Nobody recognizes me. Starting to get old...

[gowalking 10,790]

So, I went for a follow up at my orthopedic surgeon this morning. The nurse calls me in and is pleasant but not that friendly which surprises me as she is usually very warm and fuzzy. Then she pulls up my chart, looks at my picture, and realizes who I am. Only then does she become herself again. She didn't even know who I was till she saw my chart. Then the surgeon walked in and he's a very direct person so all he did was look at me and say that I got skinny. No fuss, no muss. I guess I do look skinny compared to what I used to look like.

This is happening alot lately...an awful lot. So much so that I wonder just how freaking fat was I? Obviously very fat since no one seems to recognize me. It happens all the time at work. It happened again when I got on the elevator yesterday. A woman I've known for more than three years got in a couple of floors down from me and I said hello and she said hello and we started to chat when I realized she had no idea who I was. It happened the day before when I was at a training with a colleague and again...I saw her on the elevator and she told me until I started talking, she didn't know who I was.

It's great that folks are telling me how wonderful I look but there is something very off putting when no one knows who you are. I don't recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror and obviously no one else does either. I realize it's not just the weight loss. I'm off the cane, I'm out of glasses, I have a new hair style, and I'm wearing makeup. I guess I am a new person. But it's really gotten me wondering just who I am. Have I changed on the inside as the outside has changed? If so, is it a good change or not? I don't have the answer...it's why I'm in therapy. I need to get to know this new me. I don't know...maybe I just need this part of it to be done with and have the person I am now be the one everyone gets used to and no longer compares against the old version of me.

OK...sorry for the long and rambling post but I can't be the only one who is going through this. Anyone else out there going through the same experiences?

[enjoythetime 1,457]

Gowalking, I completely understand what you're saying. I work in a small office of about 40 people so I don't get the I don't recognize you on a regular basis, but when I run into someone I haven't seen in a long time, I almost hesitate to say HI because they always look at me strangely for a while and then are like OMgosh I didn't recognize you, you look great, you've lost alot of weight.

I get compliments from the girls at work telling me how different I am now that I've lost all this weight, that I'm happier and more full of life and energy. They've been a huge support for me through all of this and I appreciate they can see the difference not only on the outside but on the inside. Today one of my good friends I work with said wow you're so skinny you need to go eat something:-) They always comment saying I have something new to wear everyday now (instead of the same 5 outfits I had when I was large).

I actually love it. I've always been a very outspoken, bubbly person but when I was big I lost some of my sparkle and when something didn't go according to plan well it was a little harder for me to get back up because I was so miserable with myself I had a hard time grabbing the positive in every situation.

To answer the core of your question, I think we're the same people we've always been, just an enhanced version:-) I still have the same values, morals, ethics and beliefs I've always had that make me me, but I think people can just see it more now because they look at us differently. Have we changed a little through this whole process, I sure hope so! I hope that I'm a better me now then I've ever been, I think that's something we should all strive for everyday; to be better than we were yesterday and when you notice you've progressively gotten better than the day before and the day before that we do change along the way, but for the better. It's not because we're skinny, or normal now it's because we see things differently now, things are more clear, we have more confidence to say and do the things we always wanted to before but were hestitant in fear that we would be judged even more, we're more aware, we had to change our way of thinking about food and with that sparked other changes in thinking. I always felt like people didn't take me seriously when I was big, that they looked at me and only saw a round ball, or the best was always when you would meet someone for the first time and they would say wow, you have such a pretty face....that used to infuriate me!!!!!:-)

Embrace the person looking back at you in the mirror because she's the same amazing person she's always been, just in a smaller package:-).

Edited May 16, 2014 by enjoythetime

[Jim1967 3,569]

ith your weight loss you've clearly gained a lot of self confidence and you're carrying yourself differntly overall. Physcial change and a change in attitude it is not suprising some wouldn't recoginize you.

As someone who has also lost a large amount of weight I am still going through the identity crisis at times. At times I look in the mirror and all I see is the 500lb man. I also notice the behaviors of others around me. I notice even the smallest of things such as going into a coffee shop to have the person behind the counter engage me in conversation rather than just giving me my coffee without the slightest amount of eye contact.

Lets face it fat people make other people uncomfortable either because they're afraid of making you uncomfortable or they're just plain ignorant and are passing judgement. But again maybe it's not them and maybe it's me. I go in with my head held high and I make eye contact where as before I would look down and avoid eye contact.

I don't think people are purposely acting a certain way to me but yet reacting to the way I present myself. I certainly do think that this journey is not all about physical changes. There are a lot of mental adjustments that come with it.

Two questions for you...

Aside from being unrecognizable at times are you happy?

Are you healthy?

OK three...

What does your Therapist think?

If you answer yes to both then I would say you're in a pretty good place.

For me I was embarrassed when I was 488lbs but now I get embarrassed to tell someone how much weight I actually lost. I actually lied to my Barber a while back. He had asked me how much I had lost and I told him 120ish when in fact it was 250! I have grown tired of the weight loss questions.

As for off the cuff remarks I have heard them all with my favorite being "Oh you're face is soooo skinny"

[SillyAuntDi 1,610]

I have to admit I'm a little tired of the "I didn't recognize you" stuff. It happened just today with a co-worker that I've known for 7 years. She sees me at least once a week. She said today "I had to do a double-take. I don't know you anymore." I know it's a compliment. But, dang! I am more patient with people who don't see me on a regular basis. But, those that see me often...well...I have started laughing and saying they need to get their eyes checked. I had one co-worker tell me this week "I guess your weight-loss is becoming old news for me now. I just notice it, but it's not a shock anymore. You do look fantastic, but I don't feel like I have to gush about it anymore." I almost hugged her in the hallway.

And, about telling how much I've lost???? I've gotten to the point I just say "A lot." It's an uncomfortable answer for me. Especially when they follow it with "how much more are you going to lose" and proceed to do the math in their heads. So, no more numbers for me. I just say "Yes, I've lost a lot and I have some more to go." Sometimes it makes them angry, other times they just give me encouragement and move along. But, honestly, for the ones it angers...well, my weightloss isn't any of their business anyway.

[tigerlily14 35]

Can I go on record as saying this all scares me?

See I have been over weight my entire life and I know now that I have used my weight as a way to try to keep from getting hurt by others even though I get hurt often from different people. There is apart of my deathly afraid of receiving a lot of attention or seeing how it changes the people I have always known. Is anyone experienced that before.

[parisshel 1,892]

I love looking slimmer and love how society views me now. (I guess I'm quite vain, because I have none of the anxiety I read others experiencing as their bodies change.) Recently I completely changed my hair from a style I've worn FOREVER to a radically different look. I love all the compliments and second-takes. Same with my clothes...as soon as I've moved out from a size, I put the dress/pants/ whatever in a box to sell off. I don't walk around in too-big clothes because I just want to show off my weight loss.

I spent years only looking in mirrors which showed my face. Years trying to be invisible. Years never speaking up. And now all that has changed. I'm seriously loving this time in my life. I'm truly enjoying the little daily interactions with people who didn't know me 60 pounds ago and who talk to me thinking I'm just this normal person.

I must be an outlier, I dunno.

Is there a way you can work with a counselor who can reframe all this for you so that you, too, can get great joy out of people's positive reaction to what you've done? It's such a shame not to enjoy this stuff...

[gowalking 10,790]

I do see a therapist shel. I have no problem with people who don't know me when I was heavy. I enjoy the normalcy as much as anyone else. It's the folks who knew me before and just don't recognize me at all now that makes me uncomfortable. And Jim...I am very happy and healthy. I just think I need this part of the process overwith.

[2muchfun 8,927]

The silver lining is if you borrowed money from these folks, they won't hit you up for a payback ;op

Edited May 17, 2014 by 2muchfun

[gowalking 10,790]

The silver lining is if you borrowed money from these folks, they won't hit you up for a payback ;op

I so appreciate the levity tmf. You don't see it on this forum, but I have a great sense of humor as well. Thanks again.

[Christina.Rose 287]

I am in a reverse situation. I have not lost my weight yet but moved back to my hometown from high school. I was a size 6-8 all of my teen and young adult life up until about 7 years ago when I began gaining weight rapidly and now am 100 lbs give or take overweight. I was diagnosed with PCOS among other things but that's for a different post. I live in actual fear of running into people I know. I DON'T want them to remotely recognize me. If I see someone I used to know I don't care where I am I will LEAVE the store/hide in a bathroom etc. I sometimes hope im SOOOOOO fat that they won't be able to know if it's me. Ugh. Hopefully you will feel better in your new body soon and the people making you uncomfortable will realize that how great you look now doesn't have to be a verbal comparison to your past but simply a compliment! Best wishes

[sleepingarby 71]

I have gotten the double takes and shock responses. I tend to take it all in stride. I guess I don't really care what people think of the changes, I know I am on a journey and I have not reached my destination. I have achieved many NSV's and that has been the best reward possible. I am comfortable in my stretched out skin and I am still the same me on the inside. I still love, cry, fear, dream, throw tantrums (rarely), but I do it in smaller sized jeans. Maybe I am just used to people being people and reacting how they will. I choose to be happy. Hope this helps. Love my Band family

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Christinarose, I totally get it. The day before my lap band surgery I attended a memorial for an old friend . I almost did'nt go , because I was so uncomfortable with people seeing me. Can you believe it ? She would'nt of cared and im glad I went, but I totally get where you're coming from. But im banded and healthy and strong now, and thats good enough for me. Best of luck to you !