Banders #6

[gowalking 10,790]

No kidding, Debbie. I'll never take breathing for granted. I love not huffing and puffing and wheezing. My knee hurts but I'm not keeling over. It's amazing.

I think we're all pretty awesome these days...

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I am beyond helpless tonight. My 19 year old daughter found out via social media that her close male friend from college with whom she studied in Spain last semester committed suicide today. She is inconsolable. They spent nearly every day together for five months and were really close friends.

I have never seen my child in so much agony. She has finally fallen asleep after hours of crying.

We are on the last night of our mini vacation. As I head back home tomorrow to face a week of divorce $#it waiting for me, I am reminded that my problems are temporary and manageable.

My heart is sick. This 20 year old boy recently broke up with his longtime girlfriend Kaylie. Or rather, she broke up with him. He didn't want the breakup but seemed (to my daughter) to be handling it pretty well. He hoped for a reconciliation but sounded level headed to my daughter two days ago when he told her he was going to "see how it went" as friends.

My daughter keeps saying, "Poor Kaylie. How is she supposed to live with this?"

There are no words.

[Bandista 7,466]

I'm so sorry for this tremendous loss of a young man just beginning his adult life and for all that his family and friends are going through right now. Be gentle with yourself; life is so fragile.

[Sharpie 3,306]

oh so sorry to hear about the young man who was lost. I pray for his family and friends. There is no reasoning to suicide. We have experienced it in our family. You never know why and cannot think of anything except how could we have helped. Time will help with the pain and life does go on . sadly it will affect your daughter and his family and friends forever.

After that kind of tragedy you know our problems seem so small in comparison.

[gowalking 10,790]

Awful...just awful. If your daughter needs to speak to a professional, make sure she goes. I can imagine she will become angry over this and not know how to process it. My sympathies to your daughter, the girlfriend and this young man's family.

[Julie norton 2,850]

JWM

I am so sorry for your family. I'm glad you are there to help hold your daughter and love on her????.

Those of us that enjoy good mental health often can't fathom how deep depression can affect others, who see no other way to end their pain.

Please know we are thinking of you and yours.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

She wants to go to St. Louis (where he lived) Friday with an unrelated friend driving her, and stay there at a hotel for the wake and funeral, coming back to Chicago Sunday. She doesn't want me or her sister to go with her. She's angry and nothing I say or do is right. "Mom, I need to process this without you. Corinne didn't know him and she's not emotional, so she offered to drive. Just let me grieve my own way. And help me book the hotel."

I'm worried, but leaning toward agreeing to this. Not that there's much I could do to stop her. She navigated Europe without me for five months. I believe her girlfriend will get her to and from St. Louis safely (a 5 hour drive) okay. She didn't know the boy so she's just offering to take her there as a friend.

It's so hard not to jump in and control her life. I can't. And I mustn't. As for counseling, I will suggest it, but I imagine that it will be met with the same anger I get when I suggest counseling due to my divorce and the horrible relationship they have with their father. "Leave us alone and stop trying to make us out to be sick."

She had to go back to work today. I'm still on vacation. The change of focus will do her good I think.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I ended up going to St. Louis with my daughter. Her somewhat flaky friend ended up having car insurance issues and their driving plans ended up very sketchy Friday afternoon. So I threw some clothes in a bag and here we are.

This will be a very difficult day for so many people, many of them college kids. The wake and service start late this afternoon.

This same week, one of my best friends left her husband of thirty years. It was not a surprise and she gave him months of warning. They sold their house. The day before the house closing, he attempted suicide. He is now in a psych ward and she is left to deal with the mess. He underwent five rounds of kidney dialysis to clean his system of the overdose of lithium, Tylenol and some other medicine he took. His 20 year old son found him in the garage. It doesn't appear that he did any permanent damage to his brain.

Suicide is surrounding us this week. I am praying daily for the people in my life. It seems that although there are more options for mental help and treatment than ever before, somehow people still don't find what they need.

So much to process. I'm glad I'm here for my daughter even if she didn't initially want me on this trip. I can't imagine being away from her right now.

I apologize for bringing this thread down. It's been a difficult week and this has been my only safe outlet. My friend's family privacy prohibits me from discussing her situation with others in my life. My daughter feels the same way about her friend. Thank God I have a therapy appointment Tuesday. My therapist will get an earful for sure.

[Julie norton 2,850]

Thank you for confiding in us. Sometimes this is the only place I can spill my guys out and I'm so thankful people understand!

So glad you are there to help your daughter. I'm a big believer that a lot of things happen for a reason. Maybe you were needed by your girl in more ways than you thought... She only has one Mom????

Positive thoughts are with you for this double difficult time.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

The wake and service were standing room only for four hours. We were in line for two hours and then the service began. Hundreds of young people. I stood next to a young man that sobbed the entire time. My daughter stood with her small group of study abroad friends. After the eulogy, the reverend asked for people to share memories. My daughter had prepared something and she talked for a minute. Afterward, the young man's girlfriend Kaylie came up to my daughter and they both cried. The young man's parents thanked my daughter for the video she made of their son with the highlights from their trip to Spain. They said they had been watching it over and over. They asked for her phone number and the mom asked my daughter if she could call her in the coming weeks.

My daughter has hundreds of photos from the Spain trip on her camera. She is planning to put together an album for his family and give it to them later.

I hate the word closure but that's the best word I can think of.

We are headed back home today.

[gowalking 10,790]

Glad things worked out and you were there. She needed her mom yesterday.

[Sharpie 3,306]

things have a way of working out . I am glad you were able to go with your daughter.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

After this heavy, heavy week I came home from my therapist appointment all cried out and exhausted. Leaned over in the bathroom and finally paid the piper for my bad habit of tucking my phone in my bra. Yep, my iPhone fell right in the toilet. There must be a five second rule for phones in toilets, or else I have a really good phone case, because it survived without incident.

So I have that going for me.

????????????5⃣????

[Sharpie 3,306]

Praying you have a better week ahead, Glad your phone survived it's baptism.

[Debbie3sons 1,936]

Ok I haven't posted in a while as you all know I do try to read everyday, however I have been busy , First I went to my PVP & had Labs done because I was getting a lot of bruises pooping up from no where , all came out good even my thyroid has mellowed out & I had something on the bottom of my right foot that started bothering me PCP had diagnosed it as plantar fasciitis but I went to a Podiatrist & found out I have a mass growing in my foot so rubbing on lidocaine , no surgery yet , but I haven't stopped walking or dancing , so I am going to hopefully post some pictures of me dancing at concerts in the park having to much fun & just got my union monthly magazine & My Son's picture was in there for getting the Scholarship award & of course it says Son of my name how cool even though WE are in a drought in California & it has been in the 100s & 90s here I still was listening, Singing & Dancing when I can & Working .