How to tell new boyfriend ?

[SecretBander 79]

I had my surgery 2/4/14. I didn't tell anyone about the surgery and had it done in a other state. I have since told my parents but that's it. I'm 30 years old.

I am so happy since having the surgery. I haven't had any fills save for the 3ccs put in at surgery and am losing slowly but well. I'm down 35 lbs and close to onederland! I can eat anything but the band controls the portions. Perhaps due to my new lease on life I met an amazing guy about two months ago. I think he may be a keeper and while I'm no where ready to tell him yet I think if this goes where I'm thinking it will I will have to eventually tell him. This makes me slightly nervous. Anyone else go through this ?

[Mississippi Girl 124]

That's one of those things that are better left unsaid until you really know where your relationship is going. I know in a new relationship we are all eager to learn about them and tell them about us. However, some people think this is radical behavior to have WLS. I pray he is a keeper…if so, when the time is right to tell him you will know. It does not effect who you are as a person. It's not like you have children you're trying to hide or a whole other secret life. I've learned the hard way, when in doubt….leave it out. good luck!

Mississippi Girl!

[lisacaron 5,075]

@@SecretBander I tend to agree with @@Mississippi Girl your name implies it all sista. SecretBander be that until you know where your going with this guy. If he "asks" what's up with scars etc if you get that far you can be honest and just take it as it goes. Until then just enjoy life, and go with the flow these things have a way of working themselves out.

I'm happy for you!!

[Mikee57 699]

I concur with Lisa and Mississippi Girl, SecretBander...let your relationship move to a point where you both feel that secrets can be shared. btw CONGRATS girl you are doing AWESOME!!!

[rosettag 122]

Secretband!!!!I was thinking of you some days ago and I wondered if you were well..I'm so happy for you and the good news in your life.

Being sincere with our partners is not always necessary or advisable.You know, men come from Mars, women from Venus.There are things that belong to ourselves and ourselves only..

I wish you the best luck!!

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

Just wondering -- what do you say if you go out to eat and you get a tiny portion or don't drink during the meal? Do you get questions about that?

I'm pre-op and pre-dating but I'm trying to think ahead!

[Mississippi Girl 124]

I am a newbie as well. I told my husband but my adult children do not know. My daughter and her husband are living here right now until their home is ready to move into. I have eaten at the table with them….we've gone out to eat numerous times and I've had no questions. It's not that odd to see someone not drink. I always order a drink and save it for my thirty minutes after eating. I've always drank a lot during a meal. That's the hardest thing about this process for me. Anyway, I've learned the wonderful art of moving food around on my plate. I always get a to go box and eat my leftovers at my next meal or the next day. It's really pretty cool. My daughter always says she's proud of me for pacing myself. She does not know about my sweet little tool….my princess tummy. I was worried about the same things. I have found though, it's not an issue unless we make it one. You will do fine. Besides, sleeve or not, I've never been able to eat a lot in front of a newbie date. I always say I'm building a different relationship with food, and it's a true game changer. That's very true, I am! Good Luck!!

[lisacaron 5,075]

Just wondering -- what do you say if you go out to eat and you get a tiny portion or don't drink during the meal? Do you get questions about that?

I'm pre-op and pre-dating but I'm trying to think ahead!

There is nothing to say. Everyone has a different way of eating. You could be obvious about it or you can be nonchalant about it. Order appetizers and insist you aren't hungrier then that...or order your meal eat what you wish and bag up the rest as you are full. drinks are usually served before the meal, so enjoy your beverage while you chat and then eat your meal and stop drinking.

The eating drinking thing is not such a big deal after being banded for a bit and if you feel the need to have a sip or so after you eat your meal you can, and you can even have a coffee or tea after instead of dessert as well.

[SecretBander 79]

He has to have seen the scars but hasn't asked. I agree with you all and will keep mum for now. But yes it may come up sooner if he asks about the scars.

Also my portions are small but not tiny. Nothing that raises too many eyebrows. And I do sip during meals

[gowalking 10,790]

Smart man. He knows not to ask and he also knows that if the time/relationship is right, you'll tell him.

[new me1475 33]

I had my surgery 2/4/14. I didn't tell anyone about the surgery and had it done in a other state. I have since told my parents but that's it. I'm 30 years old. I am so happy since having the surgery. I haven't had any fills save for the 3ccs put in at surgery and am losing slowly but well. I'm down 35 lbs and close to onederland! I can eat anything but the band controls the portions. Perhaps due to my new lease on life I met an amazing guy about two months ago. I think he may be a keeper and while I'm no where ready to tell him yet I think if this goes where I'm thinking it will I will have to eventually tell him. This makes me slightly nervous. Anyone else go through this ?

I think it's to early to let him, hold off for awhile until you are really comfortable with him.

[Leena 108]

I'd tell him. Hiding something like that isn't a good idea. If he leaves because of it, well he leaves. Not being honest about it or trying to hide it isnt a good idea. Sooner or later he's going to catch on. If things are getting serious he should know. What if you're out together & get stuck? Have an accident? End up in the ER? Do you want him to find out in an emergency situation? Or from you in a calm normal conversation? What's your fear? I've always been up front about medical issues. And expect my partners to be the same.

[SecretBander 79]

I feel like I jinxed myself by starting this thread. He asked me last night about the scars . I made a joke about it but he asked again later in the night during some pillow talk. I was kind of in shock and told him it was from a surgery. He said he gathered that much and wanted to know what kind. I lied and told him appendicitis.

I was then up all night regretting my answer and have had multiple crying episodes today thinking about it. I don't like the idea of this terrible deed staining my fresh new relationship that is so wonderful.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

I hope things continue to go well for you and your sweetie, when the time comes I would keep it casual, something like "I was struggling with a weight problem for x amount of time, and my Dr. and I decided that wls was a good idea, so I had it done and its been very good for me combined with healthy small meals and exercise ! " Keep it short and sweet , unless he ask's for more info. Good luck !

[Leena 108]

Lying is no way to be in a relationship. And if you're lying to stay in a relationship with someone it might not be the right relationship for you. Would you want him to lie to you about something? Would you stay if he lied?

If the relationship is that great and wonderful and you see it going somewhere and having a future together that lie you told is going to linger over you.

If he was "the one" he would take your wls in stride. If not, well he knows where the door is.

The only way to even redeem yourself here is to tell him the truth immediately. And then let the chips fall where they may.

Fyi: a lot of bandsters will have their ports protrude as they get close to goal. I know mine looked like a bump under my skin. So, if you choose to continue to lie about it you better come up for a reason you have a port sized lump under your skin.

People's reactions to the truth may be difficult to take, but it sure beats their reactions to being lied to.