An Alien Has Taken Over My Reflection

[Folly 308]

I'm finding the physical changes a little more drastic that I at first imagined. I'm struggling with this dismorphic meltdown stuff. I feel tiny. I reach for clothes hopelessly too large and my reflection is of a droopy-skinned large person. Aaaaaaah! Anyone else?

[able2cope 193]

The skin situation is definitely taking some getting used to! I am enjoying the fact that a lot, ok, all of my clothes have outgrew me! meanwhile My purse isn't enjoying it quite so much, but I'm finding a lot of things in sales, so its not quite as bad as it could have been.

Love being able to go in to new types of stores too!

[Mrs Havelock 154]

A year out and I still struggle with the physical changes. I think I won't fit into a chair, buy clothes that are way too big and wonder who the thin person walking next to my husband in reflections is!

[JanetPRN 496]

I work in a building with TONS of reflective glass windows. At 7 months , I still do not recognize my own reflection! It freaks me out at times. I am not convinced that I will not stop seeing the fat lady in my home mirror , though. Strange times...

[Texasmeg 568]

I reached way back in my closet yesterday for some clothes I thought might fit now (though I thought I was still too big) and tried them on. I was swimming in them and there is no way I could wear them out!

[Folly 308]

I suppose we all have this new self to get used to. The more drastic the change, the bigger the sticker shock. I find I'm so lost in the process sometimes that I forget that there are other things about me that are signficant to others. I used to identify myself as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, professional, dog owner, dry wit, sometimes author, oenophile, gourmet cook, lover, avid crocheter, rocker chick... lately it seems like I only identify with being a person who is losing weight.

I'm still hitting milestones and they don't go unnoticed. My car used to be too small, now the steering wheel doesn't touch my tummy. I can sit in a booth at restaurants now. Etc, etc, etc. I'm ready to just be one with it all and get back to being me but it seems like I've lost the way. Any thoughts?

[NothingUpMySleeve 244]

Folly, I totally feel ya. I somehow feel like having a sleeve is my fulltime job. Not because it's difficult, just because it's always on my mind. Sometimes it makes me feel a little adrift.

[able2cope 193]

That's the way I felt too - and still do a lot of the time and i'm almost 19 months out! I used to go from one meal to the other, wondering what I would have... now I go from one meal to the other wondering what I CAN have...

[Folly 308]

The last few months have been among the most personally difficult of my life. As I truly and finally let go of the romance with food I learned that food was never the drug or addiction I thought it was. Food was the distraction, the drug and the addiction was the obesity itself. I found separation and safety from the pain and trauma of my youth as well as the disappointments and fears of my adulthood in being surrounded by a wall of warm, numbing fat. No one could reach me there where I was trapped and unhealthy. I was so numb I wasn't really very unhappy, just existing.

I have discovered all the stuff I denied, avoided, was dishonest about or refused to deal with on the way up to 449 lbs was waiting, compounding interest, to be dealt with on the way back down.

Finally, starting to reach an equilibrium with emotions, relationships, boundaries, and all the good, bad and in between stuff that make me who I am. The conflicts and fears are still there but some days the joy and happiness wins. I hope people know going in that the greater the external transformation is, the more you have to work on the internal stuff. It isn't all a trip to the mall for new cthes folks.

Peace

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Whoa!

[Folly 308]

I spent half the night reading through posts about the physical transformation people go through. Am I the only one who has found it emotionally and psycologically painful? (Necessary, ultimately cleansing and very worthwhile) but not an easy or always happy journey.

No one seems to be talking about it.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@Folly, my psychological / emotional journey since WLS has been a happy one thus far, not painful.

So far.

That doesn't mean it's been linear or simple. And it certainly is not over.

And goodness knows, I'm one of those folks who could easily make everything around me about me.

But, as I said, so far it's been more than pleasant.

The great bulk of my WLS misery was the misery I felt PRIOR to WLS. I was not in the least bit comfy or numbed in my obesity. I was on fire with emotional agony about it, in addition to the physical pain and disabilities I had due to weighing 85 pounds more than is healthy for me.

Ann

[liz1157 0]

Hi i had the surgery 3 weeks ago and i already lost 20 pounds i just wanted to know if any body had it around that time

[Hetera 44]

Folly, I'm not even scheduled for surgery yet (self pay), but I think about these things -having been fat/overweight most of my life, well frankly all of my life, to one extent or another, I pretty much define myself as a "fat" person. The jolly, joking, apologetic, please like me, funny girl. I weigh now about 280, i'm 5'9" tall, and luckily I carry my weight better than a lot of sorter women, and I am an opera singer. I bounced around 240-255 lbs for a long time, and I carried it off (I was "zaftig"), but this last 30 lbs has really taken its toll on my knees, feet, back, and breathing. I often wonder, and worry, about how I will feel, if I will even feel like myself, if I lose 125 pounds, or so. I'll still be insecure about my body, about whether people like me or not, about whether I'm good enough, whatever that means. In my mind, I have always slept being overweight hold me back, I'm not sure if we've used it as an excuse, but I know that it is contributed to myinsecurities, and low self-esteem. And those things and held me back from doing what I want to do, and being more like the kind of person I want to be. I just so strongly identified with being fat that I don't know what to think, who will be if I'm not fat? And how will it be, not being able to just feed myself, to numb the bad, sad, mad emotions?

So answer your question, I think some people do struggle with these identity issues. I look forward to reading more of your posts, and hearing your insights and observations.

Take care.

[Folly 308]

Folly, I'm not even scheduled for surgery yet (self pay), but I think about these things -having been fat/overweight most of my life, well frankly all of my life, to one extent or another, I pretty much define myself as a "fat" person. The jolly, joking, apologetic, please like me, funny girl. I weigh now about 280, i'm 5'9" tall, and luckily I carry my weight better than a lot of sorter women, and I am an opera singer. I bounced around 240-255 lbs for a long time, and I carried it off (I was "zaftig"), but this last 30 lbs has really taken its toll on my knees, feet, back, and breathing. I often wonder, and worry, about how I will feel, if I will even feel like myself, if I lose 125 pounds, or so. I'll still be insecure about my body, about whether people like me or not, about whether I'm good enough, whatever that means. In my mind, I have always slept being overweight hold me back, I'm not sure if we've used it as an excuse, but I know that it is contributed to myinsecurities, and low self-esteem. And those things and held me back from doing what I want to do, and being more like the kind of person I want to be. I just so strongly identified with being fat that I don't know what to think, who will be if I'm not fat? And how will it be, not being able to just feed myself, to numb the bad, sad, mad emotions?

So answer your question, I think some people do struggle with these identity issues. I look forward to reading more of your posts, and hearing your insights and observations.

Take care.

Your understanding makes this a little easier. Thank you.