Not sure how I feel about this

[James Marusek 5,244]

I never tried to keep my WLS a secret. I told everyone, even strangers on the street. In general, the reaction of most people are either curiosity or supportive. If they want to know why, I tell them it is to correct health issues. Most people congratulate me for my perseverance. I find this to be strange because the surgery enables me to loose weight rather than the will power needed to maintain a diet. But in some peoples minds they are one and the same.

I was talking to my brother in California about my surgery. He told me the following story. He said he noticed that there was a movie star living next door. So in order to satisfy his curiosity, he approached her and asked her when she moved in. She said that she had been living there for a decade and he had never noticed her. He found out that she had bariatric surgery and had lost all that weight. It was basically curiosity that drove him to start up a conversation.

[kll724 3,055]

James, that is good reason too!

[Teachamy 1,042]

Hi JustWatchMe,

I think it was my post you were talking about. Thanks so much for sharing your experience.

Even though I started out at 210, I get what you are saying. For me, I spent most of my life only slightly overweight. When I started working at my current join in 2002, I was 149 pounds. Over the years, my weight crept up and up, and my heallth deteriorated due to many autoimmune issues. I'd watch the thin, healthy people I worked with stuff themselves with doughnuts, hamburgers, and pizza everyday while I ate cabbage Soup and worked out HARD with a trainer several times a week, to no avail. In the past few years I started to worry, for the first time in my life what people were saying about my weight. Who was judging me and what were they saying? It was a new experience for me, but very painful.

So again, thanks for sharing, and I'm sorry if my post troubled you in any way!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

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Edited May 4, 2014 by JustWatchMe

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

@@Teachamy, LOL quoting text is dicey on my android. Anyway, meant to say no trouble. It was an eye opener, and I love reading your posts, so keep them coming!

[Time4Kindness 48]

For myself, I have not kept my plans for surgery a secret. I am excited and proud that I am doing something for my health and the way I feel about my weight. I have gotten nothing but support from those around me. Everyone is different I guess. If you don't want others to know about your surgery then just keep telling them your loss is due to diet and exercise, but if your losing a great deal they will probably suspect surgery anyways. Good Luck to you and Congrats on your success.

[gowalking 10,790]

Oh, I so get this thread. I've lost so much weight that people don't recognize me. Some of it is also because I'm off that damn cane thank goodness, and I no longer wear glasses, my hair is much shorter, and I'm wearing makeup again. But really....they don't know who I am. My own son says he is thrown every time I get off the train and he doesn't recognize the person who gets off.

People at work have walked right past me without knowing it's me. A co-worker even asked my name after I got on the elevator with her after I said hello to her. Once I reminded her of who I was, the look on her face was incredulous. It's both wonderful and very off-putting because it makes me wonder who I am. I know I've changed...but how much? I hope I'm the same person I was, just a little better. I do know that I'm more outgoing with strangers. Just chatting and such but still, it's not something I did before.

Even a good friend of mine told me yesterday that she can't help but stare at me because I've changed so much. Again...it's nice to hear yet what I also hear is I've changed so much because I was so very heavy and now I'm not. There's one girl at work who likes to hear the numbers. I know she doesn't realize I don't like it but she's very good to me so I let it go. But it's true...I don't like to tell people it's 120+ pounds. It's embarrassing.

Just shows that reaching goal weight does not mean you've come to the end of your journey.

Edited May 4, 2014 by gowalking

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Thanks to all who responded.

It's so individual. I might have made a different disclosure choice when I was younger. But I've been through a huge weight loss (130 lbs) once before, 26 years ago. It was when I was in OA, and for the reason of my 12-step privacy, I only told a few people in my social circle, and my immediate family. I was the star for a couple of years with everyone commenting and complimenting me. My life took a fast forward then as I started to date, met my husband, got married and had two kids. As the weight came back after I dropped out of OA, the shame of obesity came back with it. I was only at a normal weight range for less than two years. I call it the "bounce" syndrome. Many people in my life now only know me as fat.

What I learned that first time is that many, many people felt no reservations about giving me advice, questioning my eating plan, commenting all the time about how I looked in this outfit, that outfit, how my neck looked, my arms, my ass, etc. And don't get me started on how many people were judgmental about the 12-step program 26 years ago (including my husband, who called it brainwashing), and asking, "How long do you have to keep going to those meetings?"

And always asking how much now? What's the total now? Granted, it was mostly family doing this. But in retrospect, I realize that I contributed to it because in the beginning, I was so happy to share the numbers. Then the numbers got really big as I was getting small, and I felt like I couldn't just be a thin person. I was forever answering people as an obese-turned-thin person.

I hope to lose this weight one last time with my band. And then I want to live as a thin person, and stop talking to outsiders about the obese person I used to be. Just let me be thin and go look at somebody else's body.

Hope this makes sense.

[gowalking 10,790]

Beautiful post. And yes...it makes perfect sense. I too just want folks to let it go and for me to stay this size so that it becomes normal and no one thinks about the fat me. I'm actually making it my business to see people who I haven't seen since the hip surgery just to get the shock and comments over with. Then hopefully, we can all move on.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

And I tried the like button on my phone for your posts, but I might have accidentally unliked some of the comments. Please know I "like" them all! Darn phone. Time for an iPhone.

[Corridor72 518]

I've never kept my surgery a secret. I actually didn't want any of my coworkers to know prior to my surgery date but had every intention of telling them afterwards. I work in the same hospital where I had my surgery and so it would've been hard to avoid having people know. The other thing that made me feel I shouldn't keep it a secret was a post a read on here a long time ago that mentioned how it feels as an obese person to hear someone else talking about weight loss and saying they've done it through diet and exercise. I know that, for me, every time I heard this from another "formerly obese" person, it made me feel like a failure. If they could do it, why couldn't I? I don't want to make anyone feel that way so if they ask, I tell them I've had WLS and that I've also made a lot of dietary changes and that I'm walking, running, and exercising more.

As for the compliments, you will eventually get used to it. In the beginning, I was surprised at the compliments and questions but I've learned to just answer their questions honestly and accept compliments gracefully and move on. Who cares that they noticed that I was huge before? I'm not huge now and they're noticing that and most people who bring it up are genuinely happy for me so I'm just enjoying the ride. My self esteem is no longer tied to what everyone else thinks about me. It is now completely related to how I see me and how I feel about me. If they see me for what I am and they love and respect me, that's great. If they don't, that's ok too.

[jamilyne 102668 1,207]

I still feel a little uncomfortable also when someone talks about my weight loss, but I'm trying to just take the compliment. I also feel a little weird because I feel that when I was overweight I never got attention. It also feels a little weird when men look at me or compliment me. (I'm happily married)

[LumpySpacePrincess 594]

I don't feel embarrassed at all to tell people I'm down over 100 pounds, and I don't think I'll be ashamed of it when I have lost the whole 175 of extra weight. What people see isn't the scale number of what you used to weigh, what they see is achievement, a strong person, and usually someone who has done something they admire because they struggle, too.

It might be helpful to look at it differently; instead of thinking "they noticed my body" its more accurate to think "they have noticed the hard work and effort I've put in."

[rhfactor272 50]

I have lost a lot of weight before as many of us have...I actually became bitter because i was treated so differently. Why am I ok to talk to now? I'm the same person I was before? I don't get it. An associate even told me "I liked you better when you were fat" after turned him down. Its amazing how different 1. People see you, and 2. How you're treated.

I like to think Im older and wiser now and my truth now? I could give 2 $#@ts what anyone says or thinks. Their opinion is none of my business, just as my decisions are none of theirs.

I'm days away from my insurance approval and ready to set my surgery date. Im ready and waiting. I will have no bitterness this time around...only happiness for my health and quality of life. Im not aiming to please anyone but myself & if my friends and family are with me...all the better. If not, life has a way of working itself out. I wish everyone the best and to embrace happiness instead of reaction. This is my plan.

[RNBSN786 206]

I am and have been open about my gastric bypass surgery to people. For me it's important to educate people on how hard it is for a lot of us to lose weight and we have tried many many many times and it has not worked. And what we are doing is taking care of our health issues and not just weight loss. As I tell people I rather take lots of Vitamins vs taking meds for bp, dm2, pcos, etc etc...and I have gotten a lot of support from family, friends, colleagues etc. Plus I work in the medical field so I want to also teach my patients to be healthier, just like what I have done for myself. Also WLS is not a quick weight loss, it's a tool to help us get to our goals which a lot of people don't understand. So why not teach them? And the reason why insurances cover the WLS because they don't want to pay for long term health issues like kidney failure, cardiac issues, liver problems, etc. So best for insurances to pay now vs a ton of money later. I was not ashamed of my weight before nor am I now but I did go through this surgery for myself so I am accountable for my intake, I don't have to worry about health issues anymore, and I can feel sexy again. And I am very proud of the steps I have taken and the changes that are happening in my life for the positive...At least that's my take on it...