Recently Lost a Best Friend Because of My Decision to Get Bariatric Surgery

[HalloweenBaby24 447]

That's a horrible thing for a "friend" to do.

I know what you're going through though, I too was a big part of the "Fat Acceptance" movement and have many friends who are as well.

As soon as I mentioned my plans for WLS due to my health and well being there went all my FA friends!, As much as it sucks and it hurts because I was real close to some people I have to let them go and understand that they were no good for me in the long run.

As far as I'm concerned now, Their loss.

I'm awesome and anyone would be lucky to have me as a friend

Fat or Not.

[1cutechubbychiq 51]

At the risk of sounding a bit brash...f**k your "friend". She sounds as if she's dealing with her own "fat acceptance" issues. You don't need those kind of people in your life. She's selfish. She created a whole blog post about YOUR surgery and made it about HER feelings. She doesn't care about you. She was never a friend. Cut that dead weight loose now. You'll feel much lighter when you do.

Awesome!

[kyleebean 209]

As painful as it is to lose a friend, it may be for the best. My belief is people come in and out of our lives as they are applicable to our lives~ we learn from one another what we are suppose to during the time the person is in our lives. That time has ended for your friend.... she has nothing left that she is willing to learn from you.

Aside from my belief, she sounds like the mayor of crazytown! I honestly think she has her own issues (I'm a therapist by trade, so I don't want to over analyze but I'm sure she has her own mental health issues).

Good for you for looking out for YOUR own best interests.

Peace to you my friend.

[sleeversue 93]

She's not a true friend. A true friend would NEVER write something like that on a public blog. She is IGNORANT about weigh loss surgery. It is NOT cosmetic. Move forward, hold your head up high and push forward to good health. You will find a real true friend on your journey.

[beeteroo 166]

Wow! Your ex friend has issues. I am sorry that you've lost a friend but she is over the top crazy. Sorry that's rude but wow! I had my sleeve surgery 4 weeks ago and I am not inflicting an eating disorder on myself. I eat what ever I want, just not as much. I do not regret my decision and I'm thankful to have supportive people around me. You need to surround yourself with those that love you unconditionally. It's not worth it trying to make others happy. I can't believe that she is content to go through life unfriending people and trying to make them feel bad. She's not worth it. I know it hurts to lose someone but perhaps she is worth losing so that you can be healthy. It is possible that as time goes by she will think differently but for now, for your sanity, I think you should stay away. Hang in there. There are hundreds of people on this site that support you.

[Nowarnp 12]

I find it interesting how she turned your surgery into something which was all about her. Her ignorance and lack of compassion and selfishness are showing in her posting. I am very sorry for you and I am sure it is quite hurtful to have someone who you trusted and considered a friend write such a vitriolic piece. Surround your self with those who love you for who you are and who value your thoughts and needs. This seems like a great forum to vent and get support!

I had surgery 2 weeks ago and there are still people who I have not told and may not tell unless it specifically comes up. There are so many misconceptions about the surgery it is exhausting explaining it over and over again!

Thinking of you and sending good wishes to you!

[LIL RED 62]

Wow, why did she put your business out there? She is just being selfish and need some serious counseling. She has ISSUES!! Good

riddance!

[unbesleevable1 420]

This person is batshit. Lose her "friendship" gratefully.

[reinventme 2]

I agree with lil red. She needs major counseling blogging about your surg the way she did is mean and manipulative.

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

One of my best friends recently found out that I'm in the process of getting bariatric surgery and is vehemently opposed to it. I have to do 6 months of medically supervised weight loss, and I'm hoping to get the surgery in October. She wrote about me on her blog AND emailed me a list of 10 reasons why I should not get the surgery. She calls it "cosmetic" surgery. She no longer wants to be friends with me, and I hate that I'm losing her friendship, but I'm doing this for my health, well-being, and quality of life, NOT to become thin. I have many health problems including obstructive sleep apnea, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, back pain, knee pain, hypothyroidism, prediabetes, fatty liver, etc that I want to get rid of. I also have a family history of stroke, heart disease, and diabetes, which I want to prevent. Those are my reasons for getting the surgery, NOT cosmetic. I know I'm much better off without her negativity, but it's still painful losing a close friend. I've been pretty depressed lately because of this loss. Here is everything she wrote: My heart is heavy today and has been since Saturday when my best friend dropped the bomb that she's getting weight loss surgery. The betrayal, hurt, and anger that I've felt since then is mind boggling. Since becoming involved with fat acceptance I've cut body negative people out of my life. I've surrounded myself with people who are positive and work hard for a wide variety of human and animal rights issues. In other words, good people. Positive people. People who make a difference in the world. So my world was rocked when my best friend, after hiding it from me for months, told me that she was getting cosmetic surgery to become thinner. My friend is the captain of her own underpants and she can get cosmetic surgery if she wants to, of course, but I'm captain of my own underpants as well and I have the right to cut out people who compromise my mental or physical well being. Having gone through a decade long eating disorder where I was constantly praised for starving myself, over exercising, and abusing diet pills, I can't watch someone I care about put themselves through a medically induced eating disorder. I look forward to the day when weight loss surgery is banned as medically unnecessary, dangerous, and bigoted. Weight loss cosmetic surgery represents the extremes that our society will go to to eradicate fat people. For all of the horror that a person feels when they see a very thin person with an ED, it doesn't seem to hold true for fat people with ED's. While I have a lot of personal experience with that, this experience seems to hit closer to home Perhaps because my friend was involved in the fat acceptance community. I thought better of her. Not brainwashed by society's standards. Internalized fatphobia is a horrible thing. The bottom line is that we applaud fat people for doing dangerous, irresponsible, unethical, things that put our lives on the line in the name of thinness. But how would the world react if the opposite were true? If thin people literally risked their lives to become fat because they thought it looked prettier? I have a feeling I know the answer. So, I suppose I've finally experienced a personal casualty in the War On Fat. During my own struggles I came close to losing my life, but this somehow feels so much worse. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ten reasons why you're perfect the way you are and you don't need cosmetic surgery. 1. you're beautiful the way you are: cosmetic surgery can change how you look,but it doesn't change who you are. 2. cosmetic surgery won't fix your self esteem: too many people have thought that it would, but losing weight and looking different won't automatically make you feel better about yourself. you need to do that from the inside and you can do that at any weight. 3. you can be healthy at any size- you have to change your behaviors, not your appearance. currently you don't eat well or exercise and if you lose weight but still don't change those behaviors then you're still going to have issues. Remember that studies show that health problems initially go away during weight loss but very often return because weight does not equal health. 4. this particular type of cosmetic surgery is dangerous. The sleeve is less dangerous than some other methods, but they're all dangerous. There's a laundry list of side effects that i'm sure you've seen, including death. is it really worth it just to look more socially acceptable? 5. you're making a statement: when a fat person decides that being thin is better than being fat and actively tries to change their bodies it makes a statement about all fat people and it makes a social statement. and that is that being thin is better than being fat. 6. people already love you just the way you are: this needs little explanation.. people already care about you, you have no problem finding dates or hook ups. your life isn't hindered by anything except your lack of confidence which won't be fixed by cosmetic surgery. 7. body hate poisons you: work on loving yourself instead of blaming your body 8. your body works hard for you- why abuse it? I apologized to my body a long time ago for the eating disorder I put it through, for the self injury I put it through, for the abuse I put it through. No body should be treated that way. you're willing to mutilate your lovely body and put it through a medically induced eating disorder. why do you feel it deserves that kind of hatred and abuse? 9. it's fatphobic: you know enough about fat acceptance and body politics for me not to need to go into too much detail here. It's related to number 5- you're becoming part of a society that favors thin people over fat people and giving it your seal of approval. that society is not only fatphobic but misogynistic and classist as well. You're choosing to stop fighting against that and to give into it instead. 10. You'll be losing a friend: Because I find WLS to be completely unethical and because I struggled with my own eating disorder for ten years, I can't watch someone purposefully do that to themselves. The body hate, the negativity, and the triggers are just too much for me. Maybe that's not even close to enough to keep you from doing this surgery, but at least I can say I tried. You know that body hate and intentional weight loss go against everything that I stand for. I can't just sit by and watch it happen to someone I care about. I can't do it and I won't. So, while it's your body and your choice, realize that that choice comes with consequences. I'm also allowed to make my own choices for my own mental well being. Literally every time I talked to your or hung out with you it would be heartbreaking and triggering. Friendships shouldn't be a negative experience which is why I would have to end this one.

Sharon. I wish you good luck with your new journey. It is your journey not hers. She has issues and can't accept people getting healthy. WLS is not an easy way out. I have the band, almost 2 years and my health did a 100% turn around for the better.

We are all here to help, listen and cheer you on. I still have not told most people. Other than this site and a few FB groups no one knows my beginning weight, or how much I have lost. My business.

Arlene.

[Nicolanz 1,484]

How in the hell is this a medically induced eating disorder?!?! I'm over a year and a half out and I am able to eat a normal amount of calories for the day. This surgery has made it a hell of a lot easier to not exceed that! Does your friend realize that overeating is also an eating disorder?!?!

[frankt04 80]

Someone once said to me "gastric bypass is taking the easy way out"

To that i said "didn't you tell me you where sooo thankful your father got a liver transplant (after years of drinking)"

Obesity like alcoholism is a disease. The root word of ignorance is ignore, she is ignoring your health by telling herself your having " cosmetic surgery" is a liver transplant cosmetic?

Edited May 28, 2014 by frankt04

[I will what I want 271]

I agree with everyone who has posted. She is in pain and acting out to the point of being nutty. What I'd like to point out is how strong you are to lose a "friend" and not let it derail your plans for WLS and getting healthy. 2. you reached out to a community who can support you in your journey - Way to go! That's a huge win in my book. 3. You are feeling your feelings and accepting what is so - that's great because that is how you move on in life. So really, great work!

One last thing - even if you were getting WLS only to be pretty, only to fit in with the rest of the world, only....only...only....that would be enough. It's your life and your decision. It is the right choice for you because you say so. You made your choice - now empower it! Lots of love to you - Shellie

[jamilyne 102668 1,207]

I'm not sure why people just can't be geniunely happy for each other, but they can't. I think most of us has had someone who has treated us differently after finding out that we either had wls or going to have wls.

Do what makes you happy. If your "friend" really cared about you - they'd be happy for you. Its really sad that it had to come to such a stupid reason.

[Scylla 106]

((Sharon)) I'm sorry to hear that your friend is being so unaccepting and unsupportive. It sounds like she doesn't know much about the surgery if she's calling it "cosmetic surgery." Maybe you could send her some links and attept to educate her?

I don't know if you have any co-morbities, but if you do you could tell her that the reason you are having the surgery is because of your health issues--not (only) because you want to be thinner. That's how it was for me. Sure, I'd like to be thin, but first and foremost I would like my high blood pressure and arthritis pain to decrease.

I was sleeved only about 5 weeks ago, so it is pretty new to me. I chose to tell very few people about it, as I suspected a few of my longtime friends would act similarly (mostly because they don't want to be the fattest of our group of friends, which I always was). The only people who know are my immediate family (mom, husband, kids, brother and his wife), my boss and two colleagues/friends who I trust implicitly, and three other close friends. Everyone else just thinks I had gall bladder removal surgery. I DID have that at the same time as the VSG, but no one else needs to know about the VSG part.

Edited May 27, 2014 by Scylla