a little depressed

[jdillon 355]

OK so a little background first. I've gone up and down throughout my life on my weight. The largest I've been is about 218lbs and the smallest has been about 135lbs. I love my family, but I haven't told anyone (just hubby and my daughter), especially my mom, that I am having sleeve surgery in July. Partially because she is dealing with being diagnosed with stage 2 diabetes and high blood pressure and partially because I know she'll worry and try to talk me out of this. My mom is sweet and does everything for everyone but she says things at times that hurt and i don't think she realizes it. Like I shouldn't wear heavy makeup because I have hard features, or I should really lose weight because I take after her and I might get what she has (the diabetes, etc.) Today she told me my 8 year old son tends to put weight on and I need to get him to like vegetables. I try with him. We put him in baseball soccer and basketball. I give him 1% milk and limit going out to dinner anywhere and started to bake chicken and avoid his favorite fried chicken. It's a work in progress. Anyways you get the picture. I just cannot wait to have this surgery and begin the weight loss and not be the focus of her attention to my weight problem. It hurts too much. My oldest sister was the one with a weight problem growing up. She solved it by throwing up all of her food. Which she still does. She eats and then excuses herself and claims the food is stuck in her throat and she sticks her finger down her throat and that is how she stays thinner. She thinks we don't know. When she loses weight, her bones show on her chest and collar even though she still shows heavier from the waist down. My mom will be like going on and on about how thin she looks . Then she says i look healthy. She may as well call me fat. It's a kind of inside joke that we all want mom to say she's thinking we look too thin and if she says we look healthy, it's time to diet. I so wish it was July already. These 6 months have allowed me to research and prepare and complete my requirements, but it has been so hard to wait. Now it feels like it's going to happen even though I still have until July. I want to feel good. I want to look good. I want to be healthy. I will end up telling my mom and other family members but not until about 6 months post op. Mom freaked out last month when I had my gallbladder out. She really will freak when she discovers that a huge part of my stomach has been removed. But by then she'll see that it's all good and I'm better because of it and I will have spared her all the worry of the surgery and the recuperating after. Ultimately my goal is for health issues, but yes, I want to look good and I want to not be the FAT relative in the room.

Edited May 25, 2014 by jdillon

[dsmith_rn 186]

OK so a little background first. I've gone up and down throughout my life on my weight. The largest I've been is about 218lbs and the smallest has been about 135lbs. I love my family, but I haven't told anyone (just hubby and my daughter), especially my mom, that I am having sleeve surgery in July. Partially because she is dealing with being diagnosed with stage 2 diabetes and high blood pressure and partially because I know she'll worry and try to talk me out of this. My mom is sweet and does everything for everyone but she says things at times that hurt and i don't think she realizes it. Like I shouldn't wear heavy makeup because I have hard features, or I should really lose weight because I take after her and I might get what she has (the diabetes, etc.) Today she told me my 8 year old son tends to put weight on and I need to get him to like vegetables. I try with him. We put him in baseball soccer and basketball. I give him 1% milk and limit going out to dinner anywhere and started to bake chicken and avoid his favorite fried chicken. It's a work in progress. Anyways you get the picture. I just cannot wait to have this surgery and begin the weight loss and not be the focus of her attention to my weight problem. It hurts too much. My oldest sister was the one with a weight problem growing up. She solved it by throwing up all of her food. Which she still does. She eats and then excuses herself and claims the food is stuck in her throat and she sticks her finger down her throat and that is how she stays thinner. She thinks we don't know. When she loses weight, her bones show on her chest and collar even though she still shows heavier from the waist down. My mom will be like going on and on about how thin she looks . Then she says i look healthy. She may has well call me fat. It's a kind of inside joke that we all want mom to say she's thinking we look too thin and if she says we look healthy, it's time to diet. I so wish it was July already. These 6 months have allowed me to research and prepare and complete my requirements, but it has been so hard to wait. Now it feels like it's going to happen even though I still have until July. I want to feel good. I want to look good. I want to be healthy. I will end up telling my mom and other family members but not until about 6 months post op. Mom freaked out last month when I had my gallbladder out. She really will freak when she discovers that a huge part of my stomach has been removed. But by then she'll see that it's all good and I'm better because of it and I will have spared her all the worry of the surgery and the recuperating after. Ultimately my goal is for health issues, but yes, I want to look good and I want to not be the FAT relative in the room.

You are not alone, my friend. Many have us have had similar experiences to yours.

For what it's worth, I agree with your decision not to tell your mom yet, given your circumstances. I did tell a few very close relatives and friends, but most everyone else, including most of my family and co-workers do not know. Some have already noticed my weight loss and ask about it, and I tell them the truth: I eat really differently now, and I hired a personal trainer at the gym. Some have asked about my medical leave, and I tell them I had stomach surgery for a long-standing health problem. Obesity is a long-standing health problem!

Anyway, I'm a little jealous of you. There are days (OK, every day at some point) that I wish I could go back to my pre-op status for a day or two. This surgery plays with your mind, so if your surgeon doesn't have his/her own psychologist who works with them I would strongly suggest you find one who is very experienced with the issues you will face as a WLS post-op. I never needed a therapist before, but I have found the one at my surgeon's office to be extremely helpful as I struggle with the limitations this surgery imposes on you. I thought it would be a piece of cake. It is NOT.

Some uninformed people think WLS is "the easy way out." They couldn't be more wrong. This is HARD. Very hard.

The easy way would be if they could invent a surgery that cures head hunger, and lets you eat whatever you want, as much as you want, and still lose weight/maintain your weight loss. Bonus points if no exercise is required. But no such surgery exists, and our journeys will never end.

Enjoy this life while you can. Enjoy eating like a normal person because after your surgery you will never be able to eat as much as your brain wants to eat again. The results will be worth it, but you will mourn what is now "normal." We only live once. Make it count.

[jdillon 355]

You are not alone, my friend. Many have us have had similar experiences to yours.

For what it's worth, I agree with your decision not to tell your mom yet, given your circumstances. I did tell a few very close relatives and friends, but most everyone else, including most of my family and co-workers do not know. Some have already noticed my weight loss and ask about it, and I tell them the truth: I eat really differently now, and I hired a personal trainer at the gym. Some have asked about my medical leave, and I tell them I had stomach surgery for a long-standing health problem. Obesity is a long-standing health problem!

Anyway, I'm a little jealous of you. There are days (OK, every day at some point) that I wish I could go back to my pre-op status for a day or two. This surgery plays with your mind, so if your surgeon doesn't have his/her own psychologist who works with them I would strongly suggest you find one who is very experienced with the issues you will face as a WLS post-op. I never needed a therapist before, but I have found the one at my surgeon's office to be extremely helpful as I struggle with the limitations this surgery imposes on you. I thought it would be a piece of cake. It is NOT.

Some uninformed people think WLS is "the easy way out." They couldn't be more wrong. This is HARD. Very hard.

The easy way would be if they could invent a surgery that cures head hunger, and lets you eat whatever you want, as much as you want, and still lose weight/maintain your weight loss. Bonus points if no exercise is required. But no such surgery exists, and our journeys will never end.

Enjoy this life while you can. Enjoy eating like a normal person because after your surgery you will never be able to eat as much as your brain wants to eat again. The results will be worth it, but you will mourn what is now "normal." We only live once. Make it count.

I have a friend at work who is now 3 months post op along with her husband. She is my go to for everything. Between her and all of you on here I am hoping that is enough support to help me when I am post op and needing a shoulder. I will research what type of therapy is available post op if needed. What limitations were the toughest for you to deal with? It is scary to think of how much different it will be and that this is not reversible but I so want it. I need this. Thank you for your support.

[dsmith_rn 186]

You are not alone, my friend. Many have us have had similar experiences to yours.

For what it's worth, I agree with your decision not to tell your mom yet, given your circumstances. I did tell a few very close relatives and friends, but most everyone else, including most of my family and co-workers do not know. Some have already noticed my weight loss and ask about it, and I tell them the truth: I eat really differently now, and I hired a personal trainer at the gym. Some have asked about my medical leave, and I tell them I had stomach surgery for a long-standing health problem. Obesity is a long-standing health problem!

Anyway, I'm a little jealous of you. There are days (OK, every day at some point) that I wish I could go back to my pre-op status for a day or two. This surgery plays with your mind, so if your surgeon doesn't have his/her own psychologist who works with them I would strongly suggest you find one who is very experienced with the issues you will face as a WLS post-op. I never needed a therapist before, but I have found the one at my surgeon's office to be extremely helpful as I struggle with the limitations this surgery imposes on you. I thought it would be a piece of cake. It is NOT.

Some uninformed people think WLS is "the easy way out." They couldn't be more wrong. This is HARD. Very hard.

The easy way would be if they could invent a surgery that cures head hunger, and lets you eat whatever you want, as much as you want, and still lose weight/maintain your weight loss. Bonus points if no exercise is required. But no such surgery exists, and our journeys will never end.

Enjoy this life while you can. Enjoy eating like a normal person because after your surgery you will never be able to eat as much as your brain wants to eat again. The results will be worth it, but you will mourn what is now "normal." We only live once. Make it count.

I have a friend at work who is now 3 months post op along with her husband. She is my go to for everything. Between her and all of you on here I am hoping that is enough support to help me when I am post op and needing a shoulder. I will research what type of therapy is available post op if needed. What limitations were the toughest for you to deal with? It is scary to think of how much different it will be and that this is not reversible but I so want it. I need this. Thank you for your support.

The hardest part for me is that I feel I can't eat.

I knew about this before surgery, but I didn't think it would be so HARD. Yes, I do actually eat. But I eat very small amounts and I can't eat many of the foods I want to eat.

At this point in my journey my sleeve can only hold 1/3 C. or less, depending on the density of the food. Get out your measuring cups and pour 1/3 cup of Water in a bowl to get an idea just how small that is. I had to measure all my food for the first few weeks (and sometimes still do) because if I took a bite or two more than that 1/3 cup, I would be miserable for several hours afterwards. My stomach is finished eating WAY before my brain wants to stop. And what I did to my body is irreversible, meaning I will never again be able to eat whatever I want, as much as I want of anything, no matter how good it tastes. Ever. That realization will hit you at some point, and you will have to deal with it.

Today I was at a kid's birthday party. I was able to eat a tiny bit of potato salad (the only choice I had--there was nothing else there I could eat). I eat mostly Protein, and wish I had taken a Protein Bar with me but it would have raised a lot of questions I don't care to answer. I watched everyone else eat hot dogs, mexican rice, nachos, birthday cake.......and tried not to look miserable. Those few bites of potato salad have filled me up for 5 hours, so I haven't been able to eat anything good for me--or anything at all, since getting home.

It's that kind of stuff that is hard for me now. Keep in mind I am only a month out from surgery and all of these things are very likely to get better. I'm in a phase of struggle right now, and I know I need to keep my eyes on the prize and try not to think about what I'm "missing." In the end it will be worth it, but in the beginning when I still feel fat it's easy to forget that there's a very good reason I did this! You will go through all sorts of emotions after surgery; from the highest highs to the lowest lows. Knowing it's all normal should help, at least a little.

Hang in there, you're almost there. There are tons of people here to help, people with a lot more experience and perspective than me. You will make it, and it will be worth it!

[jdillon 355]

The hardest part for me is that I feel I can't eat.

I knew about this before surgery, but I didn't think it would be so HARD. Yes, I do actually eat. But I eat very small amounts and I can't eat many of the foods I want to eat.

At this point in my journey my sleeve can only hold 1/3 C. or less, depending on the density of the food. Get out your measuring cups and pour 1/3 cup of Water in a bowl to get an idea just how small that is. I had to measure all my food for the first few weeks (and sometimes still do) because if I took a bite or two more than that 1/3 cup, I would be miserable for several hours afterwards. My stomach is finished eating WAY before my brain wants to stop. And what I did to my body is irreversible, meaning I will never again be able to eat whatever I want, as much as I want of anything, no matter how good it tastes. Ever. That realization will hit you at some point, and you will have to deal with it.

Today I was at a kid's birthday party. I was able to eat a tiny bit of potato salad (the only choice I had--there was nothing else there I could eat). I eat mostly Protein, and wish I had taken a Protein Bar with me but it would have raised a lot of questions I don't care to answer. I watched everyone else eat hot dogs, mexican rice, nachos, birthday cake.......and tried not to look miserable. Those few bites of potato salad have filled me up for 5 hours, so I haven't been able to eat anything good for me--or anything at all, since getting home.

It's that kind of stuff that is hard for me now. Keep in mind I am only a month out from surgery and all of these things are very likely to get better. I'm in a phase of struggle right now, and I know I need to keep my eyes on the prize and try not to think about what I'm "missing." In the end it will be worth it, but in the beginning when I still feel fat it's easy to forget that there's a very good reason I did this! You will go through all sorts of emotions after surgery; from the highest highs to the lowest lows. Knowing it's all normal should help, at least a little.

Hang in there, you're almost there. There are tons of people here to help, people with a lot more experience and perspective than me. You will make it, and it will be worth it!

My friend at work is 3 months out and she is doing a lot better with the mentality and emotions that come along with this life changing decision. I think it's because the results are showing and it's all paying off. It helps to reaffirm why she did this, why we all do this. It's hard and a long rough road, but you will succeed and a year from now you'll be on here with your surgiversary beautiful transformation photos and people will be like. " I cannot wait to be successful like you" " you look so awesome! " I will be following your journey and cheering you on!

[Griffan 25]

I feel your pain, I am a little over 2 months out and the first month was a struggle for me also. I regretted what I did to my body also and had a hard time. However, what was done was done and I just had to move forward. I started trying on old clothes that I had not fit into for years and started feeling happy with my loss. I also hated going out with friends and only be able to take a few bites so I just ordered Soup and coffee...that felt good because I could have a normal meal. Everyones journey is different, I love my weight loss now, still once in a while wish I did not go this route but know I had to and am happy to be thinner and healthier. If I did not do this, I would still be at the same weight 60lbs ago and feeling miserable about it. So, try to look forward. Good luck and hope it gets better for you.

[Cupcake 801]

I would like to say congrats on your choice to be healthy you deserve to be healthy take day at a time, stay focus I'm 6 days post opt and feeling good, I don't regret my choice the only regret I wish I had done it early I am loving my new self and so will you good luck.

[lylabelle 257]

HI, I'm where you are with your mom. I told her about my upcoming surgery and she flipped out. She doesn't like surgery, ANY kind of surgery, it freaks her out and scares her. My mom isn't one who worries a little, she will think about it non stop and not sleep. This is a decision I thought about, researched and know without a doubt it is right for me. So as a single mom, in order for it to happen, I had to cancel a work trip that she was already watching my kiddo for. I've been waiting for this weekend for months, but I'm excited! There are friends who are overweight that I've told and they are all really excited to see how this goes, none of them had heard of it before. I have a feeling I'll have VSG friends in the future.

As for my mom knowing, I know I'll tell her. I want to get healed up and everything first. I've been doing low carb as a pre-op and she knows I'm doing low carb, so chances are she will think for awhile that I'm simply losing because of the low carb. I have a few other work trips in June, so as long as I can avoid restaurants with her, it should be easy to avoid the issue. Eventually when we go to a restaurant, and I don't order a diet pepsi (ohh I'm gonna miss it) and eat just a few bites, that's when I'll tell her. And hopefully by then I'll be 50lbs down and she will love the results and that I am healthy and made it through surgery perfectly fine. Sure its a little scary, and yea its a bummer that I don't have anyone going with me down for the surgery. But in the end it will be so worth it.

I know many have problems with head hunger at the beginning for sure. I think by 6 months out everyone is adjusted to a "new normal" and it isn't really an issue anymore. On top of that, I have yet to see anyone 6 months or more out who said they regretted it - they all say they just regret not getting it sooner! Trust me, had I known and researched this 3-4 years ago, I'd already have had it done.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

you should consider counseling, it sounds like there are a lot of issues regarding food/weight in your family. surgery isnt going to change any of that. you will need to actively address them.

[Pugmadkate 61]

I'm going back into counseling to prep for my surgery and to get a little extra support both pre and post-op. Are you seeing a therapist? The time to start to deal with your family dynamics is now. You deserve the support and you'll do better after your surgery as well.

Best of luck to you.

[jdillon 355]

you should consider counseling, it sounds like there are a lot of issues regarding food/weight in your family. surgery isnt going to change any of that. you will need to actively address them.

Therapy is not going to change anything. I accept my family for who they are and I love them. Dealing with new emotions and changes due to surgery might be something I look into therapy for however. Everyone's family has issues of some sort. I've come to terms with it. I am doing this for me not them. It's all good:)

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

Therapy is not going to change anything. I accept my family for who they are and I love them. Dealing with new emotions and changes due to surgery might be something I look into therapy for however. Everyone's family has issues of some sort. I've come to terms with it. I am doing this for me not them. It's all good:)

actually therapy can change the very most important thing that you need to deal with... your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and choices. seriously, it sounds like there is way more than a "few" issues.. but that doesnt matter.. whats important is you took the time to post here about both your mom and your sister. that means it affects you in some way. that is exactly the kind of stuff people get the most help in therapy for. and obviously it would be for you. everyone is part of a family, no matter what.. and counseling can help anyone cope better with how they are affected by their family.