Dating!

[Shea_Shea 39]

So I decided to try dating again. This is the first time since my surgery in Jan. I have a date Friday with a guy I met on match. Totally different kind of guy then I usually go for. He and I are both very into working out at the gym (we actually go to the same gym) and hiking. But now after my surgery I feel really insecure about myself. I also don't know if I should just be straight forward and tell him I had the surgery or just not say anything. I also think he thinks I'm a lot smaller then I am which I know shouldn't matter anyway he should like me for me. But it's kind of nerve-racking. Anyone else having dating problems?

[BKLYNgal87 503]

I am dating again as well. My rule of thumb has been to not divulge the weight loss, especially early on. This hasn't worked out too well in practice when bouncers or bartenders ask for my ID when I'm out with guys. They give me weird looks and ask me if my license is indeed mine. Makes for an awkward conversation with my date . When it comes to online dating especially courtship is rather long as two people who are complete strangers get to know eachother. My medical history is something I find deeply personal and I always try and make calculated risks when it comes to bearing my soul to someone. That being said, nothing is more attractive than self-confidence. You should be proud of your accomplishments - let that pride shine through in how you act and how you carry yourself.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

I have lost so much I am not recognizable....So I have been "outed" in a professional setting by accident. Be prepared...

However I agree it is an intimate detail and I have no wish to divulge until I decide the guy is a serious prospect. Even then, I won't talk about WLS but rather massive weight loss and plastics. There are people who will rule you out for this. My example was a guy who pursued me pretty hard till he happened to notice my arm scars. I decided to go ahead and dive into my story. He claimed to admire that I had changed my life....but within a week he claimed he never felt any "chemistry" with me. Strange coming from someone who had been in daily contact and was talking pretty big about stuff about trips together etc. until then....

I didn't lose weight or have plastics to find a guy so I don't let itbug me. I love how I look, I am fun to be with and frankly if I wanted to just "date" casually and never have to face this, I could. What i want is a real relationship and that won't happen unless we are comfortable with each others history so at the right stage I will risk "rejection" over this until the right one comes along. And in the meantime, loving life single and with a few close supportive friends.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Confidence and a genuine smile should be your two best features. My man is 6'2" and a healthy, thin, and active Mediterranean sweetie. I am 5'4" and weighed 185 pre-op pounds when we met and gained another 50 since due to orthopedic issues that kept me in bed for a long time. We have been inseparable from the beginning like a couple who have been together forever (we are in our early 60's and have been together 8 years). Before I scheduled my surgery (12/23/2014, I asked him if he would feel like he is missing anything if I lost 100 pounds (cause I was thinking maybe he was a "chubby chaser"). Nope...he just wants me to be healthy and happy, whatever size and weight that package comes in.

So, I said all of that to say this: Love comes in all sizes and shapes. Don't waste your time on someone looking for perfection, and don't you be looking for perfection...it doesn't exist. Love can sneak out at you anywhere from the produce section of the grocery to the teller line inside the bank. Oh, by the way....we met on Craigslist and communicated for a full two months before meeting up at a White Castle burger joint during the daytime in a public place. After that, we decided that we would continue our first date by going to an afternoon matinee down the street. The movie was Nacho Libre, since we had determined that we both enjoy comedies. We have been together ever since.

So, dress your best every time you go out the door, and keep your antannaes out for the fella who is checking you out! If you can balance charm with caution, then I wish you the best in letting love find you.

[Shea_Shea 39]

Thanks! It's just so weird I had more confidence when I was heavier and now I'm always kind of hiding myself when around people. Hopefully that will go away.