serious..Like I said There is a time & a season for everything..And A True Friend Will Love At ALL Times...Maybe it's time to move ahead a bit, & see what's on the other side...I know I am..Wish you all Gods Best, It will all work out..Things have a way of doing that!..Have a Great Day! And Congrats On Your Special Day...Just follow All of your surgeons orders & you'll be fine..