Newbie here...:) a formal intro!

[1973Angel 34]

Hello all!! I have been a member of this site since April of 2012, when I got banded. I just popped in here this weekend for support but felt the need to really introduce myself Some of this is a repeat so please bare with me as I'm now on a computer and not a phone (I was on the road for 3 days) Prior to being banded, I spent about 2 years debating on the procedure with one year doing counseling and dieting while getting prepared - I lost 20 pounds in the time prior to the actual surgery. My surgery went good, and only few people knew I got it done. My Mom & Sister were my big supporters and my Dad still has no idea what I did. (He believes that God gave us our body and we should NOT tinker with things like this or you are considered "weak")

I am stubborn by nature, a bit hard headed too But I got the surgery done and followed my plan for about 2 months. I lost 40 pounds and since then, have gained a lot of self confidence - but still have more work to do. I will admit, that I botched my surgery even after building up so much "power" to BELIEVE I would not fall off my plan. Well, I was laid off of work right after my surgery, like a day later. I'm a single parent and have also battled sever depression all of my life...only having it get worse after my surgery.

I have maintained my weight loss, continue to exercise and watch what I eat. I come here to be more of a lesson to others. FOLLOW THE PLAN!!! For the most part, I have beat myself up endlessly. I blame no one but myself for NOT sticking to my plan - NOBODY. I will also admit that I have been embarrassed about it but, I am working through that. I did not go to support classes because I was so focused on finding WORK, plus I didn't want to go back to the hospital that just laid me off . So basically, I got my band....and proceeded to move on in life as best I could. I was facing foreclosure on my house...trying to keep my son stress free...and keep myself on an even level while being without a job.

Last year, I received TMI therapy...basically got my brain "shocked" to help cure my depression and by the Grace of God...it has helped me tremendously!! I no longer consider myself a depressed person (yay!!!) so now I am really back to focusing on my physical health.

In the past 2 years, I went from starting out strong to falling off the wagon quickly. I ate and drank the same things I always had, thinking "If I puke like they say I will, then I'll never do it again!!" Well...everything went down fine, with no issues. I have visited my surgeon one time since the surgery to get one fill done. My surgeon is not too fond of me because I was not able to pay my bill and it went into collections. Being wildly embarrassed by that alone, I just didn't even think too much about the band because it's hard to face someone who isn't fond of you, who you couldn't pay (although I have made monthly payments consistently since I did find work 6 months after my surgery.)

I have continued to go to my regular doctor who has been a great help. My blood levels are great, and I am no longer diabetic! WOO HOO!! I also no longer have high blood pressure. But about 9 months or so ago, I began to have problems. I would eat and then the bites I would take, felt like they were getting "stuck" but at the time, I attributed it to heart burn and told myself to chill out on the crap food. A few months went by and I was fine - kind of off and on again. I went to my regular doctor to monitor me and she thought perhaps it injured my esophagus (she knows I got banded). I then found a HUGE lump in my stomach and got a scan of that and was told it was just a fatty "mass" but not life threatening. Then this past 2 months or so, things got worse. Now, if I do not chew my food and swallow too soon...it feels like I'm swallowing a golf ball! The pain stops me in my tracks and I just pray that it goes down and I could literally feel it pass through when it did. However, over the weekend (and this began last week) I actually started to vomit. Over the weekend, I realized that instead of sitting at the table wishing food would go down (with a look of "oh crap" on my face and people wondering what is wrong...), I have learned that I can just go to the bathroom, lean over and heave and poof, up comes the bite that was not going down. Yeah...that's not good.

I decided a couple of weeks ago that perhaps the band is now working as it should...? And I know it sounds so stupid but, I figured the band is now ticked off and showing me a lesson. So back to soft foods I went OR chewing the bejesus out of food until it's MUSH and taking teeny bites, and it will go down. I won't lie, a part of me also felt that if anything, I would lose more weight this way. But now, since I am vomiting at times, I came here for support because again, I have not been in contact with my surgeon - or ANYONE who has been banded!! I wanted to get others' idea on things and everyone has been GREAT (except for one person) but the advice I got was enough to get my behind on the phone and stop being embarrassed and ask for help! I will go in this Wednesday the 21st to do a swallow test to see what is going on, and they will refer me to a new surgeon.

Many may ask why I waited so long to address this, well again, I know I am the one to blame for this, and it is quite embarrassing and I'm not one to want to get beat up over it because I can do that all by myself!! I got a new job and didn't want to take time off for doctor visits (and NO, I'm not making excuses...it just is what it is...) I was embarrassed that I fell off the wagon...embarrassed that I am not now "skinny" as I thought I would be (but still quite proud of what I've lost and kept off!) Through this ordeal, a best friend of mine committed suicide, another very close friend passed away from breast cancer, and I myself, am having to worry about a breast concern too (so is my Mom and we are both getting scans again in a couple of weeks), plus my Mom has been very very very ill but is now getting better. All of that in addition to other things not listed, really just took my mind off my band...until now when it has reached a level of being scared.

Thank you all for accepting me into this community!! If I can say ONE thing to those who are getting banded or have just gotten banded...please please PLEASE, stay on the plan that your surgeon gives you!! It really is not worth feeling like I feel (when I'm eating)!!! My family is a group of eaters. We Celebrate EVERYTHING with food. But you have to have a STRONG support system, and this is something I have now learned. So get the support, and be well all!!! *Smoochies*!!

[gowalking 10,790]

thank you for sharing your story.