June 2007 Bandsters

[TexasFire 84]

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"

"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."

"Social Security sex?"

"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

LOUD SEXA Wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor.

Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"

QUIET SEXTired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

CONFOUNDED SEXA man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said, "the cost would be $3,500 for small, $6,500 for medium, $14,000 for large."

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.

"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.

The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX

My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight."

He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

ELDERLY SEX

One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment. Killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex... He could fly."

[TexasFire 84]

SHOOT! The pics didn't print directly to the post!

[o2bthin 0]

Too funny Steph! Especially the KY one! ROFL!

I thought I'd try the Breakfast test. I had about 3/4 cup of cornflakes with milk and 1/2 a peach with no problem. The peach went down tight and I followed it with coffee and it gugled and went down, so I'm going to call about getting another fill.

The posting about NSV got me to thinking. Not clothes-related, but I have had so much more energy. I've been doing a lot of back to school shopping with my daughter, and normally my feet would give out on me, and I'd be popping motrin and wearing my orthotics and socks. I've been in my Sketcher mary janes, with no problems.

As my mom would have said, make it a great day!

[jojo7 0]

Ok you guys got me. I was a lurker and after seeing how active this thread is I decided to join. I was banded 6/11/07. I had trouble at the beginning but things are going well now. I've lost 50.5 pounds. I have a long way to go but feel like this is the tool I needed to get there. I have a 19 month old who was my motivation for doing this. I don't want to be the fat mom. I want to travel with him and show him the world. I've felt alone lately even though I have the full support of my family. I started reading the posts and said these are the people who will understand what I'm going through. Anyway, here I am.

[beckiet 0]

Welcome, jojo7. Way to go! 50.5 is wonderful!!! I have the same motivation...my 3 1/2 year old and my 23 month old.

All: Sorry I've been quiet lately. Some more than normal stress in my life this past week...but the NSV for me is that I didn't turn to food. I made it past it (my cousin's wife was killed in a tragic accident at their home). I normally would have turned to my good friends, chocolate and chips & Dip. I think part of it is this 2nd fill really seems to be helping, givine me the restriction I need.

[TexasFire 84]

HOORAY! We pulled two turtles out of their shells!

WELCOME, Beckie and JoJo! Talk to us often! We want to hear from you, and it sounds like you are doing great with your bands!

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, Beckie. I will add you to my prayer list.

[TexasFire 84]

I don't know how much I will be able to be on here for the next three weeks. Hubby gets off his plane in about two hours and will be home for three weeks (YIPPEE!), so I'm sure we will be very busy. But you all are always on my mind, and I will try to check in at least every other day...maybe more if I can. Keep posting so I can keep up with you guys!

[o2bthin 0]

Welcome Jojo and Beck. Let's get this board busy!!

Have fun with hubby Steph! :car:

[bigbaby 4]

Hey Junies....

I've been here EVERYDAY!!!!---just reading...got alot going on!!!!

Congrats to all who have had NSV!!!!

Steph--when I read your inspirational message--I could hear the voice of Joel Osteen reading it---have you heard of him? He preaches a message of good attitude and positive thinking.

Where is Toni?

Suzzie--I purchased the ingredients for the Mozarella Stuffed Turkey meatballs. Instead of mozarella, I have chipolte cheddar cheese. I'll let you know how they turn out. Do you know the nutritional value of the meatballs--serving, calories, Protein, etc.?

All--please keep me and my family in your prayers. My mother's only sister is on a ventilator (she's 65). We have decided to remove her from the ventilator this Monday. She has two adult sons. Pray for our strength during this time.

[TexasFire 84]

Hey Junies....

I've been here EVERYDAY!!!!---just reading...got alot going on!!!!

Steph--when I read your inspirational message--I could hear the voice of Joel Osteen reading it---have you heard of him? He preaches a message of good attitude and positive thinking.

All--please keep me and my family in your prayers. My mother's only sister is on a ventilator (she's 65). We have decided to remove her from the ventilator this Monday. She has two adult sons. Pray for our strength during this time.

Glad to hear you have been with us! Yes, I've heard of Joel Osteen. I have several of his books, and have attended his church several times with a friend. He's also been a guest speaker at my church (www.fellowshipchurch.com) and I enjoy him immensely.

I will be sure to add you to my prayer list. I hope your aunt finds peace and His will.

[TexasFire 84]

We have been dry as a bone and hot as heck here forever now. And TODAY the skies decide to thunder and lightning and downpour! Hubby has been stranded on the runway for hours now, trying to get home, and thy can't take off until this clears!

Just figures! AARRRGGGGHHHHH!

[Suzzzie. 3]

A few people mention not being able to eat breakfast, I usually have 1/2 of a South Beach Diet bar (high protein!) and then the other half later. I am tighter in the morning, but can always get a few bites in. I need to work on better choices!!

I had an appointment with my primary care physician last week and told her that I was banded, she was shocked but kinda excited. She said she's had patients get the bypass before, but none have had the band! So she wants to watch my progress and see if she might start recommending it to some of her patients! How exciting! Anyway, had labs drawn because I have always had issues with my blood sugar bottoming out, but its much more frequent now. Seems that I have 'insulin resistence. Grr. Thankfully I'm BANDED. Lol. So that should go away. Just think, if I didn't have the surgery when I did I may have been diabetic within a year!! Good news though, my cholesterol is only 87!!

Oh, and she also put in a consult for me to see a dietition (I can't spell??) which is awesome, cause my surgeons office really only relies on the NP to do all that stuff. So this will be a good thing. I will meet with her next wednesday...

Ok you guys got me. I was a lurker and after seeing how active this thread is I decided to join. I was banded 6/11/07. I had trouble at the beginning but things are going well now. I've lost 50.5 pounds. I have a long way to go but feel like this is the tool I needed to get there. I have a 19 month old who was my motivation for doing this. I don't want to be the fat mom. I want to travel with him and show him the world. I've felt alone lately even though I have the full support of my family. I started reading the posts and said these are the people who will understand what I'm going through. Anyway, here I am.

Welcome Jojo7!! Post often!! I have no life so I live for reading these threads! Lol!!!

Welcome, jojo7. Way to go! 50.5 is wonderful!!! I have the same motivation...my 3 1/2 year old and my 23 month old.

All: Sorry I've been quiet lately. Some more than normal stress in my life this past week...but the NSV for me is that I didn't turn to food. I made it past it (my cousin's wife was killed in a tragic accident at their home). I normally would have turned to my good friends, chocolate and chips & Dip. I think part of it is this 2nd fill really seems to be helping, givine me the restriction I need.

Hey Beckie - Sorry to hear about your cousins wife. your family will be in my prayers! And I'm really glad that you resisted the temptation of chocolate and chips!! If only I could build up a resistance to ice cream! My 2nd fill is good too.

I don't know how much I will be able to be on here for the next three weeks. Hubby gets off his plane in about two hours and will be home for three weeks (YIPPEE!), so I'm sure we will be very busy. But you all are always on my mind, and I will try to check in at least every other day...maybe more if I can. Keep posting so I can keep up with you guys!

Have a good time Ms Stef!! I'll look forward to your updates - if that hubby of yours ever gets off that runway!!

Hey Junies....

I've been here EVERYDAY!!!!---just reading...got alot going on!!!!

Suzzie--I purchased the ingredients for the Mozarella Stuffed Turkey meatballs. Instead of mozarella, I have chipolte cheddar cheese. I'll let you know how they turn out. Do you know the nutritional value of the meatballs--serving, calories, Protein, etc.?

All--please keep me and my family in your prayers. My mother's only sister is on a ventilator (she's 65). We have decided to remove her from the ventilator this Monday. She has two adult sons. Pray for our strength during this time.

Hey there bigbaby!

I don't know the nutrition facts for the meatballs, but you could easily add it up with the ingredients you are using. I post recipes on a website that will approximate calories, fat grams, etc... you can see what it says HERE. Your family will also be in my prayers. Its never easy making the decisions that must be made. I work Oncology and see the saddest cases everyday.

[LadyHR 0]

My NSV is that on a recent flight I didn't need a seat belt extender! I bought my own a few years ago so I wouldn't be embarassed to ask for one. I have decided that when I reach goal, I'm going to frame it in a shadow box with some inspirational message as a reminder of where I never want to go again!

Steph, hope your DH got home safely. I live in the area and had to drive in that awful mess today!

My standard breakfast is now 4 oz. of Activia yogurt. It is only 110 calories, helps with digestion, and is just the right amount to fill me up. I can usually go to lunch without getting hungry. And - it tastes yummy!

[TexasFire 84]

Well hubby FINALLY took off, so I'm off to DFW airport to pick him up in an hour! Have a great Friday and a fantastic weekend, y'all!

[o2bthin 0]

Hi to you too Suzzie!