Who do I tell? Is it ok to only tell a couple people?

[Sassypants92201 76]

I am at odds with myself about the whole "telling" people thing?! I have been up and down with my weight my entire adult life but this time, hopefully, it's going to happen pretty fast. I was only planning on telling 5 people. That's it. I also don't like to lie...so, when you don't tell everyone, what do you tell people who ask you how you did it??

I am 210 and 5'5" so I am guessing I will have loose skin so I feel like I can't say I have been working out and eating right.

[awold0 246]

I am at odds with myself about the whole "telling" people thing?! I have been up and down with my weight my entire adult life but this time, hopefully, it's going to happen pretty fast. I was only planning on telling 5 people. That's it. I also don't like to lie...so, when you don't tell everyone, what do you tell people who ask you how you did it??

I am 210 and 5'5" so I am guessing I will have loose skin so I feel like I can't say I have been working out and eating right.

I am one of those that told everyone upfront and after. I was so excited and just figured they will know anyway. I am 10 months and down 115 lbs. I felt that for me to say a lie was not for me. There is many others that don't tell but a lot said they were scared of failure of the surgery and not loosing. I must have been nieve because it never entered my mind I would not loose. We are all different. This was just my way. Wanted to shout it out to everyone because I felt so good.

[Cindy_Wisc 3]

In my experience, if you tell 5 people then those 5 people each tell someone and the information is then totally public. I am keeping my surgery a secret from everyone except my daughter and I'll just tell people that I'm eating right and working out.

But everyone is different so you should go with your gut on this.

Btw -- even with the surgery, the success comes from you eating right and working out so it's not like you would be telling a lie.

[Sassypants92201 76]

Well the 5 people that I will tell are not people who will tell. They are my lock and key secret keepers.

How soon after the surgery did you all work out? Just curious...

[PdxMan 4,292]

Well the 5 people that I will tell are not people who will tell. They are my lock and key secret keepers.

How soon after the surgery did you all work out? Just curious...

My Dr cleared me for exercise 6 weeks post-op. You have to give your body time to heal from the surgery.

As far as telling people, the first person I told gave me the old, "Why can't you just eat less and move more?" line. After that, I realized people are going to judge me and my lifestyle choices and I saw no reason to put myself out there for public scrutiny. I told my wife and kids and also my sisters in law as they were watching my kids when my wife and I flew down to Vegas (baby!) for the procedure. I did tell the rest of my family two days before, "Hey, just want to let you know I'm having Bariatric surgery Friday." and told my wife's family 2 months post-op. I told each set this was a private, personal decision and I would appreciate their support, not judgement. That was the end of it.

Now, almost 3 years post op, I have the information and the results to give me confidence to hold an intelligent conversation with anybody on the topic and so I do not keep the procedure private anymore.

When people asked me before, as to why I was eating so little, or how I was losing weight, I would truthfully tell them I am just cutting my portion sizes down and exercising more. There is no lie there nor lie by omission. I do not need to tell them I have a tool helping me with my Portion Control.< /p>

Just like when someone asks me if I am going to have any more kids, I do not need to explain to them I had a vasectomy. I don't have to explain my lasik surgery, my hemorrhoid surgery, my ...

This does NOT have to put out there for public discussion.

[LumpySpacePrincess 594]

I think it really depends on the people in your life. I told everyone I know via Facebook, and then called a few people on the phone and told them there as well. I have a ton of really supportive people in my life, and even the one or two who were skeptical I just ignored their comments. Now at 5 months out I can say everyone is happy I told them.

I think a lot of people have reservations about telling others because they are afraid they will be seen as a failure at losing weight on their own. To me that's like saying someone who goes through chemotherapy is a failure at beating cancer on their own. You are doing the absolute best thing for yourself and you should be proud that you are taking the steps to regain your health and your life.

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

I am 210 and 5'5" so I am guessing I will have loose skin so I feel like I can't say I have been working out and eating right.

I'm only telling a few people post-op but will probably tell more people after. My only reason for not telling people before is that I don't want their opinions. This is my decision and it's not up for popular vote.

I just realized that this whole topic (which has been hashed out hundreds of times on these boards) really comes down to how you feel about being completely honest -- do you feel you're lying if you omit some of the story or not. And, how important is it to you personally to be completely forthcoming when you're asked about your loss.

I did have a comment about one thing you said -- you will be working out and eating right so that part is completely true. The loose skin isn't a side effect of the surgery, it's a side effect of losing the weight. So, I don't think having loose skin is a 'signal' that you had surgery.

[heather03 7]

I'm only 3 weeks out, but the only person who knows is my husband. And he is the only person I plan on having know. I do not plan to tell anyone else (unless it is medically necessary). I'm not telling my friends, family, or coworkers. It's my business, and no one needs to know. I will field and deflect the questions as they come without revealing that I had the surgery. I'm counting calories ("Yeah, there's this great app called MyFitnessPal that helps me track everything - you should try it! So, how have you been...how's your mother/kid/job/etc.?"), working out every day, eating smaller portions, drinking more Water, and making better food choices. That's all they'll ever need to know. If they ask me point-blank, I'm prepared to lie. I know a lot of people have issue with that, but I don't. Sorry to be so blunt, but it's my choice, my journey, and my life. Just my two cents...

[jtickle 295]

I think I have told everyone in four counties that I am having the surgery. I don't really care what they think. No one as of yet has asked me why I just can't do it on my own. Most people that know me real well, know I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. Telling people is personal decision that can only be decided by you.

[Breaking Red 59]

I don't think it's about being completely honest or lying. You have a human right to. Have your own PERSONAL BUSINESS. You are ALLOWED to keep what ever you want private. You get decided what that is, no one else does.

Why is someone's weight loss public property? Why do I have to divulge whether or not I had wls simply because someone asked me?

If you don't feel comfortable don't make it public. Tell whomever you feel most comfortable with or tell no one. It is your right and neither decision is wrong. Do what's right for you.

I've seen comments that you will lose credibility if you decide to divulge later on. Again I find that wrong. Again you have the right to take the time to go thru this HUGE life altering change. Family, friends, coworkers don't get to define that timeline for you. And if they feel slighted or bent out of shape, I would say you're better off without them. That person is more concerned about themselves than you.

Do people ask you your salary? Your husband's penis size? Do you feel compelled to answer? That's how personal I find whether or not someone should ask if I had wls. But..... That's me. Others scream it from the rooftops and that's great for them.

You should never let other people define your personal boundaries and you should never feel pressured in telling. Nor should guilt be your guide.

I told my BF, daughter and BFF. That's it. Whether I tell anyone else is so far down the road it isn't on my radar. If a coworker or casual friend forced the question my reply is simply 'I've been working with a nutritionist, working out and watching my diet' If they feel the need to push it then the response is 'I can't believe you would ask a question like that'

[jjinWA 511]

I have jumped all the hoops and finally received my insurance approval. Surgery scheduled for June 17th. Up to this point I have shared my decision to have WLS with only my daughters, husband, and my mother. I have no plans to share with anyone else, even my brother or sister. For me, this is a very personal choice and I am a private person. If someone asks me how I am losing weight I will simply state "watching my food choices, controlling portion sizes, and exercising." This will be my life style forevermore, so certainly not a lie!

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

I have told no one. (Apart from my finance)

I was working it on the basis that if you want to keep it a secret - you keep your mouth shut.

Besides, I didn't need the noise. And it would undoubtedly have generated noise.

My life, my decision. Everyone else can naff off.

The only people I talk bariatric surgery with, are you lot and the people who had surgery at the same hospital I did.

That is quite enough for me

[jtickle 295]

I know I responded earlier, but I have learned from experience that the people you think will keep your secrets won't. I was diagnosed will bipolar disorder in 2009. I told my secret keeper, who was supposed to be my bff. She told everyone who would listen. So if you don't want others to know you may want to consider not telling your secret keepers.

[mnmlst 249]

I'm planning to keep it pretty quiet -- just my husband and my parents. I agree that lying feels wrong to me, so I'm just not going to lie. If someone asks me, "Did you have bariatric surgery?" I'll say that I did. But I can't imagine that would be anyone's first guess. So if they ask what I'm doing, I'm going to tell the truth, which is that I am working with a doctor and restricting my caloric intake pretty significantly. All truth, without inviting the peanut gallery to judge me.

[lsereno 2,525]

Whether to tell or not is personal decision, just like the decision to have WLS. Do what feels best for you. I was a teller, because I'm comfortable with that, wanted to share the word about WLS, and worried my friends and family would think I had a terminal disease when I started dropping weight rapidly and my hair thinned. But that's me!

If you decide to not tell, think of contingency plan for how to handle direct questions after weight loss begins and if someone you did tell blabs to others.

If you decide to tell, think of responses for those that make comments about your choice, from those you care about most to near strangers. Be prepared, some comments will be nice and come from a caring place and it will vary from that to downright mean for some.

Best wishes on your journey,

Lynda

Lynda