Friend said she's disappointed

[beme2013 38]

On Sunday I had a communion party for my son. It's the first time I've seen a lot of family and friends since post op - 60 pounds ago. I tried to talk to my best friend about having surgery a few months ago but she was very vocal about how terrible she thinks it is, etc. I made a decision not to tell her and Sunday was the first time I saw her. She was excited to see me , we hugged and she said I look great , what am I doing. So I told her that I had sleeve surgery in February. Her attitude changed immediately. She told me how disappointed she is with me that I chose this route instead of putting in hard work and that I'm cheating. I smiled and told her this was a decision for me and the best thing I've ever done for myself. I told her that I'm happy and hope she can be happy for me. I assured her that this is in no way cheating and it's hard. How do you handle criticism from family and friends about your choice?

[JeanZ_RN 378]

You did great! I haven't had any critical remarks, and if I ever do I hope I handle it half as well as you did. Way to go!

[Patricia Tate Johnson 43]

I think you handled if PERFECTLY! My surgery is scheduled for 4 August and for those that have expressed a less than positive sentiment, I tell me that this something I need to do for my health and quality of life and "kinda of a been there, done that" with diet & exercise and I am still at an unhealthy weight. I am really interested in seeing what their post surgery comments are.

[roundisashape 712]

You handled it 1000% better than I would have...I would have either cried or told her to fly a kite. Congratulations on your success, and I wish you the best!

[star21nd 34]

I think you handled it perfect! My sister had the sleeve in November of 2012 and has only had a weight loss of about 50 lbs which was all in the first couple of months. My date is scheduled for June 18th to have it done and she keeps discouraging me and says stupid things like just get to a gym. I think people like this are just jealous, she doesn't want me to sucessed and be thinner than her, but I think that just motivates me more. She failed because she still eats the same crap that got her fat in the first place and doesn't exercise..of course you're gonna fail if you don't change your lifestyle

[Recycled 2,182]

See..... this is the difference between men and women. If a guy friend noticed I lost weight, he'd say.....What's up dude.....you been working out?? And if I answered, "some, and I got weight loss surgery too". Then he'd say ...."hey, whatever works dude".....!! That would be pretty much IT.

Oh, I forgot to add.....if that same guy happened to notice a female it would typically go the same with one little addition....."Wow girl you look good, wha'cha been up too?" girl responds: I had WLS.

guy answers: "Damn, it sure worked....you look hot!!"

See....being shallow does have it's upside....

Edited May 6, 2014 by Recycled

[Shrinkingmom 218]

The problem is usually not dissapointment in you but in themselves for not being able to make that decision. I once felt that way and I'm ashamed to say, that I responded that way to a family member who was going to have the surgery. Part of it was fear and part was thinking that it was "the easy way out" and you can do it on your own if you try! Once she sees your journey and watches how you handle things and that you aren't going to die right in front of her, she will probably be wanting to know where to sign up. The best thing is for her to see your journey and learn what a committment it really is. I think you handled it great!

[Bufflehead 6,358]

She said that to you? I think you and I must have different definitions of "friend"! I would have told her to eff off, and yes I did say that to the one person who had a negative judgment about MY medical decision.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I think you handled it VERY well. Personally, I would have told her to SUCK IT.

If she says it again, go my route. It's not as mature, but it's much more fun.

[BellaHugz 331]

I think you handled it all full of grace. You didnt have to tell her you had wls but you did and if she cant handle the truth and support you then she is a friend from your past life.. Time to spread your wings and let the negative people go!!

[DeniseNCC1701 306]

You handled it beautifully! If she's your friend, she'll come around.

Be well…

[DeniseNCC1701 306]

See..... this is the difference between men and women. <snip>

See....being shallow does have it's upside....

HA! You just made my day. Thanks for the laugh!

Be well…

[Harley59 67]

BRAVO!!!! you did great. Don't let those comments get to you. We do what is right for us - that's what everyone has to do for themselves. GOOD JOB!! And we all know, it's not, going to the gym and working out - we have done all of that and even more.

[Smashelle 41]

Way to go, maybe I just don't have any class but you didn't cover any of the things I would have said. Is it just me? I find what she said to you damn right rude!

I had this discussion recently at a party for a two year old, I had bought a gift that was the same that the grandmother THOUGHT she had put away at home for Christmas (YES IN OVER SIX MONTHS TIME). The Grandmother told me I should consider taking it back as she was sure she already bought the same one. (I have since found out it was not) I remember a time when it would have been good manners to say thank you and just deal with the double up dilemma. It is not free speech to be rude people.

I think you did and are doing fantastic. Her disappointment is just that, HERS!

[Ariella 73]

It's one thing to express concern or fear about a friend having surgery, but for her to get on a high horse and say she was disappointed.... I wouldn't count her as a friend. I had a minor issue when I told my best friend, and she lashed out, and told me she didnt want me to do it, and then accused me of doing it because of hating myself and stuff. I had to tell her that I thought she was projecting, and that I made a choice based on my health that was rooted in a medical solution after research. She has since apologized and been supportive. Again though if I had gotten that response, I'm not sure where our relationship would be right now. Kudos for you though, for handeling it that way. I'm not sure what I would have said. Also, super congrats on your weight loss!!!!