Emotions + eating

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I am trying to understand my patterns of emotions with eating. Really examine it and learn.

I have known for years that grief will cause me to totally lose my appetite. I literally cannot eat another bite, even mid meal, if I am given bad news, or become suddenly sad. Anger or fear will also stop my appetite cold.

This happened to me on a dinner out with my husband this past week. The vacation surroundings were wonderful, the food was perfect, I was hungry and enjoying the food. Then mid meal he started a fight and I completely lost my appetite. I took the rest of the food back to the hotel and gave it to my daughters.

Although that loss of appetite was not a revelation to me, it got me thinking about my history of overeating. I truly eat for comfort. I feel such happiness when eating. The comfort feeling is the polar opposite of the feeling in my gut I had during our awful dinner. During anger or fear or sadness, my gut hurts, burns, feels queasy. When I'm overeating I am feeling pleasure and comfort and joy. I don't go to the food right after a negative emotional episode. It's more like the next time I'm in a normal state (the next day or later), I just keep eating to keep the good feelings alive.

Of course, with the band I am not overeating as before. I listen to satiety signals and stop. I have a couple of months of good habits under my belt.

It's just that I know that unless I uncover the causes and triggers of my overeating, I am doomed to return to it over time. I always thought I overate to feel better. I now think it's more like, I overate to not return to the bad feelings again. To keep the good, normal feelings of this present moment going. It's not an immediate reaction to emotional lows of the earlier moment.

I hope this makes sense. I am curious what others have uncovered about their overeating triggers after they stopped overeating. Especially if you've had counseling to help understand it.

[HealthyNewMe 1,935]

I, too, do NOT eat when nervous or depressed. Can actually go for days without thinking about food during stressful times. Actually lost 20 pounds during the six weeks following Hurricane Katrina. I do, however, eat when BORED...... Thus, I have to keep myself busy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Glad you enjoyed your European vacation. I'm headed off for a ten day trip to Disney and Destin with two "adult" daughters and two "teenage" sons...... Heaven help me!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sparklingbeauty53 202]

Ok I eat emotionally too but if I am happy I eat. If I am sad, I eat. If I am upset, I eat. Nothing makes me not want to eat. Except right now with my RNY. Do I worry about what will happen with the appetite comes back? Yes. But lets uncover the keys to this and then be free. I am in and willing to do the work. Ladies let's do it-but how?

[Teachamy 1,042]

I eat when I'm tired, and I always ate as a reward--for a job well-done, for a long work week, because I felt "I deserved it". It was a habit formed when I didn't take any time for myself, or draw personal boundaries between Mom-time and Me-time. And yes, I always ate during the long, dark days following the loss of a loved-one. Not immediately while the pain was searing, but for years after, as the emotional scars formed and the pounds were added. Stuffing myself meant pushing those emotions down into the back of my mind.

I didn't come to these conclusions through therapy, but every day little memories of those parts of me occur as I do housework, or am at work sitting at my computer.

[betty_s 476]

Getting into a fight with my SO (or prev break-ups) is the only thing that STOPS my appetite.. everything else makes me want to eat more. its so weird how our minds decide when they want to eat.

[enjoythetime 1,457]

I'm much like you and healthynewme I CAN'T eat when I'm upset I lose all interest in food and if I try to eat I often find myself sick. I find I eat when I'm happy or bored? So again like healthynewme I HAVE to constantly stay busy which for me really isn't a problem I have two kiddos and a husband and I'm also very social so I find I often over-extend myself alot in an effort just to keep busy:-) My happiness and joy comes from doing things for others, there's always a reason to Celebrate. I'm usually organizing events which of course includes food and fun and this is when I feel like I eat more , I get caught up in the moment and the fun of it all and that's when I start grazing and picking at everything. So this is the happy feeling (or maybe it's stress because I took on too much and then when everything turns out fine I relax???. I'm not sure which it is:-) Yes, I feel you and think it's super important to figure these emotions out so that we can control them. Great post.

[BeagleLover 1,020]

I've had similar issues for sure! I haven't been sleeved yet, but from my research, I realized that, unless I figured this out, I would not be successful long term... that's what we're after, isn't it?

Two books have helped me a lot:

"Emotional First + Aid: A Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery" by Cynthia Alexander

"From the First Bite" and other books by Kay Sheppard

Best wishes on your journey!

Edited May 29, 2014 by BeagleLover

[KateB 63]

Definitely emotions play a part for me. When something traumatic happens, have a bad day, I totally start eating. Boredom can do it too. I feel comforted. I just recall the memories growing up around good times involved food, baking, etc. Definitely a comforting feeling associated, takes the bad feelings away.

I specifically remember about 20 years ago i was a bank teller and was held up at gunpoint. I had to go and have a banana split. Haven't had one since. I felt like what the helll? And it did makes me feel better.

It's a tied together.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I am the opposite - sadness, stress and loneliness always made me overeat. It has only been recently that i have had this "I can't eat" problem. My doctor referred to it as "aneorexic" behavior. It is an interesting thing of noticing the switch. I am 2.5 years post op and it has been the last few months where my appetite has gone very low.

I lost an unplanned additional 10#. My weight is stabilized, but truth be told that is just because i am dating someone who I see a couple of times a week who always feeds me... and I go out with my best friend 1-2 a week and we always eat. If it weren't for that, I would probably still be losing... not because I want to but just because my appetite is poor.

[Puppypaws57 137]

You are right, we need to figure out why we emotionally eat to stop it. I can't figure it out. Every one of you is way ahead of me in figuring it out.

I looked for a psychologist in my area that specializes in this to help me figure this out but there aren't any.

Overeaters Anymous meets Sunday mornings and that is when I go to church.

[Mikee57 699]

makes perfect sense to me, just wish you didn't have to have a terrible supper to realize it. I hope you are still enjoying your trip. take care.

[Mikee57 699]

Enjoy yourself HealthyNewMe!!!

[Mikee57 699]

My problem is nothing stops me from eating but myself. I used to eat, just to eat, but now I have to really put the reins on my eating and portions, because I have no restriction what so ever not even with 4 cc in my band. It is all up to me...not doing well...but am trying really hard. I just hope that someday there will be some sort of restriction. I have finally gotten the slow down eating part taken care of with my little phone app...but so need some restriction soon.

[terrydumont46 1,954]

My name is Terry, and i am a emotional eater. Frustration is the biggest mood that will get me in the kitchen to make home made French fries with chunky bleu cheese dressing and a couple of cokes. Fighting with someone usually the spouse, ok only the spouse i'm not a big fighter i actually hear the voice in my head saying if he doesn't care about me than i don't either. there goes the box of Cookies, or anything else i am in the mood for. potato chips with onion dip. oh man. but after a year of being banded, I am Terry and I no longer am a emotional eater.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

what i found is true..in regards to me..i was leader at TOPS for many years and we recited a pledge at the beginning of every meeting *even though i over eat in private, the excess poundage is there for the world to see*

how true is that

food and (beer for me) was a comfort..it made m feel better

it also got me super morbid obese....i gave it total power/control over me

i learned on my pre and post op liquid diets that i would NOT starve nor would i die

and that head hunger is TRUE and most of the time i over ate because i was bored

and it was there..

i CHOSE to have a WLS to help me lose weight as i cant do it on my own

was a yo yo dieter for my entire adult life.....so when i made that decision to undergo

a major surgery.....i CHOSE to make sure i did what i could (eat/exercise when i was physically able to)

and be honest with myself......no hiding behind i am hungry BS

so to eat now is to feed my body

eating is a wonderful thing..i love it...i relish it....i cant wait to eat

but the food i eat now is to nourish my body .....gone are the instant food gasms and my

dieting woe is me drama....i eat and i dont dwell on it.. make smart choices..there are zillions

of options....not all good.....we choose....and i choose now to say, i am not letting food have

that control over me.....

its not easy...but when you cant wipe your ass (as was me in 2012)..you decide quick