Feeling my Feelings...and nothing I can do about it.

[pinksjo1 137]

The interesting part for me is realizing what my triggers are. The one I notice is anger. When I get angry, I want somethig sweet NOW. When I first noticed it, I had to sit down, figure out why I was angry, and what I could do about it without turning to food. Its a process, but I am learning a lot about myself and how to work through things. Believe me, its much easier to not eat the sweets and deal with the emotion. Not having the guilt that comes along with eating the sweets is nice!

[jjinWA 511]

OMG... Such an honest and heartfelt thread. I am scheduled for sleeve surgery mid June and it helps so much to see how all of you have coped and faced you're food demons. I know I will face them too. The upcoming surgery is scary for sure, but the scariest thing of all is exactly what you all are talking about....living life without using food as a solace. Will I be able to keep my life together, including my relationships with my husband, daughters, and other family members. I have always been the "go to person" for all their gripes and complaints. I am the center of their lives and have never really lived mine! I am there to meet every need they have if I possibly can. Will all that change where I say "go pound dirt" and do it yourself? I hope not, but I am looking for a time when I finally put myself first. What will they think of me then! Will I stay married, will my daughters still want to spend time with me, will my mom not resent me..... All things that I will need to resolve as I go through this journey.

[par1959 470]

Interesting stats. I have to ask where did this information originate? Some on this board would find your post is negitive, but I find it educational. Knowing these issues are a possibility allows all of us to be better mentally prepared to deal with them. Thanks for the information.

[jjinWA 511]

I think educational and not at all negative. Most of us diagnosed as morbidly obese eat because it is our coping mechanism used to meet our daily problems we face in life. Yes, some of us have much bigger problems then others, but in the end we all faced them through food.

[Emarie07 47]

Um OP how did you get into my own mind and write this post for me. I mean this is my post, this is me exactly. Exactly. This forum is one of the best things to happen to me. We always think we are alone and the only one who feels that way. I'm not alone in this! Seeing my therapist regularly and sticking to my anti depressant medication is my plan. I hope that's good enough.

[jjinWA 511]

I think it is really important to share the reality of life after surgery. Most likely the problems will still be there and we have to learn that our methods of facing those same problems will no longer be through food. It is apparent that our personalities may change, or at least our most inner selves tend to rise to the surface a bit more. That part of this thread is helpful for me. I will understand it a bit more and learn to accept these changes and now they are normal. When the tears come I will know it is ok and will not be afraid to seek help if necessary....

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Interesting, jjinWA. I know that for me, a lot of this year has been about making small, positive changes for myself. And yes, the family fights back. They don't want me going to CrossFit at 5:30 or 6:30 pm, when I should be busy putting dinner on the table. They don't want to cut THEIR carbs. They don't want me busy and engaged and happy, if I am not right here for them. My husband even said to me recently, "What I really want is a 1950s wife." He was shocked when I replied, "So do I, but I won't get one either so suck it up, Buttercup." It's possible that a few years ago I would have bent over backwards to try to be MORE. These days, I have a messy house, I'm really engaged in both my professional (free-lance) and volunteer work, and exercise, and there are weeks that my husband and kids have to pitch in to make things like dinner happen. They will live. This is very good for them. It is not always easy for them to hear that I am a priority too. And sometimes my temper is short and I do not have a go-to glass of wine to calm myself down. Again, we will all survive this. It's sad to think about the self I was that didn't want to EVER upset anyone.

[Emarie07 47]

I think educational and not at all negative. Most of us diagnosed as morbidly obese eat because it is our coping mechanism used to meet our daily problems we face in life. Yes, some of us have much bigger problems then others, but in the end we all faced them through food.< /p>

And I completely agree it's educational in nature. Yes it's also somewhat negative but this journey is real and it's not all sunshine and rainbows and that's why I'm so thankful for this thread. I had a major meltdown today and I'm only day 7 post op. Now I see this and don't feel so alone.

[jjinWA 511]

Exactly my point. Thank you! I have a lot of adjusting to do.... And so will those around me. I will continue to work hard to be kind, gentle caring, etc as I always have in the past, but I will include being kind to myself in that senario. And if I have an off day and feel like my coping stick ain't working I will take a moment for myself.... Something I never did in the past. Calgon take me away!

[HumanMerelyBeing 287]

@@par1959 -

Here are some of sources on the stats quoted on suicide rates, transfer addictions and divorce rates after bariatric surgery. This article actually uses a stat of 80-85% divorce rate, but I quoted a more conservative 75% from another article I saw.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2010/09/28/us-suicide-surgery-idUSTRE68R5FM20100928

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/10/17/a-tragic-risk-of-weight-loss-surgery/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0

http://rfl.com/Portals/3/PDF/Counseling%20Bariatric%20Surgery%20Patients.pdf

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Many go through this during the early weeks and months.... which is more typical I think. I was surprised to find myself dealing with it so much later. Desiring food for comfort is no longer a key issue, but it is an issue of how to get used to really FEELING things. It's much better now though - and much of it is due to OTHER life changes. I am a recent empty nester, my job changed to being much more solitary, I lost my sister and mom who i was very close to about 7 years ago. Basically, my life scarcely resembles what it was like say 10 years ago. In so many ways it is better, but it has been ALOT of change. It is tied to the weight loss because some of the changes I needed to make a very long time ago, but only finally now have the energy to do it. I wonder if that is why the divorce rate etc is high too... something that needed to happen but didn't due to the overwhelming weight that morbid obesity puts on a person - crushes some of that energy to solve any other problems in life.

I don't think it is the least bit negative to discuss it and people who have not gone through it maybe just haven't hit it yet or are perhaps fortunate enough that they won't.

[HumanMerelyBeing 287]

I try not to post anything too negative. Nor is my goal necessarily to educate. It's just to be honest about my experience, which it turns out is often kinda universal. I find comfort in that and I always learn a little something from what you all have to say, too!

For example, I love the person on here who says that food was her filter. So true! Now that the filter is turned off, all kinds of crap is coming out!!

I am also trying to learn about surviving the feelings and the fear that they bring up in me. I don't want to be part of the any of the statistics that I quoted and that's why I reach out.

And luckily, there are lots of you out there who are willing to reach back. So thank you.

[jjinWA 511]

I admit I am new to this site and look forward to all the advice I receive here. Being positive about upcoming surgeries, post surgery results, etc proves to be a great read and encourages me to move forward to my own surgery date. BUT I also appreciate the honestly and frankness given to topics such as this. I like to know that my "off days" and possible changes in my own personality are not inclusive only to me. Many of us have not shared our choices to have WLS with our family, friends, etc. so we do not have a large venue to discuss what we are going through during this journey. This site is our opportunity to discuss everything related to weight loss surgery, that being the good the bad and the ugly. I soooooo very much appreciate the shared experiences and advice you all provide through theses posts.

[Emarie07 47]

I admit I am new to this site and look forward to all the advice I receive here. Being positive about upcoming surgeries, post surgery results, etc proves to be a great read and encourages me to move forward to my own surgery date. BUT I also appreciate the honestly and frankness given to topics such as this. I like to know that my "off days" and possible changes in my own personality are not inclusive only to me. Many of us have not shared our choices to have WLS with our family, friends, etc. so we do not have a large venue to discuss what we are going through during this journey. This site is our opportunity to discuss everything related to weight loss surgery, that being the good the bad and the ugly. I soooooo very much appreciate the shared experiences and advice you all provide through theses posts.

You said it perfectly. Ditto ^^^^^ Thank you!

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

get a good therapist. exercise. start exploring ways of soothing yourself without food.... positive self talk, deep breathing, baths, books, music, massage therapy, walks in the woods, etc.