Fearful of the surgery and the eating lifestyle

[ilovenyc 0]

Hello, I'm scheduled for surgery in a few weeks and I am having serious second thoughts. I'm afraid that I will be unhappy with all of the food restrictions and I won't adapt to the new life style. Maybe Im just afraid to give up the food. I have been overweight most of my life , but I also had periods ( after loosing 80 gain it back, then loose another 80 gain, then loose100lbs etc. ) when I was thin, but unable to keep it off. This time I am unable to loose anything. I tried every diet, but I can rally and loose weight like I use to do. I thought the sleeve would help give me another kick-start and maybe this time I can really change my eating habits for good. I have been back and forth- should I or shouldn't I , maybe I should try to do it on my own for another 6 months- hitting all of the sleeve support groups and reading on-line- basically obsessing. Any advice would be great.

[squeaker31 65]

Good luck on your decision. I think everyone's experience is different. Personally I am only 4 weeks out but I had gotten to the point that my weight was interfering with my life enough that it was willing to risk the negative side effects and commit to the lifestyle changes. I knew I needed help.

The recovery has been very painful and I am struggling with sticking to the very low calorie limit even with the sleeve, I know I have hard work in front of me still to let go of my food obsession. But I believe it's worth it for me.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Look, being six months in after surgery, all I can say that I have observed is that many of your issues around food will continue if you don't address them. For me, surgery was a helpful "re-set" and gave me the gift of several months of very reduced eating and a chance to change my habits. Many of the vets will tell you that it isn't until around the 6 months- a year point that things change. I have always been able to eat a little bit more than some others I know, and so it's ultra-important that I choose the right foods. Period. I also have tried to really re-set my exercise habits.

This is not a permanent fix. But, I'm guessing most of us have some version of your story: multiple serious attempts with varying success, only to gain back more. At the time that the surgery became a possibility, I didn't want to wait another 6 months and have another failed attempt behind me. Then again I am 45 and really, how many times did I want to do this cycle?

The best part? The restriction really does help keep me on track. But it has to be the day to day choices that come first.

I don't hold with the whole line of reasoning that I hear on here a lot, "I didn't cut out 80% of my stomach to…" Look, It is body altering, and you need to recognize that there are varying degrees of success, and there can be complications.

Taking all of that into account, and also feeling like I am a slow loser compared to some, I am doing my best to keep my head in the long term game. I am pretty convinced that losing around 60 pounds on my own in 6 months would have been almost impossible. The closest I've gotten in any attempt in the last 5 years is about 30 in that timeframe.

[Kindle 8,667]

Have you been to a therapist or counselor as part of your preop? Is there a support group in your area you can attend? Regardless, you should Read everything you can on this and other forums. (Go ahead and obsess...I certainly did!) I also recommend reading the book, "The Emotional First Aid Kit - a Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery" by Cynthia Alexander. You can download a Kindle version. I suggest these things so you can go into this with all the information you can possibly gather. This is a daunting and yes, life changing undertaking and only you can decide if it's right for you.

Like a lot of us, food has probably been your best friend for most of your life. You have to be willing to say goodbye to and bury that friend. It's not that you can't still eat all the stuff you like, it's just that you have to be willing to do it in moderation and not rely on food for your emotional crutch (cause that's what friends are for).

My friend who had Lapband 5 years has not been successful because she hasn't said goodbye to food...she eats slider foods and will even delay a fill if it's close to holidays or a stressful visit from her mom, so she will be able to pig out. Her surgery has been a waste because she hasn't gotten her head straight. WLS is way more mental than physical.

The book I mentioned above really helped me get a grip on this procedure from a mental standpoint. I wish you all the best luck and hope you make the decision you are most comfortable with...take all the time you need.

[DeniseNCC1701 306]

I think we all go think those same thoughts when we are considering WLS. It's a tough decision to make, and it's natural to be filled with doubts and uncertainties. There are no guarantees here. It is indeed imperative that you follow your team's instructions. Can you do it? I don't know the answer to that. What I do know is that the sleeve is a powerful tool, and you will lose weight. In many cases it forces one to rethink how/what they eat for life. And if you are able to combine this gift with counseling and a strong support system, you'll be a good place!

I'm only 2 1/2 months out, and I don't regret anything… so far. I know that the road ahead will be difficult. And I hope I am taking all the necessary steps now to enable me to be as successful at this as possible. I too was afraid to give up food. I still have those fears. And I have days when I get sad that I can't bury myself in $40 worth of Chinese take-out washed down with 2 pints of Ben and Jerry's. But then again, at the end of the day, those food choices would have buried me… in the ground!

All kidding aside, take a deep breath. Read some success stories to get you excited. Talk to your doctor about your concerns if you can. And reach out here, we are here to help and support, no matter what your decision is.

Be well…

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

The other thing I've observed: we kind of fall into three camps on the "giving up food" thing. There are those who really can't touch any of the carb-y foods because they operate better when they don't open that door - some of them, because those foods make them sick, and some because they do better when they regiment themselves. There are those who, like Kindle's friend above, don't observe the basic rules and do what they want, when they want, particularly when hit with a stressful situation. And then there are those (I fall into this camp) who don't have such strict rules, either because things don't affect them as much physically or because we aren't as extreme. Here is what I do: I log EVERYTHING, religiously. I try to always get my Protein in; there have only been two or three days I haven't hit 60. I hydrate religiously. If I have a week where I make bad choices, I don't then whine about not losing weight. For me, it is about taking responsibility and following the rules about 90% of the time. You will sometimes find that you do everything to the letter and you don't lose weight. You will sometimes find that the weight seems to just drop.

The other "scary" time that a lot of people have trouble with is the strict liquid phase, from pre-op to whenever your doctor allows post op. I had a fairly strict practice in terms of reintroducing foods. We were liquid for 4 weeks, mushies for 4 weeks. What I found was that following the rules gave me the confidence that I could live with this long term. And really, now being 6 months out, that amount of time was really small.

Ultimately I haven't given up any food, except carbonated beverages. I rarely eat sweets; and never more than a bite or two. chips (something I really like) aren't worth the space and again, I rarely eat them. and never more than one or two. (Are you sensing a theme?) I have a glass of wine almost every night, but I watch that carefully and always count it. My psychology means that I need to feel that I have some wiggle room. But when I feel that I do, I don't really take advantage of it. Everyone is different in how they approach this.

Edited May 4, 2014 by Fluffnomore

[Kindle 8,667]

I'd like to add a 4th category to Fluffnomore's list. It sounds like I eat very similar to her, but I don't track anything. For me, that would be too much like being on a diet (HCG, nutrisystem, etc.). I eat Protein first, drink all day long, and minimize carbs. Nothing is off limits, just in moderation. At 4 1/2 months out my progress has been better than I could have imagined. I did have a month long stall, but ironically it was when I was super sick from medications and getting in minimal food and Water.

For example, yesterday I had an egg for Breakfast and a Protein Drink mid-morning. Then I went to a baby shower where I nibbled on a couple bites of BBQ pork, carrots, cucumber and spinach dip. Then I headed to a Kentucky Derby party and drank some Water on my way over. Had 1/2 Bloody Mary but left before dinner was served. Between 5pm and bedtime I had 1/2 tamale, some cheese, another Protein Drink and some camomile tea.

I guess what I'm trying to say is there are a lot of ways to be successful, just as there are ways to fail. Everyone has to figure out what works for them.

[NothingUpMySleeve 244]

I'm not a dr, so I'm going to struggle to explain myself, but I personally believe the sleeve causes some physiological changes beyond just restriction.

For example, lots of people are much colder after the sleeve, even before they've lost weight. For me, almost immediately my palate changed and I like different flavors now. I wasn't really an emotional eater but I did like food. I still like food, and appreciate a delicious meal but it's...different.

So the sleeve won't change if you're eating for emotional reasons, but you might be surprised at the chemical changes that change your approach to food. Hope that kinda made sense...

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

Okay, and I can share yesterday's meals with you. It wasn't a spectacular day, but it was fine:

Breakfast: 2 eggs scrambled with 1-2 oz ground beef. Sounds kind of gross to me, even now, but I needed the extra Protein as I was singing all day. This is what NothingUpMySleeve is referring to: I was regarding that meal as fuel. Nothing more, nothing less. I was out of a more "palatable" meat and had some ground beef leftover from the night before.

Lunch: 1/2 a roast beef Jimmy John's sandwich at the church. Not a typical choice for me, but what was available.

Dinner: 4 ounces calamari, 1 glass red wine. 2 bites of tiramisu.

Snack: 1 oz cashews.

I ended up around 1100 calories for the day, which is typical for me. And to me, it doesn't seem like dieting, which is something Kindle referred to. It's just…life. At lunch, which was with the church staff, I was looking around. The two "naturally thin" women ate half of their sandwich and a couple of chips. The bigger people ate the whole sandwich, a bag of chips, and finished the chips that were leftover. And had a cookie. That is how I judge, sometimes, whether my mindset is in a healthy place.

[gamergirl 4,610]

I'm not a dr, so I'm going to struggle to explain myself, but I personally believe the sleeve causes some physiological changes beyond just restriction. For example, lots of people are much colder after the sleeve, even before they've lost weight. For me, almost immediately my palate changed and I like different flavors now. I wasn't really an emotional eater but I did like food. I still like food, and appreciate a delicious meal but it's...different. So the sleeve won't change if you're eating for emotional reasons, but you might be surprised at the chemical changes that change your approach to food. Hope that kinda made sense...

There is actually quite a bit of research suggesting that it is more than the restriction. Two hypotheses are one change in gut Flora. Two, changing the way your bile acids function. There's no other way to explain why people come off their meds within a week of surgery. It is a re-set of a different sort. in fact mice with simply restriction and none of the other changes did not lose weight. This makes it even more critical to not go back to eating crap like before. Surgery is a reboots to our systems, and the chance to maximize results for the rest of our lives.

[NothingUpMySleeve 244]

That's really interesting. One day they'll discover the mechanics if the whole thing, and it's not as simple as "willpower" or "calories in/calories out" or the whole thermodynamics rule that people misapply when it comes to weight loss.

[ilovenyc 0]

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies and suggestions. This has been a very difficult decision for me and one that I don't take lightly.

I am starting my liquid diet today and meeting with my Dr. on Friday. I'm going to take one day at a time and see what the few weeks bring.

After a lifetime of dieting and gaining this tool may be the answer for me to help re-start my eating habits and get away of a lifetime of food weight obsession that really limited me in so many ways. Anyway, thank you all again for taking you time to respond to my post.