What I let grief do to me.

[redhighheels 1]

I've told myself a million times I would never have bariatric surgery. I work in a hospital that does the procedures, I admit the patients have the surgery. I thought they were taking the easy way out, it's cheating. I lost 50 lbs on Weight Watchers, and going to the gym religioulsy. My mom passed away unexpectedly and my boyfriend was diagnosed with kidney failure all in the same week, right before Christmas 2010. I was beyond devestated, I know why people drink or take drugs. If you can have 1 minute of peace or semblence of your old life you would do anything to escape. I was afraid to drink, I may not stop. So I ate pretty much whatever I wanted. I never considerd myself a emotional eater, I still don't. As my clothes no longer started to fit, I bought yoga pants. This has been my staple wardrobe for the last 4 years. I didn't care how I looked anyway. Slowly the inablity to sit on low furniture became a problem, my knees hurt going up stairs. We went to Disney World Orlando in January of this year, I could barely fit into some of the rides. And then the worst part, I have sleep apnea! My grandmother was diagnosed with sleep apnea in her late 70's, im 45!!! I tried going back to WW, it's not so easy this time around. It was'nt easy 5 years ago either I really had to work at losing the weight. I didn't have the challenges I have now, I currently weigh 245 lbs. I have never weighed this much. And what a difference in my body and not for the good. Now that im a little more clearhead, i am so angry at what I have done to myself. But also for what I am doing to my loved ones, they couldn't bear another loss so soon. I decided to have Gastric Bypas, this is because in my experience, its what seems to work the best. Im not telling anyone, not my family not even my very best friend. I guess im maybe ashamed, letting everyone down. Maybe im wrong and they would support my decision. My best friend, that may change the relationship. We woman don't want our friends to be prettier than us or skinnier bottem line end of story. No matter how close or how long we have been friends, subconciously we are all competitive. Im not worried about my relationship with my boyfriend or the emotions that come after a huge weightloss that may affect some people. I just want to walk upstairs without my knees killing me and to get that stupid face mask off in order to stay breathing during sleep. And because I need a break, something to give me an advantage. I have been struggling with grief and the aftermath of a parents death. Im just waiting for a phone call from the bari clinic.

[BeagleLover 1,020]

I really relate to what you are saying. You've been through tough times-- I can't think of a many sorrows in life that compare with having a parent die. You've had a 2nd trauma with your boyfriend. Please don't be hard on yourself for not "keeping control"-- who could? I hope things go better for you. Best wishes.

I've told myself a million times I would never have bariatric surgery. I work in a hospital that does the procedures, I admit the patients have the surgery. I thought they were taking the easy way out, it's cheating. I lost 50 lbs on Weight Watchers, and going to the gym religioulsy. My mom passed away unexpectedly and my boyfriend was diagnosed with kidney failure all in the same week, right before Christmas 2010. I was beyond devestated, I know why people drink or take drugs. If you can have 1 minute of peace or semblence of your old life you would do anything to escape. I was afraid to drink, I may not stop. So I ate pretty much whatever I wanted. I never considerd myself a emotional eater, I still don't. As my clothes no longer started to fit, I bought yoga pants. This has been my staple wardrobe for the last 4 years. I didn't care how I looked anyway. Slowly the inablity to sit on low furniture became a problem, my knees hurt going up stairs. We went to Disney World Orlando in January of this year, I could barely fit into some of the rides. And then the worst part, I have sleep apnea! My grandmother was diagnosed with sleep apnea in her late 70's, im 45!!! I tried going back to WW, it's not so easy this time around. It was'nt easy 5 years ago either I really had to work at losing the weight. I didn't have the challenges I have now, I currently weigh 245 lbs. I have never weighed this much. And what a difference in my body and not for the good. Now that im a little more clearhead, i am so angry at what I have done to myself. But also for what I am doing to my loved ones, they couldn't bear another loss so soon. I decided to have Gastric Bypas, this is because in my experience, its what seems to work the best. Im not telling anyone, not my family not even my very best friend. I guess im maybe ashamed, letting everyone down. Maybe im wrong and they would support my decision. My best friend, that may change the relationship. We woman don't want our friends to be prettier than us or skinnier bottem line end of story. No matter how close or how long we have been friends, subconciously we are all competitive. Im not worried about my relationship with my boyfriend or the emotions that come after a huge weightloss that may affect some people. I just want to walk upstairs without my knees killing me and to get that stupid face mask off in order to stay breathing during sleep. And because I need a break, something to give me an advantage. I have been struggling with grief and the aftermath of a parents death. Im just waiting for a phone call from the bari clinic.

[Nancy E. 44]

Hi Redhighheels,

You have been through a lot. I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad that you are finally putting your needs and emotions first. As you said, your loved ones need you, and to be here for them you need to be healthy.

I too use the dreaded C-pap (mine is a bi-pap) with oxygen. I was told with surgery I wouldn't need it anymore. I cannot wait for the day I say good bye to that miserable piece of equipment!!

If your best friend is a true friend she will be happy for you, that you are taking the steps necessary to become healthy. Do this FOR YOU!

I wish you much luck and success. I know you can do it so be strong and hang in there. Do you have a surgery date yet?

[Wallflower7522 328]

I was really worried about telling my best friend. She is very self conscious about her weight( who isn't). We both have always been heavy but she lost quite a bit of weight and then started gaining it back. I didn't give her enough credit though, she has been very supportive. She even gave me a bunch of her smaller clothes.

[shmily 424]

I hear you. After my first husband of 32 years was killed, I crawled into a bottle. I just didn't want to FEEL.

Mine was booze, yours was food, stop beating yourself up for it and do what you have to do. Believe me, it ISN'T the EASY way out. Hugs to you!!

[BeagleLover 1,020]

I've told myself a million times I would never have bariatric surgery. I work in a hospital that does the procedures, I admit the patients have the surgery. I thought they were taking the easy way out, it's cheating. I lost 50 lbs on Weight Watchers, and going to the gym religioulsy. My mom passed away unexpectedly and my boyfriend was diagnosed with kidney failure all in the same week, right before Christmas 2010. I was beyond devestated, I know why people drink or take drugs. If you can have 1 minute of peace or semblence of your old life you would do anything to escape. I was afraid to drink, I may not stop. So I ate pretty much whatever I wanted. I never considerd myself a emotional eater, I still don't. As my clothes no longer started to fit, I bought yoga pants. This has been my staple wardrobe for the last 4 years. I didn't care how I looked anyway. Slowly the inablity to sit on low furniture became a problem, my knees hurt going up stairs. We went to Disney World Orlando in January of this year, I could barely fit into some of the rides. And then the worst part, I have sleep apnea! My grandmother was diagnosed with sleep apnea in her late 70's, im 45!!! I tried going back to WW, it's not so easy this time around. It was'nt easy 5 years ago either I really had to work at losing the weight. I didn't have the challenges I have now, I currently weigh 245 lbs. I have never weighed this much. And what a difference in my body and not for the good. Now that im a little more clearhead, i am so angry at what I have done to myself. But also for what I am doing to my loved ones, they couldn't bear another loss so soon. I decided to have Gastric Bypas, this is because in my experience, its what seems to work the best. Im not telling anyone, not my family not even my very best friend. I guess im maybe ashamed, letting everyone down. Maybe im wrong and they would support my decision. My best friend, that may change the relationship. We woman don't want our friends to be prettier than us or skinnier bottem line end of story. No matter how close or how long we have been friends, subconciously we are all competitive. Im not worried about my relationship with my boyfriend or the emotions that come after a huge weightloss that may affect some people. I just want to walk upstairs without my knees killing me and to get that stupid face mask off in order to stay breathing during sleep. And because I need a break, something to give me an advantage. I have been struggling with grief and the aftermath of a parents death. Im just waiting for a phone call from the bari clinic.

Your post really stuck with me... how are you doing?

[Baconville 578]

I think if we polled all that have had this done, we would find that for the majority there was a life event that put us over the top (so to speak). For me, it began when my son was diagnosed with Autism at age 3. A very difficult time, believe me. Now my son is a Junior in high school and doing great. He will graduate with his class next year and go on to post secondary education. But my weight had become completely out of control. I joined the YMCA thinking that if I started making better food choices and exercising regularly I could get back in control - oh was it a wake up call when I discovered that I couldn't exercise any more! If I put in 20 minutes on the treadmill, my knees and back hurt so badly that I was down for a several days to a week after. Without exercise, making better food choices just didn't help enough and the scale continued to climb. Surgery was my best option. It has been the best decision that I ever made. BUT IT IS NOT EASY! This too takes a lot of work and dedication. You must follow the plan, exercise EVERY DAY, and find a way to deal with the temptations and head hunger that will be there.

When making a change like this having a good support system is critical. Without my husband and son on board I would never have had the success that I have had. I also had my co-workers on board with me - and they have also been a great support system. As are the people that I have met on this site. You will need that support, don't shut yourself off from it. True friends and those that love you will want you to be healthier.

Finally, I want to say that I now work out nearly every day - and not just 20 minutes on a treadmill. I go for 2 mile walks at lunch, do Zumba twice a week and a kick-boxing class. I also do a weight lifting class. I still put in time on the treadmill or an elliptical. I can move again! I don't have pain! And the dreaded C-PAP is gone. The hard work is definately worth it.

Best of luck!

Carol

[kimquilts55 18]

I've told my family and they are all super supportive, but have not told my co-workers who I am actually very close to. They have talked very negatively about the procedure, they know someone who had the procedure and got got a bowel obstruction and almost died....so that is where they are coming from.....all 6 of us are overweight....some more than others...we've done diets together and gone off diets together....not sure if it's support or co-dependence....lol. It's to the point that my health continues to get worse and I'm not going to be around to enjoy retirement in 3 years if something doesn't change....I will be telling them in the next few weeks....but I'm nervous about the reaction.

[BeagleLover 1,020]

Kimquilts55, Do you happen to know when the bowel obstruction happened? There have been great strides in bariatric surgery. My understanding is that it's relatively safe.

[kimquilts55 18]

this procedure was done about 10 years ago, in one of my appointments they said bowel obstruction was a slightly less than 1% risk of all abdominal surgeries.....that is more than relatively safe in my book. But it is still the reason for the negativity...I'll be armed with facts....I have a higher chance of dying from heart disease or complications of diabetes.....that is a true fact!

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

It's interesting how anything negative that happens after surgery tends to be blamed on the surgery. I had a bowel obstruction a few years ago and spent a week in the hospital. Certain it wasn't related to the surgery because I'm preop! lol

My GI doc at the time told me that it was probably related to having c-sections -- scar tissue -- but that sometimes it just occurs and they can't ever figure out why.

Once you've done your research and made the best decision you and your doctor can agree on, just go for it.

[rome 156]

I will concur with others; this is definately the easy way out! I was not going to tell anyone except my boyfriend. Then I decided that I would tell my parents. I was nervous, thought that they would tell me, "You just need to stop eating the wrong stuff etc" After I told them it was a tool and I needed it to help me stop overeating they understood and have been very supportive. I told them that I wish my sister (who struggles with alcoholism) had a physical tool such as this to give her a headstart. I think they realize that my food addiction is as real as my sisters alcoholism and that I am going to do whatever necessary to abolish it!

I say all this to say, don't let fear or shame keep you from sharing your decision. You may be surprised at how supportive they would/will be about your decision. I am glad that I took the risk/chance and shared it with my parents. I know my boyfriend feels better about it too (didn't want to be my only source of support).

Whatever you decide, best of luck and congratulations on your decision to become the best you you can be!!