Dating after Weight Loss Surgery

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Well Suzy, I agree, but i think the initial meeting for a coffee or something similar is not a bad idea. I don't consider that a date either... and if I decide to see them AFTER the coffee meeting I expect something a little more interesting. Lowes, Walmart etc would not be acceptable..haha

Friday night someone I recently met took me out to a lovely place on Alki beach - an evening of chatting, nice seafood and watching the boats and everything over the Water as it got dark... very romantic and I had a great time. I got a bit chilled and so he fetched his coat that I wore over my sweater.... rolled the sleeves up to not dip them in the clam chowder. We stopped at a boat launch at gazed at the city lights and talked some more under the moonlight. Now that is a date!

BTW, our first meeting was at a family friendly pub kind of place. The idea was to just have a beverage but we liked each other's company and wound up having dinner together on our initial meeting. something like that is also a good alternative to meeting at a coffee shop.

[woo woo 872]

CGJ is 100% right. coffee isn't supposed to be the date. It's supposed to be a safe, neutral place to connect in person to decide if you want to go on a date with each other. It's really a way to streamline and not waste a bunch of nights on long dinner type dates with mr. or ms. wrong.

Sheesh no offense but some of you on here are mighty negative and judgy.

Most decent men don't have a bunch of pics around of just themselves without other people. What you can't tell from these photos is whether they went fishing or hunting one time with some friends and somebody took a picture, or else they just liked the idea of looking sporty/masculine or whatever.

Give people a break and try to keep an opened mind.

I would also suggest that you look closely at the profiles with no pictures at all. That is where you will find the men with the really good careers/important jobs as they don't want thier employees/colleagues to see them online. Just a tip.

Happy dating!!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

woo woo - is that a papillion in your profile? i love my little pap!

Oh, and some of the ones without photos are married guys or unattractive ones but I am sure there are gems in there as well.

I have accepted that MOST, but not all men aren't very conscious of their own appearance so don't take care to have amazing photos so try to not judge them too hard on that one. Not all of them can write blazing amazing profiles either, so I just try to think in terms of compatible interests. I just want a guy to be in somewhat decent shape, live a reasonable distance, have a job/career and compatible interests (outdoorsy girl here!). Chemistry, personality, how well they commmunicate etc I just can't judge until we meet. In fact, the big fat liar that i encountered had great photos, was very charming - in hindsight a total player that knew how to work the system. I suspect some of the less impressive profiles are more ordinary guys... watch out for the silver tongued slick dudes. I did learn a great lesson - catch em in the very first fib and they are GONE because who knows where the lies stop and the truth begins? I decided that many people lie on their profiles and i used to be somewhat okay with it, but have decided it is a huge red flag. There are two topics men commonly like about that are obvious to notice when you meet - their age and their height.

[woo woo 872]

No you are right, I should have added the caveat that they should offer to send pics via email right away!

My pic is actually a long coat chihuahua, they are related to papillons though. The "wings" are not as pronounced as the paps but otherwise they are very similar. Love em!

Bottom line on this online dating - you have to dig to find the gold I guess In the end it's worth the work when you find your keeper.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I am getting serious about finding someone to enter a relationship with... there are topics around this that i would like to discuss with other single ladies in a private setting.... I have created a private / members only group for those discussions.

We can share some experiences, give feedback on profiles, talk about how to "stay safe" and maybe tips on how to be successful at this! Any of you that are in the middle of this fun and games are welcome to join but need to be invited as it is a private group. Contact me via if you are interested and I will invite you!

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

I don't consider myself negative or judgey. I didn't say I don't like the bass or deer or motorcycle or car pics, I just want to be able to see their face clearly (not backlit) in at least one picture. Actually, the car pics don't do it for me. I'm not materialistic and if I want a freakin' expensive car, I'll buy one for myself, thank you very much. The motorcycle is different because that's not just transportation, it's like a lifestyle/hobby thing, too.

I do have a few requirements I consider important for profiles -- I think it's a big red flag when they say they are a PhD professor or a master's degree holding engineer but they can't put things into sentences or they spell REALLY poorly (not just -- I'm typing on my iPad poorly).

I won't look at profiles without a picture. Nine out of ten guys put in their profile that they won't respond to profiles without a pic and neither will I. And if the first email I get from them is "you are so beautiful, you are the one for me, I want to make you the happiest woman on earth"... PASS! Or if they start with "distance doesn't matter".... ummmm, yes it does if you're a professional with a career and not willing to relocate.

Go check out some of the Dr. Phil shows on online dating scams ... it's amazing what some people.fall for.

[woo woo 872]

@@Ginger Snaps I was looking at someone else when I said that about negativity!

I think you have some very valid points.

Edited May 20, 2014 by woo woo

[lisa2job 130]

So I online dated before surgery and now after, i definalty get hit on more , its fun and interesting and they always ask WHY are you single??????

now the eating thing is kinda tricky at first cause you cant eat anything and they think your being shy or something.. I told one guy that i had surgery because we started to really see each other on a regular basis and he was wondering why I wont eat anything and it started to get a bit weird, but at 2 years out I dont tell them, I can eat more not alot but enough so that questions are not asked. i usually order veggies and chicken breast or somehting i now is going to be small...

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

Thanks Woo Woo... I think I jumped into thinking you were talking about me because I do feel very picky. It sounds kinda snotty but I am going to be pretty discriminating this time around. I have a very successful career and my ex was very intimidated by my income. He always made it an issue and even now says resentful things like how it's not fair that I get to take the kids on vacation, etc. Even though I'm paying him alimony... Go figure!

Anyway, even though I'm not materialistic I want someone kind of on the same income and education level. Just so we don't have that kind of disparity to have conflict over.

However I've frequently thought of finding a sexy handyman to take care of the house and yard while I earn the bacon!

Ok. Guess this thread has gone way off topic! Lol

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Thanks Woo Woo... I think I jumped into thinking you were talking about me because I do feel very picky. It sounds kinda snotty but I am going to be pretty discriminating this time around. I have a very successful career and my ex was very intimidated by my income. He always made it an issue and even now says resentful things like how it's not fair that I get to take the kids on vacation, etc. Even though I'm paying him alimony... Go figure!

Anyway, even though I'm not materialistic I want someone kind of on the same income and education level. Just so we don't have that kind of disparity to have conflict over.

However I've frequently thought of finding a sexy handyman to take care of the house and yard while I earn the bacon!

Ok. Guess this thread has gone way off topic! Lol

I could have written this.

Been there done that with the ex I still give money to. Sigh.

[Kquinn 17]

This may sound shallow but I'm waiting until after I have the surgery to start going out and meeting guys. I understand the whole wanting someone to love you for you, not just because you're skinny but i want to find a guy when I'm skinnier. I have no confidence now. I have guys approach me often and I just think of it as a joke because I think there is no way a guy could find me attractive the way I am. I want to work on myself and become the best me I can before I bring a guy into my life. I think by doing it this way I will know for sure I'm not settling for anyone and they are not settling for me.

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

@Kquinn Not shallow at all -- smart! I thought I'd "dip my toe" in dating pre-surgery but I'm not really ready either. Like you, I want to work on myself first. Thinking about and planning for this surgery has made me much more self-conscious about my weight right now. I'm much more aware of it.

When I'm looking through profiles I pass right over the ones where they are very athletic looking or if they mention being "fit" or "healthy eating" -- just because I feel like they wouldn't even consider dating me.

I'm sure this is one of those emotional things I'll have to work through after surgery -- probably will need lots of counseling!

[PRINCESSM 210]

Ginger I do the same thing. Was out dancing Saturday night and when a guy danced with me I had to wonder if he was just joking - like "let's find the ugliest girl here to dance with for fun". Horrible to have so little confidence. And I told the guy I had been seeing about the surgery and he is against it because he likes his women fluffy which means he cares more about himself than he cares about me and my health!

[karla23 5]

Can we get a couple dating threads going? I've lots of computer dating stories. Last saturday my date took me to Lowes. The hardware store. And a Dairy Queen cone.

Hahahaha! How did you like going on a date at Lowes? I love Lowes lol

[Susysleever 265]

Lowes was horrible. One guy posted a pic of him on his horse..from the back end. Nice horses ass.