Dating after Weight Loss Surgery

[PRINCESSM 210]

Well i was about to call a cab when he returned .. im home safe now. Very odd situation but great conversation.

Edited June 3, 2014 by PRINCESSM

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

When I met the guy i just started seeing he was so freaked out because he forgot his wallet. He wanted me to wait while he went home to get it... 20 minutes round trip. I told him I was okay with buying our drinks. ..and I'd be gone if he left to get his wallet so he might as well sit down and relax. We wound up having a marvelous first date, having dinner and not just drinks. He ended it by saying ..."ah ha... you HAVE to see me again so I can take you out". Our second date he took me to a very nice place and we had a wonderful date. We have gone out several times now including all day on his boat 3 times where he insists on hosting everything, grills yummy food etc. My point is that weirdness can happen and you have to roll with it and take a chance if he otherwise seems cool.

[JeanZ_RN 378]

Tomorrow I have my first date in at least 10 years. I'm so excited!! Found him on Plenty of Fish (which I learned about on this site). We've texted, emailed and spoken on the phone so far, and tomorrow we'll meet at a restaurant or coffee shop.

[karla23 5]

"JeanZ_RN" Tomorrow I have my first date in at least 10 years. I'm so excited!! Found him on Plenty of Fish (which I learned about on this site). We've texted, emailed and spoken on the phone so far, and tomorrow we'll meet at a restaurant or coffee shop.

I'm so excited for you!! Let us know!

[planningband07 52]

Hey what if they are wonderful guys who have no other pics of themselves? I know it looks gross but woukd you reject a guy because he likes to fish? I say give them a chance. Same thing with the bikes. It's better than a bathroom selfie or a deer in headlights webcam shot!

I totally agree with this comment! Lol Guys who fish can be very calm and Patient, what lady doesn't need that? lol

[patrice1 81]

I have some experience with online dating, and I have dated men I met in other ways. I gave up about 4 years ago and started focusing on me. I've spent that time doing a lot of things on my bucket list that I had not done before then. Even my decision now to do WLS has nothing to do with losing weight to be pleasing to men (this was NOT the case all of my life about diets. It was always about 'this is what men expect me to be'). I was glad to shed that expectation. My Dad really promoted his daughters being thin, and it was extreme. Not that I blame Dad for my choices, but I think I rebelled. I am a pear-shaped, tall, and big boned woman. I literally could feel my ribs sticking out on the top, and had larger legs and butt, while the scale read a low weight, I always looked heavier. Even thin, many men did not like my body.

My first husband was great about me, and after 17 years, sadly, our marriage ended. I did eventually date online, and met my second husband. That marriage lasted a year and was physically abusive. I simply was naive and had a "learning experience" from that. It ended ten years ago, and while I dated here and there, even one seriously for awhile, I found that I needed time to really sort through all my issues. My fat was a protective wall around me, for many reasons, some personal and I won't share here. But I found out that binge eating is an eating disorder. I was a serial dieter, but could never keep it off for long.

When I made the decision to have WLS, I went in to therapy, which I am still in and will stay in. I find this time without men to be very important. I am ready to shed the pounds and the protective walls of fat that keep men away.

However, even my thin friends, the ones with the body types that men like, who seem to have the perfect body, have the same issues with men. They meet the duds and the sweethearts. They have to do the same things we all talk about here. I think it is an important reality check to know that being overweight, while making it more difficult to navigate the dating world on a superficial level, my thin friends also get hit on for those same superficial reasons. They get their hearts broken at the same rate.

I really believe that as we love ourselves, living our lives as fully and happily as possible single, as counter-intuitive as it may seem, is exactly how we attract the better guy, the one who wants to meet a fabulous woman, with a happy smile and a happy life, and one who respects and loves herself. A man with the same qualities will find that attractive.

However, I have made peace with the fact that he perhaps may not come. I am fine with that. My WLS will give me a healthy life, that will enable me to be around to see my children get older and have children of their own. I will be able to travel, and walk, and hike, and dance .....

I know this is long, but I am finding my life again. WLS is the first step. I am open now - to all of life. I'll let you know what I find on "the other side." You all give me such inspiration! Love this topic.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

patrice, I love what you wrote... all very true! In the end, no one else can "make" us happy or at peace - we need to find that from within! Looks and weight make an initial difference for many visually oriented people (lets be honest, it matters to us women too!) but as patrice said those things really don't matter too much in the long haul.

I want to add something else though which is really knowing our own mind and what WE WANT. In other words, don't wait around to be picked! Know your own mind, your wants and needs and your own value! This is a small example - I hid my profile on POF and just contact the guys i am interested in. The quality of men I met improved about 1,000 percent as a result. Instead of getting a zillion emails from completely uninteresting "matches" it resulted in very targeted phone conversations and i only met one of the guys I contacted - I have been seeing him for several weeks now. That is so much better then the 100 coffee meet and greets I went on last time I was on the dating sites. Men like to be the pursue-ers and I know that, but, I don't have time or patience for wasting time sifting through all those emails and first meetings stuff. I had gotten positively jaded on the process before.

One thing I realized is that I was sending mixed signals before. I want a relationship but I don't visualize ever getting married or "permanently partnered" again. Basically, I want a boyfriend to travel with, do fun stuff with, enjoy life, be each other's confidant but, not looking for prince charming to change my life, nor do I really want to overhaul his... Maybe I will change my mind, but right now that is how I see it. So I would get wrapped around the axle of whether a guy indicated he was interested in a "relationship" or "nothing serious". I leaned toward men saying they want a relationshp, but then i verbally expressed my headspace after we met and decided we like each other. It helped alot that I had really thought about my wants and desires AND thought about all the great things I have to offer the right person. AGain, the man I am seeing has a strong outgoing personality but he LIKES that I know what I want and can communicate it. Simplifies the who deal...because I am not 20 anymore, not a blank slate anymore and frankly ... my give a damn is busted... so I would rather be home riding my horse then having coffee with someone who doesn't interest me!

I don't know that the man I just started seeing is "the right person" but, so far we having a blast hanging out, going boating, enjoying fine food (appetizers for me!), movies (we are both a bit of buffs), talking about investments and financial planning... and while he doesn't want to ride, his daughter is a rider and as things progress I hope to include her in my horsey plans (carefully!)

[JeanZ_RN 378]

CowgirlJane, I really like the idea of hiding my profile on POF. How do I do it?

[mishy102 2]

CowgirlJane, I really like the idea of hiding my profile on POF. How do I do it?

Just go under your profile. Click edit and you should find it on that page. Hope it helps.

[ready2Bslim 19]

I think I successfully joined the private group that was set up but can't figure out how to post to it.

My surgery is set for June 30th. I recently jumped back into the dating pool. Have not set up online dating profiles yet but plan to after surgery. Maybe I'll fill them out while I'm off work for recovery

Sunday I had my first and last date with a guy who has 9 cats, 3 dogs, dips skoal, and creeped me out with a bunch of pervy comments.

[Susysleever 265]

Classic case of " And that's why he's single"

[JeanZ_RN 378]

My first date in at least 10 years was last night, and by george I DID remember how to act. It was great! He is fabulous, and that's not just because he said several times "You're so little!" We have "a hot date" (his words) set for tomorrow night. I'm grinning like an idiot, and I love the feeling.

[jerwelch 3]

I am 18 months post op and have tried the online dating it's so expensive. I have only been on two dates since surgery.

[Susysleever 265]

I am 18 months post op and have tried the online dating it's so expensive. I have only been on two dates since surgery.

My 'our time' was $20 per month. Plenty of fish is free.

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

@patrice1 Sounds like you have a healthy understanding of what you're ready for and what you're doing. I've been single now for over 6 years and I spent that time not having ANY dates or men so that I could get ME together. After all that time and now planning this surgery, I feel like I'm ready to step out there. IMHO, it is VERY important to be OK with yourself alone before wrapping yourself up with somebody else.

@ready2Bslim I hear you on the pervy comments... I'm on Plenty of Fish and Christian Mingle and believe it or not on both of them, you get really creepy, suggestive emails.