Am I FAT? Please tell me.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I'm not sure if anyone else struggles with this, but I REALLY do. I drive myself, and everyone I know, crazy with this question. I find myself asking strangers sometimes, if the conversations makes it's way there (which I know how to drive that, lol). So, that's what I'm doing here, too. Please don't judge me harshly

I wanted to be one of those people who set their goal and succeeded to get there. I find that I'm not one of them, and that magic number is elusive to me. So the commentary in my head goes like this, day after day, all day, every day:

- I haven't reached my goal....I'm going to have to DO something.....

- Maybe this is all I'll ever lose, and that's OK

- No, you had a goal, you can do it.....

- Well, you look good. You wear a size 10

- But I could wear a size 8! And, my BMI is still high. So I must be FAT.

- You aren't that fat, all your bones are sticking out and it hurts when you bump them.

- Well, maybe the weight would just come off my thighs, not where I'm already bony.

- That's just stupid, you never had thin thighs. Just be happy.

- Yes, that's right. I can be happy like this, my life is great. Just shift my goal a little, be realistic!

- But wait, AM I being realistic? Maybe I'm just giving myself an easy out.

- Yeah, you are just giving yourself permission to go into maintenance. After all with a BMI of 28, you are overweight. Better kick it up a notch.

And on, and on, and on. It's exhausting! So, am I fat?? It's not a rhetorical question. The surgeon says I'm good to go. The dietitian at my docs office says I'm not fat, and just go into maintenance. She said most people end up with a BMI around 28, and that it is successful. I'll be honest, I don't exercise, (bad knee) and I think that's one thing that I could do to impact it. Also, my calories creep up on the weekends, and I know that's also impacting it. So, maybe I could get there, but I've been on a plateau and I haven't lost in months, even when I was doing those things.

The real question is, am I fat? Not compared to the weight I was (I think people who know me always have that point of reference), but compared to normal people. How important is the number to all of you? Thanks for listening!

[DestinClair1983 72]

Honestly, you look great to me. You are not fat. You've accomplished a great feat, and I know sometimes when we lose a lot of weight, in our minds we still look fat. That happened to me 10 years ago when I lost a significant amount of weight. I looked in the mirror and saw fat, even though I was in a size 6-8, my BMI was still in the overweight range. Everyone told me I wasn't fat, but I refused to believe it, because I wanted to believe the mirror, and my BMI, and the mirror said I was fat. I realized looking back after I gained all the weight back that I actually did not look fat at all, it was all the body dysmorphia. So, believe me when I say, you're looking wonderful and healthy!

[MichiganChic 3,262]

@@DestinClair1983 thanks for your response. I can remember being 140 pounds in my 20s and thinking I looked fat, and that picture in my head still says I was. I'm generally a sane, realistic, common sense person, so this is mind boggling to me that I can't come to a conclusion in my mind that makes sense to me! When I had the surgery, I figured if I made it to 180 I'd be happy, but I guess everything is relative. Thank you for answering!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

@@MichiganChic your a stunner! but I know where you are coming from. I have driven my husband and daughter to extremes because of the same question. They now don't answer. They just walk away...They are tired of it...

The thing is we may quite possibly see ourselves as fat for the rest of our lives. My nut calls it a fat head...Our brains may never get to the point where we say..I made it..Why would we. food was and is an addiction that we have to be aware of the rest of our lives like alcoholism. We can't take it for granted that we have it whipped..

That said we don't want to go the other way and end up in treatment for Anorexia or Bulimia. My daughter works with a couple of patients that have had WLS and have gone the other way. They traded one addiction for another. Once we get to goal the point is to retrain ourselves to maintenance. The thrill of losing is over. It is so hard to handle the changes. And that is why we need to change the way we think...

I am working on it..You need to work on it too!!!!!!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I'm not sure if anyone else struggles with this, but I REALLY do. I drive myself, and everyone I know, crazy with this question. I find myself asking strangers sometimes, if the conversations makes it's way there (which I know how to drive that, lol). So, that's what I'm doing here, too. Please don't judge me harshly

I wanted to be one of those people who set their goal and succeeded to get there. I find that I'm not one of them, and that magic number is elusive to me. So the commentary in my head goes like this, day after day, all day, every day:

- I haven't reached my goal....I'm going to have to DO something.....

- Maybe this is all I'll ever lose, and that's OK

- No, you had a goal, you can do it.....

- Well, you look good. You wear a size 10

- But I could wear a size 8! And, my BMI is still high. So I must be FAT.

- You aren't that fat, all your bones are sticking out and it hurts when you bump them.

- Well, maybe the weight would just come off my thighs, not where I'm already bony.

- That's just stupid, you never had thin thighs. Just be happy.

- Yes, that's right. I can be happy like this, my life is great. Just shift my goal a little, be realistic!

- But wait, AM I being realistic? Maybe I'm just giving myself an easy out.

- Yeah, you are just giving yourself permission to go into maintenance. After all with a BMI of 28, you are overweight. Better kick it up a notch.

And on, and on, and on. It's exhausting! So, am I fat?? It's not a rhetorical question. The surgeon says I'm good to go. The dietitian at my docs office says I'm not fat, and just go into maintenance. She said most people end up with a BMI around 28, and that it is successful. I'll be honest, I don't exercise, (bad knee) and I think that's one thing that I could do to impact it. Also, my calories creep up on the weekends, and I know that's also impacting it. So, maybe I could get there, but I've been on a plateau and I haven't lost in months, even when I was doing those things.

The real question is, am I fat? Not compared to the weight I was (I think people who know me always have that point of reference), but compared to normal people. How important is the number to all of you? Thanks for listening!

You weight less than me, wear a smaller size than me. I am in maintenance right now. Guys who I have known for years see me now, and their eyes bug out and they say I look great. Im sure guys do that to you as well, you are a sexy stunner. YOu do not look fat. You have an hourglass shape and a butt (im jealous) and look like a normal (way above averagel!!! ) woman... its time to start enjoying the fruits of your efforts! The way I look at it, I might like it if I lose 5 pounds... but I am in maintenance now... and thats where you really learn what normal is. Losing the 5 pounds do not make me a better person in any way. I can be casual about getting them off...if ever. To tell you the truth, maintenance for you is probably going to look exactly like what you are doing right now. You do NOT look fat to me.

[kyleebean 209]

Our minds play such dirty little tricks on us..... When I was 315 pounds, I knew I was fat but I still thought I looked good.... Until I would see myself in pictures and ask my partner, "Why didn't you tell me I was this fat?".

Conversely, now I have lost almost 80 pounds and think I still look the same as I did 80 pounds heavier. I know I don't fit into my old clothes, I know I have bought sizes way smaller than I thought I would, I know I am more physically active and comfortable.... But I can't wrap my head around the fact that I shrunk (shrank?)...

Aside from the head games, when I look at your profile, I wonder if you have excess skin that could account for the weight you want to lose? Maybe your body is where it is suppose to be?

Either way, I am in awe of your accomplishments and think you look amazingly beautiful.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

@RJ'S/beginning

@@MichiganChic your a stunner! but I know where you are coming from. I have driven my husband and daughter to extremes because of the same question. They now don't answer. They just walk away...They are tired of it...

I am working on it..You need to work on it too!!!!!!

Thanks or your response and kind words! I'm cracking up at "fat head", never heard that one! I so agree that we can't take it for granted that we have this whipped - I know I need to forever be on guard.

I'm also glad to hear you ask your family the same question. Here's another one they roll their eyes at me for - Right after I as them if I'm fat, I ask them if they want to feel my bones, lol. Totally nuts, I know. I think it's because I do have "fat head". My head says I'm fat, buy my logical side says people with protruding bones probably are not too fat.

So, I AM going to work on my fat head, too. Thanks again

[atlchick 42]

You look great!

[JeanZ_RN 378]

You look WONderful! Congratulations on coming so far! NO, you do NOT look fat in the least! And the idea that you might have excess skin that would account for the remaining 9 lbs is absolutely inspired; could it be correct?

There are ways to exercise that won't adversely affect your knee. (This from one who HATES exercise, but that's a different issue.) Think Water aerobics and/or swimming laps, or using an eliptical machine that allows the knees to stay straight (I have one - it has clothes piled on it. ) And here's a link to a web site where you can find an exercise program that you can do sitting down: www.bobbywhisnand.com.

Perhaps some therapy is in order? There are therapists who specialize in treating WLS patients... Best wishes!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

@@feedyoureye Look at you..awesome!!!!!!!! hotty! Go girl go!!!!!

[MichiganChic 3,262]

You weight less than me, wear a smaller size than me. I am in maintenance right now. Guys who I have known for years see me now, and their eyes bug out and they say I look great. Im sure guys do that to you as well, you are a sexy stunner. YOu do not look fat. You have an hourglass shape and a butt (im jealous) and look like a normal (way above averagel!!! ) woman... its time to start enjoying the fruits of your efforts! The way I look at it, I might like it if I lose 5 pounds... but I am in maintenance now... and thats where you really learn what normal is. Losing the 5 pounds do not make me a better person in any way. I can be casual about getting them off...if ever. To tell you the truth, maintenance for you is probably going to look exactly like what you are doing right now. You do NOT look fat to me.

You look GREAT! And the fact that you're further out is a testimony to your success - always an inspiration to me. Good thought about learning what's normal in maintenance. I do think there is a lot of work to be done there...and normal is all I ever wanted to be. I feel like this last little mental hang up keeps me from enjoying it to the fullest, so thanks for that...never really thought about it that way. I think we all deserve to enjoy what we've accomplished. It helps to hear it from others who have been there. And thanks for your answer. I figure people I don't know would be most likely to answer honestly, and it does help to shape my opinion as I shift gears.

[suejersey 263]

No you are not fat! You are a human being

Now, if you want to "tone" things up you do need to do some exercise. How about strength training (you can do that even with a bad knee). In the last three months I have only lost 13 pounds but I am more and more happy with how my body looks because of the exercise that I am doing. I am at goal, in maintenance but now am focused on being fit and STRONG!

Maybe that is where you are conflicted. At a certain point losing weight will NOT look good, because you're not just losing fat, you're losing muscle and we can look shriveled up or flabby skinny. But have a defined physique (not necessarily muscle-y) may cause us to put on a few pounds, but we will LOOK smaller and tighter and firmer and BE STRONGER.

Strong is so empowering. Losing the weight has been so wonderful for me, it has given me my life back, but being STRONG is invigorating, it makes me feel like I can conquer my day, my problems, be adventurous, be confident.

You are not fat. You are beautiful. You have worked hard towards your goals. Remember your body is your vehicle, take care of it, strenghten it and appreciate all the hard work it does for you!

Oh, and by the way, BMI is a horrible, disgusting thing that is unrealistic for women (not sure about men). If I weighed 120 pounds I would look like I just got out of the hospital after being in a coma. It is unrealistic and unhealthy to make women think in those terms. Look at your lean body mass and work on increasing muscle, that is a much better "number" or indicator to look at.

Edited April 13, 2014 by suejersey

[NMJG 1,266]

I don't think you look fat. You look pretty normal to me.

[luckyknickers57 62]

I'm not sure if anyone else struggles with this, but I REALLY do. I drive myself, and everyone I know, crazy with this question. I find myself asking strangers sometimes, if the conversations makes it's way there (which I know how to drive that, lol). So, that's what I'm doing here, too. Please don't judge me harshly I wanted to be one of those people who set their goal and succeeded to get there. I find that I'm not one of them, and that magic number is elusive to me. So the commentary in my head goes like this, day after day, all day, every day: - I haven't reached my goal....I'm going to have to DO something..... - Maybe this is all I'll ever lose, and that's OK - No, you had a goal, you can do it..... - Well, you look good. You wear a size 10 - But I could wear a size 8! And, my BMI is still high. So I must be FAT. - You aren't that fat, all your bones are sticking out and it hurts when you bump them. - Well, maybe the weight would just come off my thighs, not where I'm already bony. - That's just stupid, you never had thin thighs. Just be happy. - Yes, that's right. I can be happy like this, my life is great. Just shift my goal a little, be realistic! - But wait, AM I being realistic? Maybe I'm just giving myself an easy out. - Yeah, you are just giving yourself permission to go into maintenance. After all with a BMI of 28, you are overweight. Better kick it up a notch. And on, and on, and on. It's exhausting! So, am I fat?? It's not a rhetorical question. The surgeon says I'm good to go. The dietitian at my docs office says I'm not fat, and just go into maintenance. She said most people end up with a BMI around 28, and that it is successful. I'll be honest, I don't exercise, (bad knee) and I think that's one thing that I could do to impact it. Also, my calories creep up on the weekends, and I know that's also impacting it. So, maybe I could get there, but I've been on a plateau and I haven't lost in months, even when I was doing those things. The real question is, am I fat? Not compared to the weight I was (I think people who know me always have that point of reference), but compared to normal people. How important is the number to all of you? Thanks for listening!

No, you are not fat...... Yes, you look great. You are so like my daughter, who has had a bypass, she does not really SEE what is in the mirror, or on the photos. It's as though there is a disconnect in her head. She just SEES what is in her memory. She wears size ten, although her ideal is size eight.... But, like you, looks absolutely fabulous. It reminds me of an eating disorder, and concerns me that she may take it too far. I really think that you, like her, cannot forget where you have come from, and remember all the emotions attached to being bigger, wanting to be smaller, healthier, fitter and happier. Now your there, stop beating yourself up, and take time out to enjoy it. Celebrate your success.

Edited April 13, 2014 by luckyknickers57

[erp 2,016]

I struggle with the exact same issue. I keep wanting to lose just a little more. I know intellectually that I am smaller but I can't see it. People refer to me as small but all I see are the rolls on my stomach and jiggly outer thighs. Oh, and if someone can tell me how to stop comparing myself to other women-read skinnier women, that would be great.