Body image and distorted views

[Roo101769 742]

Hi all. I thought I would post about my issue with body image as a way to vent it. Maybe I hope to get some nugget of wisdom that will help me learn to adjust to my ever changing body and all that entails.

Let me start by saying that I have had issue through this process with mentally dealing. Had some depression that I feel I am over now. But one lingering issue is body image. I have lost 90lbs thus far and feel great. ( about it) But my body is sad to look at. I knew going in that plastics were never going to be an option for me. I thought I would be so happy with my weight loss and feeling good that it would not matter, I could deal with extra skin. Yet as I get further in my weight loss the extra skin and flab is causing me more and more stress. I am not at the jump off a bridge, the world is ending kind of upset over it. Just slightly sad and nostalgic for yester year, when I could carry 226 lbs on my body and not sag like a shar pei. I haven't weighed 226 lbs since I was in my mid twenties, which I am now a far cry from. It is crazy to expect my body to look like it did in my mid twenties now in my mid forties, not to mention the 20 years of extreme obesity that I carried in between. As I inch closer and closer to my goal weight I am becoming more alarmed at just how bad my body is turning out. I think I did still secretly hope it wouldn't be as bad as others have shown. Maybe I would be that one in a million person who would "bounce back" and have little to no issues with bat wings and jiggle gut. Nope, not meant to be. It is possible that, when I am a bit further down in weight, these issues won't hold as much importance to me as they do now. I am in the Twilight Zone of WLS. I am still obese, yet I have lost a lot of weight already! It is hard to have a positive self image and feel confident when you know others still see fat. And now, it is fat with extra bounce!!! Ugh. I am trying to work on my mini goal of losing 100lbs, which is just 10 lbs away. But aside from a full body Spanx, I am not sure how I am going to learn to accept my body looking like a deflated blimp. It isn't pretty. And Lord don't get me started on the idea of being intimate with anyone!!! Yikes!!! ( I am a single gal, so this topic is actually another issue for me) Calgon take me away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Our stats are similar. I did have plastics and it made a big difference but I looked and felt great even with the excess skin! What do you think it would take for you to feel that way?

[Roo101769 742]

CowgirlJane I am not sure... I think plastics would help immensely, but they are not covered by insurance. ( and not a financial option for me) Besides, with my blood clotting issues it sort of scares me anyway. I guess all I can do is keep plugging away and hope I get to a space where I feel more comfortable. As I said, it could just be where I am at right now, still obese yet sagging from losing a lot. Perhaps when I am not obese anymore ( clinical definition) and closer to an ideal weight, I won't have quite as much issue. That is my hope at least.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Well, the point I am trying to make is that even plastics does not "fix" self image issues. I noticed this when I was researching plastics and talking to different people about their results. People who basically hated their looks still found fault even after significant improvement from plastics because you are still not perfect AND you have scars! For example, I still have extra skin on my torso under my arms - side boobs! At first I was a little appalled, like it was so noticable after the rest of me was improved. What I have realized now is to just be a little careful about what kind of top I wear and I look great. I spent enough time at the gym and even the beach to know I look dang good for 49 - so get over it (talking to myself).... never gonna be perfect.

So, I am suggesting you are on the right path to just forget about plastics and continue to work on your own thoughts about yourself. I think negative self image, doubts about excess skin etc can keep us from attaining the weight loss goals which should be first priority.

I can absolutely guarantee you that you will look and feel better at a healthier weight even with "saggy" skin then you looked and felt with all that extra skin stuffed with fat. The key is getting your own mind to see that you do indeed look better.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

This is so personal but I am going to share anyway...

I have had a drain in my side for a few weeks and the darn thing is right at my bra line. So if I have to get dressed I need help to get one on because if I do it myself I twist it around my body and look out..not interested in that much pain. So I called my daughter into the room and asked her to hook me up in the back on the last hooks so it would not be tight to my skin. Well I diligently packed the girls in the bra and she set out to fashion the clips. When i was done she said there you go all set...

Pause.....Mom you have not put the girls in there yet....They are still out and on the loose she said. I was sure they were hidden away..But no they were peaking out of the protective armor I had put on...I should have been horrified like I always am..But the two of us laughed ourselves silly at the thoughts that were running through our heads.....

Body image is just that. Even if we were older without weight as an issue we would be sagging somewhere... You know the expression ( gravity works ) well it is true in all cases of the human body...I am not even thinking about plastics for my girls because I can roll them up and tuck them away hopefully. We are who we are.

Remember when you were twenty and you wished you were smaller, had a rounder or slimmer look to you or a smaller nose...We will always have that surrounding us because that is life the new way society depicts us....I loved this little story, which I will share...

A very popular make up artist who has done thousands of famous peoples makeup said that every woman who sits in her chair speaks negatively about her face, hair and looks. They apologize to her before she even takes up her brushes and begins to work with them. She said there is only 2 types of people who do not beat themselves up when they sit in her chair. That is a over worked mother who has no time to look at herself and spend time degrading herself or a client who is maybe a 90 year old woman who comes in and says I got a gift for a makeover I am so excited...

She said is this what it takes to make you happy? She said she never makes them into something they are not but brings out the beauty that they already possess. You already have wonderful beauty it just has to be found and looked at in a different way then we are taught to see ourselves.....

Remember what your mamma always said.. (Beauty is skin deep) But a great person who gives in life and focuses on what they can do to make things better lasts forever.......

I am not saying that I won't get surgery eventually. But I will do what I can and see myself as someone who can try to change the way people view WLS..Ring some bells and make some cracks in the walls of abuse....Me I can wear spandex until something else comes along......

Jane

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

@@Roo101769 Some good things to look forward to are the longer you are at goal the more time passes and your skin is able to retract to a more normal size. Likely your skin will never be as tight or supple as we were when we were young but it does catch up to an extent. Also, drinking plenty of Water and toning helps a LOT!! Make no mistake it really does. As you get smaller start taking baby steps to get toning in and you will see it will start to tighten up the skin and fill it out with a more desirable shape.

All the best and you aren't alone in your feelings! That's for sure.

[Roo101769 742]

I guess what I find as weird or hard to accept is the distorted view I have of it all. When I was around 280 lbs I thought my body looked ok. Was I fat? Yes!! But I felt I carried it ok and had less issues with image. Now that I am over 50lbs lighter than that I am starting to pick out all the flaws. Maybe it has something to do with being closer to normal that has me nitpicking the small things instead of looking at the overall picture. I still see fat, period. I cannot be alone with myself and think "Wow, I am really changing". Right now I have to stare at myself in the mirror (or take a selfie) to really appreciate how far I really have come. I think all that time trying to get my head to accept my new self has also given me time to take note of what I DON'T like! I never spent a lot of time looking at myself at 316lbs, in fact I avoided it at all cost. So perhaps I am concentrating too hard at looking now. Again, it is a weird "me" thing. I am happy I have lost, truly. I just need to take the time now to learn to love me. It has been a long time since I did that. I see the flaws because it is hard to accept I am really ok overall.. I will get there, it will just take some work like everything else. I am just now realizing the changes I thought I was prepared for. In the mean time I just keep it covered with cute, flattering and MUCH SMALLER clothes and be happy where I am. Fake it until I make it!!!!

[Bmjohnson 84]

ok so here is my thoughts on the subject.........When I look in the mirror and have one of those yuck thoughts I ask myself "would you say those terrible things to someone else?" The answer is of course not! so why do i say them to me.......My self image has always been horrible even when I was smaller but over time I have learned that if im not uplifting to myself then it doesnt matter what everyone else says to lift me because it wont help. Love yourself and be proud of the hard work you have done. You are doing amazing and are truly inspiring.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

@@Bmjohnson Well said.