In need of some advice

[cutiecake 178]

My 13 year old daughter is very mad at me for deciding to have this surgery. I think it's maybe more of her being envious that I'm having it. (Not that she even needs it, ) but we try to work out together and eat healthy whenever we go out.We get along fairly well--As far as 13 year olds go. I wish I have never told her about this. One of the many reasons I'm doing this is for my children .i want to be active with them , and not embarrass them. I know in the long run , my daughter will be fine with this, but for now, I'm getting major attitude! She thinks I'm cheating, and taking the easy way out! Anyone have some advice for me? I want this to be a positive experience and I want to have this resolved before my surgery.

[1Day1Life4Now 882]

What 13 yr old doesn't have attitude??? My 25 yr old daughter was against it at first too but I took her to some support meetings with me and showed her the book on Weight Loss Surgery that I was reading. She soon got all on board and is now one of my biggest supporters. I'd suggest doing the same. Information and knowledge seem to change ideas, attitudes and opinions. Good luck.

[Teachamy 1,042]

That's a tough one. That is the pervasive belief among many, but as you know, this surgery is no easy way out. I think you should be totally honest with her about your health, and stress your health issues. If you show her a negative self-image that you may harbor, she will mirror that and begin to doubt herself. As most 13 year-olds, she is probably worried about the embarrassment that she may feel after the surgery if word "gets out". Plan to keep your surgery private, if that will make her feel better. And you're right, in a few years she will be fine with this, but for now you will need to guide her through your decision.

Good luck!

[Pugmadkate 61]

I think there is nothing wrong with closing down the non-helpful parts if the conversation. You can tell your daughter you've heard her opinion that you are taking the easy way out and so on. But you are the adult and you've made your decision. Tell her you're open to talking if she needs it but you're no longer open to repeated criticisms.

[McButterpants 2,846]

My 14 year old son was receptive, but worried. He didn't give me attitude, but if he did, I would wonder why. Is she scared for you? Does she understand the procedure? Does she understand the long-term health risks if you don't have have the surgery.

I remember the horrified look on my son's face when we told him what I was doing. He was worried. Then, as probably most teenagers, he wondered how it would affect his life (questions like, "Is my diet going to change?").

You might not be able to change her mind about you "cheating", just ask for her love and understanding - just like everyone else in your life, they have to understand this is your decision and no one else's. You are the only one that has to live in your body.

Best of luck to you!

[InfiniteButterfly 438]

Luckily, my kids didn't say much one way or the other. They understood that I was doing it for my health, and I didn't want to hear negatives from them. I think my daughter worried, because she was absolutely miserable the week of the surgery (but she wouldn't say anything), But she's looking forward to our walks and bike rides once I'm healed.

Maybe suggest your daughter come to the friends and family sections of the forum and explore some of the information available?

[cutiecake 178]

Thanks all for some great advice it's nice to know there are supporters on here! I think she'll be ok with this , I do believe she's nervous, but won't admit it. I'm not telling to many people at all, I would hate for her to feel embarrassed ! I have told her this is my decision, and I'm the adult . I think it maybe gives her loss of hope that she can lose weight on her own? I mean I'm talking 10 pounds she could lose ... Thanks again for the support!

[McButterpants 2,846]

We told my son that we aren't telling anyone about the surgery; I only told 5 people what I was doing. I told him it's not that I'm embarrassed, this is just something that we are not advertising. He hasn't really asked a lot of questions, but did give me the eyeball when I had a Dorito the other day...

We also went on a hike yesterday - it's a 339 foot climb uphill to the top of a butte, much like walking up steep stairs, but winding back and forth. I told him it's my goal to make it to the top without stopping. He stayed with me and cheered me on and asked how I was doing. When I said, "I think I'm going to have to stop", he said, "Mom we're almost there. You can't stop now. You can do this!" With that kind of encouragement, how could I stop?

Your daughter will come around - you'll be more active and more engaged. You'll have a better life and she'll see that.

[Time4Kindness 48]

My 23 year old daughter is a CNA and she is against me doing the sleeve surgery ! I have done my research and feel very good about my decision to do it. I know its hard when a loved one is not on board, but there are just some decisions as adults we just have to make for ourselves. I know its out of love and concern they have their views. Just know you are doing this for your overall health and continueing to live an overweight lifestyle can be bad for you too. Good luck to you, hope things start looking up for you and your daughter

[KissMeKate517 9]

I agree with explaining the risks if you DON'T do the surgery.

Also, explain that the sleeve is a tool...there is still a lot that depends on YOU. If you eat cake and drink milkshakes every day it won't work. If you eat all empty calories you will become malnourished. If anything, this gives you greater accountability.

I don't have kids but this analogy helped my friends understand: When I was a junior in HS I was struggling with math. I had always been in honors, advances, or AP classes and I was dead set against having a tutor. I thought only stupid people needed tutors. Well---my pride caused me to FAIL the entire year. So who's stupid? The person who won't admit they need help? Or the person who admits they need help and does something proactive. Seeking help isn't failing, and it isn't taking the easy way out. It's being smart. We all need help sometimes, and your health is one thing you can't afford to FAIL at.

Explain that you are going to need her to continue keeping you accountable when you eat, and her encouragement with working out will be valuable to you going forward now more than ever!

Also fun incentives for you can encourage her as well! Like...maybe a small beach getaway when you reach a certain goal!? Or a fun activity your weight may never have allowed you to do before! (Caving, maybe? Zip lining?)

[cutiecake 178]

Some great ideas ladies! Thanks! I love the little get away idea, I'm going to definetly use that - great way to explain things using the "tutor " with math, too. Makes sense.

[cherrytree15 78]

13 year olds are temperamental. You want her to be comfortable but ultimately you are the adult and your decision will stand. She s at an age where body image is everything. She is your child and maybe she feels if you had to result to this surgery, then ultimately she will face the same fate. Reinforce that you will be healthier and able to be more physically active with her. While you change your diet, you can impose the healthy changes on her as well which will be a benefit. Let her know that " your together time", will not change and you can still work out together. Be honest with her about how you feel about yourself and yourself image, don't sugar coat it and don't lie about it. If she is mature enough to have an opinion based on the statement she made, she is definitely mature enough to handle the "reality". Good luck.