Dealing with family/friends

[camper-girl 21]

Hey there,

I have a dilemia, I am ready to have my surgery.. June 2 I will be sleeved!!! And I am travelling alone.

I have been debating this for a very long time.. Like 5 years long.... Been the "fluffy" sister/friend/daughter/cousin/inlaw for the last 15years.

problem is I don't know how to tell anyone I am having the surgery, let alone having it done in Mexico. Which I am completely fine with.

I want to tell someone, anyone cause this is a big life altering event , and kinda scary, (regardless of where I have it done)and I would really love to talk to someone, even would love to have my mom come with me, as she told me she would if I was having a Tummy Tuck (cause she beleives it is all in my head and it is just a matter of will power).

Has anyone dealt with this with a positive outcome?

or should I just resolve that it would be better to have it done and just tell them about it after the fact?

[GoldnGirl6677 62]

Hey there, I have a dilemia, I am ready to have my surgery.. June 2 I will be sleeved!!! And I am travelling alone. I have been debating this for a very long time.. Like 5 years long.... Been the "fluffy" sister/friend/daughter/cousin/inlaw for the last 15years. problem is I don't know how to tell anyone I am having the surgery, let alone having it done in Mexico. Which I am completely fine with. I want to tell someone, anyone cause this is a big life altering event , and kinda scary, (regardless of where I have it done)and I would really love to talk to someone, even would love to have my mom come with me, as she told me she would if I was having a Tummy Tuck (cause she beleives it is all in my head and it is just a matter of will power). Has anyone dealt with this with a positive outcome? or should I just resolve that it would be better to have it done and just tell them about it after the fact?

Hey camper girl - Can't tell you what to do - but what I did was think about, what if I had a rough time coming out (not saying you will at all) who would be the best support person for me. I got down to my son, my partner and my Mum. I went with my Mum. I knew one person would be plenty and went with the person who could both deal with issues if they came up and also give me comfort. No serious complications for me thank goodness, but I was really happy to have her hold my hand and stroke my forehead and check nurses were looking after me ( my nurses were awesome) good to know someone of mine was there. Maybe I'm just a sook lol!

[MissME 45]

Hey Camper-Girl,

When I scheduled my surgery I told everyone. I told my family and friends that I was having this surgery because I need the extra help to lose weight so that I can be healthy and regain my self confidence. I am usually a self sacrificing person who puts others needs before my own but on this issue I had to let my friends and family know that this was me taking care of myself and ensuring that I was going to be successful this time.

I am not saying that you have to tell everyone, but tell someone. Tell them in such a way that there is no doubt in their mind that you are making the right decision for yourself and that they should support you 100%.

-MissME

[JeanZ_RN 378]

I totally agree with MissME. Tell at least 1-2 people, and be firm that you have made your decision. That said, be aware that it may take some time for them to accept your decision. Allow -- no, encourage them to ask you questions, read up on the procedure, etc. It's ok if they are scared for you, and they should understand you may be scared too -- but that doesn't mean you're going to change your mind.

Go for it! You will find that this site is WONderful for finding information, opinions and support. Best wishes.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

We told 4 people but we had each other, 2 weeks apart. Please talk to your Mother. As stated, be firm in your resolve that you are doing this. Let her get prepared to go with you.

[O-Town Body Rock 148]

I only told my husband. I heard enough opinions & negativity from family and friends when I was jumping through hoops for my insurance company 7 months ago. Since I already knew how they felt, I did not feel the need to tell them anything about my surgery in Mexico. I did not want anyone to go with me. I went alone and prayed the whole time I was there. I THANK GOD that I did not have any complications, etc.

On my way to the airport to return home, I giggled to myself because I am known as the crazy, wildcard, unpredictable friend/family member that will one day get a crazy idea in her head and the next day act on it. If they only knew...!

Anyway, bottom line is, do what makes you comfortable. If they are going to cause stress for you, than please reconsider having them involved. It is all about you!! You do not need to be worrying about other people.

One evening, I had a slight pain in my incision and was whining about it and my husband made a smart @$$ comment saying "uh uh, don't whine now, you did this to yourself!" If I couldve lifted my fat leg high enough to kick him in the mouth, I would've!!

[camper-girl 21]

Thanks for all the words of wisdom.

I finally decided to tell my mother. With promise that she won't tell any one till after the surgery. She did have some questions but more like how I decided or why so soon. Also getting a little upset that I would have even thought not to tell her.

AND she has decided to come with me!

She had gone to Mexico for a tt Lipo, boob job and a full set of venere's (sp?) she went alone and I was upset, mind you in my mind her surgeries where much more involved. And she doesn't come out of anathesgia (sp?) well

Either way she has been told, and I now have a travel companion!! My mom says it's paying it forward, I have cared for her thru 8 surgery recovery now it's her turn.

[O-Town Body Rock 148]

Thats great!! You are very blessed to have a mother like that!!

[GoldnGirl6677 62]

I'm glad you will now have someone with you. - Best wishes and a speedy recovery :-)

[camper-girl 21]

Well... With recent events I am now travelling alone again, but at least she is upset about the surgery, just when I am having it.

[Kindle 8,667]

I told my sister about my surgery because I wanted her to come with me. I didn't want to tell my parents because I didn't want to worry them and have to deal with all their questions. But my sister talked me into telling them because she knew they would be very upset to find out later. (Honestly I just think she didn't want to get in trouble for not telling them herself;)). Turns out they were totally supportive. Freaked out at first, of course (especially the Mexico part) but I shared all my research and even links to these forums so they could read about it for themselves. Even though my dad kept asking "have you changed your mind yet?", they never tried to stop me or make me feel bad about my decision. Love my mom and dad!

Campergirl good luck with your travels and surgery...I have read only good things about Dr. Quinones.

[GoldnGirl6677 62]

Well... With recent events I am now travelling alone again, but at least she is upset about the surgery, just when I am having it.

Well we will have you in our thoughts - so you have some long distance support x

[Ashl3yOh 10]

I had a lot of reservations about telling anyone, except my mom, and my cousin who is going with me. As my surgery date gets closer I gave been more comfortable sharing with some close friends. I even told my boyfriend (even though I was embarrassed but he was really supportive). My therapist had encouraged me to share, as she felt that if I was not telling people because I was ashamed, that it was because I was judging myself and not because my friends/family were actually going to judge me. I have to say she was right. I feel better being honest (only with those close enough to really care). Everyone was excited for me, and it felt good to share that excitement.

[Sassypants92201 76]

I am also nervous to tell anyone but, most importantly, my 22 year old son. He's a Mama's boy and he is very protective of me. He also will not understand why I can't just lose the weight on my own like I have before (up and down for 20 years). Kanye West's Mother passed during a surgery (not in Mexico, mind you) and this is all he can think of when it comes to me having any surgery.

I will have to tell him and was already planning to tell a few other people but this will be a difficult conversation. I almost want to wait until it's over...

[cbenelli 1]

Hi Camper-girl,

I had my surgery 2 days after Christmas in 2013, the only people who knew were my son and my husband. I did have my husband with me for the surgery in Mexico but know I could have done it alone. My girlfriend went all by herself to the same doctor in Mexico and never told anyone. I only told two of my best friends when I got home and I am now almost 5 months out and still haven't told anyone else, this is my business and I don't think they would understand why I went to Mexico much less why I had the surgery. I wanted this surgery for my health, I was on so much medication that I had to do something. Even 50lbs over weight was killing me. Find one person that you trust more than anyone else, someone who won't judge you and will support you during and after the surgery. You'll do fine, just go for it.

Edited May 11, 2014 by cbenelli