Not sure how I feel about this

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Yesterday I got a call from a female VP on my floor who noticed I've lost weight. (I haven't told anyone except my mom, daughters, husband and best friend about my banding.) In my own department, I work with mostly men, and they don't notice or don't care. Only one male coworker noticed I've been bringing my lunch, and I shrugged it off, saying I had to "get healthy, doctor's orders". That was enough for him. But this phone call yesterday threw me off guard.

I guess I should have been prepared for her comment, but I don't see a big difference in the mirror to my own eyes yet. I do acknowledge that I'm wearing my smaller clothes again, but nothing dramatic.

I saw my MIL and BIL yesterday after weeks have gone by, and neither of them noticed any difference. My WLS skeptic husband hasn't said a word about how I look. My younger daughter saw me at Easter and said she could see it in my face, and my BFF and my mom have also both been complimentary. But at work, I wasn't prepared.

Forgive me for not remembering who said this recently, but I read a post on these boards about two days ago that I needed to see. The gist of it was that in the early stages of weight loss, it's a bit of a thrill to answer folks who ask how much you've lost... 20, 30,..60. But for the morbidly obese, one day that answer can become 140, 150.... and the novelty has worn off, and you can feel people doing the math in their heads.

That post got to me. I deliberately didn't tell people at work and extended family about my banding because I didn't want to be watched, to be analyzed, to be quizzed, to be whispered about. But eventually the weight loss itself will trigger questions. And yesterday it did for me.

The VP was nice, and asked if I've been losing weight. "Yeah, a bit. Gotta get healthy - ugh!" "What are you doing?" "Walking the treadmill every day, eating less. It's a drag sometimes, but what can you do?" "Well, good for you. You can tell." "Thanks, that's nice of you."

I hung up the phone and I was literally shaking. It's started. I need to get a game plan so I'm not rattled and caught off-guard like that. There was nothing bad about it at all, but I felt watched, and now I feel like I'm being observed. My instinct was to downplay it and end the conversation. I feel good about that, but it's a matter of time before someone else mentions it I guess.

Interestingly, I have no guilt about not mentioning the band, which I never intend to do, because this 52 pounds all came off before my first band fill this week. So I feel like my band has only been helping me out for the last couple of days. I do walk my treadmill faithfully and I do eat less. That wasn't what unnerved me. It's that somebody noticed my body. As an obese woman, I lived in denial for years that even though I was large, I was somehow invisible. Yet yesterday somebody reminded me that no, they can see me.

And if they noticed I'm smaller, they earlier noticed I was pretty big.

So my first compliment from a stranger left me a little shaken. Can anybody relate?

[chasingadream 1,311]

It is a bit unsettling especially when you go unnoticed for so long (at least thats my experience).

I think that was my initial dilemma…at 280 pounds no one was commenting on how I looked EVER and now that i've lost 92 pounds it runs the range of wow, you're skinny…you're not losing anymore are you….you look like a different person (that one always gets me)…do I really look that different!

Today, I was picking up my son at our elementary school and another mom who i've spoken to a few times actually stopped to walk with me and commented on my weight loss….and was very chatty. I thanked her for the nice compliment and the conversation was nice but a little piece of me thought….she never stopped to chat when I was 280 pounds.

Its just different now that I am thinner…its good just different.

I work in an elementary school and everyone wants to know the secret to my success and are very complimentary with the comments. Very few people know of my WLS and the rest I tell them just like you did….getting healthy--high Protein, low carbs, lots of walking.

Its hard to take the compliments easily…but its coming easier and easier these days.

Some days its nice to hear and others I just wish everyone would go about their OWN business!

You will learn to just answer with ease and move on with your day. As your weight loss becomes greater and greater and the results are even more visible they ail come in fast and furious…having a little bag of responses will make it easier.

I've learned to smile, say thank you, feel how nice the compliment was and move on…you will too!

[Fussythe1 6]

Congrats to you. I think you handled it beautifully.

[Texasmeg 568]

I get it. I've gotten a lot of comments at work and it's always hard to know how to respond. Some of them are a little over the top. To those that are struggling themselves and seem to be upset with themselves for not being able to do the same thing, I have privately "confessed". To everyone else, I say that I am eating high Protein and exercising.

[Wallflower7522 328]

I've not even secretive about my surgery, but I've certainly not told a ton of people at work. I expected the comments to be nonstop, but it's not been as bad as I thought it would be. Someone I don't know very well yesterday said "oh such and such was saying how you look like you've lost so much weight." And that was a little weird because that means people I don't know where talking about me.

I think it's hard to hear compliments sometimes because they can almost feel like an insult to our former selves. They say "Oh you look so good, your face is so much thinner" and you hear "you looked horrible before and had a fat face." Just remember 90% of the time that's not what people are saying. Most people are just genuinely happy for you.

[dreamscometrue 262]

Yesterday I got a call from a female VP on my floor who noticed I've lost weight. (I haven't told anyone except my mom, daughters, husband and best friend about my banding.) In my own department, I work with mostly men, and they don't notice or don't care. Only one male coworker noticed I've been bringing my lunch, and I shrugged it off, saying I had to "get healthy, doctor's orders". That was enough for him. But this phone call yesterday threw me off guard. I guess I should have been prepared for her comment, but I don't see a big difference in the mirror to my own eyes yet. I do acknowledge that I'm wearing my smaller clothes again, but nothing dramatic. I saw my MIL and BIL yesterday after weeks have gone by, and neither of them noticed any difference. My WLS skeptic husband hasn't said a word about how I look. My younger daughter saw me at Easter and said she could see it in my face, and my BFF and my mom have also both been complimentary. But at work, I wasn't prepared. Forgive me for not remembering who said this recently, but I read a post on these boards about two days ago that I needed to see. The gist of it was that in the early stages of weight loss, it's a bit of a thrill to answer folks who ask how much you've lost... 20, 30,..60. But for the morbidly obese, one day that answer can become 140, 150.... and the novelty has worn off, and you can feel people doing the math in their heads. That post got to me. I deliberately didn't tell people at work and extended family about my banding because I didn't want to be watched, to be analyzed, to be quizzed, to be whispered about. But eventually the weight loss itself will trigger questions. And yesterday it did for me. The VP was nice, and asked if I've been losing weight. "Yeah, a bit. Gotta get healthy - ugh!" "What are you doing?" "Walking the treadmill every day, eating less. It's a drag sometimes, but what can you do?" "Well, good for you. You can tell." "Thanks, that's nice of you." I hung up the phone and I was literally shaking. It's started. I need to get a game plan so I'm not rattled and caught off-guard like that. There was nothing bad about it at all, but I felt watched, and now I feel like I'm being observed. My instinct was to downplay it and end the conversation. I feel good about that, but it's a matter of time before someone else mentions it I guess. Interestingly, I have no guilt about not mentioning the band, which I never intend to do, because this 52 pounds all came off before my first band fill this week. So I feel like my band has only been helping me out for the last couple of days. I do walk my treadmill faithfully and I do eat less. That wasn't what unnerved me. It's that somebody noticed my body. As an obese woman, I lived in denial for years that even though I was large, I was somehow invisible. Yet yesterday somebody reminded me that no, they can see me. And if they noticed I'm smaller, they earlier noticed I was pretty big. So my first compliment from a stranger left me a little shaken. Can anybody relate?

I can totally relate to this!!! Oh, and for the record, I saw that post the other day too and I agree... It's fun to say "oh thanks! I've lost 40 lbs" but now at 75 lbs lost, I am really embarrassed, which I didn't see that part coming. I'm in pharmaceutical sales (which is known to have the stigma of very pretty/good looking people in it ) and I'm like you... I was not prepared for my "story" that I was going to tell people. Nobody said anything until I had dropped about 45-50lbs and then out of nowhere, some of my doctors and nurses I see weekly all started the "what's your secret?" (To which I always want to respond with... Well funny story, I had 75% of my stomach removed! It works wonders!) hahaha... Anyway, in the beginning, I started to overthink it or wonder if they could tell I was lying or if they suspected I had surgery. Now, I have the same story everytime... "I've cut out sugar, carbs, caffeine and alcohol as much as possible, I lift weights 5 days a week and I run/walk a lot. All of these are true! Practice your story a few times in your car on the way to work... Keep it consistent... Also, my advice is to never give people exactly how much weight you've lost... I stopped telling numbers after about 52lbs ...I always say "oh I only weigh myself every few weeks and try not to obsess about the number but just go by how my clothes fit!" I had surgery on December 17th of this past year and if people start to ask when I started dieting, I tell them September/October so my weight loss seems more realistic. Nobody has questioned me once! Here is a before/after and here is one from last weekend.

[banana charm 12]

You look Great!

[banana charm 12]

I am new with this but I have a question. I waiting on approval from my insurance company, hoping I get thru this waiting process. I weigh 260 but I'm concerned about losing too much weight and looking sick. Is there any solution to not looking sickly?

[Recycled 2,182]

banana charm" data-cite="banana charm" data-ipsquote-timestamp="1399103882">

Is there any solution to not looking sickly?

Eat enough.

[Recycled 2,182]

Is there any solution to not looking sickly?

Eat enough.

Ok, I guess I better elaborate. But it is really just that simple. Even though I can only eat about 3 ounces at a time, I find I am able to eat that three ounces many, many times a day. I can choose to limit myself to 500 calories or eat more often and different type of foods and easily go over 2000 calories a day.

Point being, even though I am still losing and not at maintenance yet, I am quite sure I will have no difficulty stopping the weight loss. In fact, I'm quite sure I will need to continue to monitor my food intake closely even during maintenance after reaching my goal, in order to keep from gaining.

Even with the sleeve, I'm quite sure becoming too skinny will not be an issue.

[banana charm 12]

Thanks for response. This gives me assurance. Can't wait to get approval from insurance (Coventry Advantra HMO).

[music1618 879]

I am new with this but I have a question. I waiting on approval from my insurance company, hoping I get thru this waiting process. I weigh 260 but I'm concerned about losing too much weight and looking sick. Is there any solution to not looking sickly?

Also remember to take your Vitamins, and get in enough Protein and Water. Your body will figure out the rest. Typically people dip down low and then bounce back a little. I have stayed in the same 10 pound range for almost a year. People keep asking if I am still losing weight, but I think it is just my body reshaping itself.

[music1618 879]

<br> Yesterday I got a call from a female VP on my floor who noticed I've lost weight. (I haven't told anyone except my mom, daughters, husband and best friend about my banding.) In my own department, I work with mostly men, and they don't notice or don't care. Only one male coworker noticed I've been bringing my lunch, and I shrugged it off, saying I had to "get healthy, doctor's orders". That was enough for him. But this phone call yesterday threw me off guard.<br><br> I guess I should have been prepared for her comment, but I don't see a big difference in the mirror to my own eyes yet. I do acknowledge that I'm wearing my smaller clothes again, but nothing dramatic. <br><br> I saw my MIL and BIL yesterday after weeks have gone by, and neither of them noticed any difference. My WLS skeptic husband hasn't said a word about how I look. My younger daughter saw me at Easter and said she could see it in my face, and my BFF and my mom have also both been complimentary. But at work, I wasn't prepared.<br><br> Forgive me for not remembering who said this recently, but I read a post on these boards about two days ago that I needed to see. The gist of it was that in the early stages of weight loss, it's a bit of a thrill to answer folks who ask how much you've lost... 20, 30,..60. But for the morbidly obese, one day that answer can become 140, 150.... and the novelty has worn off, and you can feel people doing the math in their heads.<br><br> That post got to me. I deliberately didn't tell people at work and extended family about my banding because I didn't want to be watched, to be analyzed, to be quizzed, to be whispered about. But eventually the weight loss itself will trigger questions. And yesterday it did for me.<br><br> The VP was nice, and asked if I've been losing weight. "Yeah, a bit. Gotta get healthy - ugh!" "What are you doing?" "Walking the treadmill every day, eating less. It's a drag sometimes, but what can you do?" "Well, good for you. You can tell." "Thanks, that's nice of you."<br><br> I hung up the phone and I was literally shaking. It's started. I need to get a game plan so I'm not rattled and caught off-guard like that. There was nothing bad about it at all, but I felt watched, and now I feel like I'm being observed. My instinct was to downplay it and end the conversation. I feel good about that, but it's a matter of time before someone else mentions it I guess.<br><br> Interestingly, I have no guilt about not mentioning the band, which I never intend to do, because this 52 pounds all came off before my first band fill this week. So I feel like my band has only been helping me out for the last couple of days. I do walk my treadmill faithfully and I do eat less. That wasn't what unnerved me. It's that somebody noticed my body. As an obese woman, I lived in denial for years that even though I was large, I was somehow invisible. Yet yesterday somebody reminded me that no, they can see me. <br><br> And if they noticed I'm smaller, they earlier noticed I was pretty big.<br><br> So my first compliment from a stranger left me a little shaken. Can anybody relate?

This can be a touchy issue. I say that because our brains can make more of things than are actually there. I recently got a new job and posted on here that I wondered if my skinniness had something to do with it. Would I have gotten the job if I was still big. One of my friends DLCloggin posted and reminded me it really does not matter at the end of the day, and that thinking of it like that was a waste of time. He was right!

You make so many transformations during this process - your inner and outer self is questioned. I now love seeing someone who has not seen me in a while and the comments they make. I am proud of my decision to have this surgery. I looked at my life and realized there needed to be a change. It was not the easy way out, in fact it was harder than dieting ever could be. To tell or not to tell is a very personal decision, and keep in mind it may change as the years go by.

[Bandista 7,466]

@JustWatchMe. I know what you mean -- it's starting to happen and I'm not quite sure how to handle those moments yet. There are those deep feelings about being seen or not being seen, did you see me before and what do you really really see. Do you get me, who I really am? Interestingly, some of the people who "get me" best have not noticed the weight loss. Or at least have not really commented except for the usual, "hey, you look great" or some such. They said that before and I think after a couple of decades of being fat I am inured to comments.

I have not been able to process some complimenting me because I couldn't process myself how I could possibly be worthy and deserving after gaining so much weight. So this is something I'm working on. I put my thumb and forefinger together, breathe in and say to myself, "receive graciously."

I've had to work on receiving feedback in my creative life -- those awkward moments when you show some one a piece of art or ask them to read something you've written and there's a freezing up, a silence. It isn't in response to the work -- they haven't even had a chance to see it yet -- but they are so worried about how they are going to respond, what is expected, will they measure up, will they screw up....

I suspect people don't know how to handle complimenting because they may worried they'll do it wrong. I worry about this sometimes when I know how sensitive some one is. It's easy to see pain or embarrassment in some one's face. Do you keep on, "no really, you look amazing," etc. or don't say anything at all because you don't want that person you care about to ever feel ashamed of how they were before. So tricky! I prefer something with humor, like a well-timed "Hubba Hubba!" Bottom line, mostly people are thinking about themselves and how things relate to them. Not how we look, looked or whether we have gained/lost.

Edited May 3, 2014 by Bandista

[kll724 3,055]

That's the way I handled it too! No one needs to know about your surgery unless you tell them. My close friends and family knew, others just got the generic answer. best wishes.