"Support Group" from rant to rave

[katesuccess 990]

SO my HMO required I go to at least one of their support groups, and I went to two. Actually the first one was so bad I figured it had to be an anomaly so i tried at again. OMG - I cannot believe a trained social worker and a trained RN in the field of WLS couldn't manage any control at all over this one over-the-top guy! He commented and snide-side-remarked after e v e r y s i n g l e c o m m e n t!! When he wasn't being snarky, he was weighing in as if HE were conducting the group session and was the doctor of reference. He spoke over people and generally made me nuts. I tried to stay after the second session to talk to the leader/soc worker about it, and see if i was the only one bugged - but of course Mr. Snarky stayed behind too! As long as there was an audience, he was going to stick around to pontificate. Made me feel bad for him though, and wondered if maybe no one listens to him at home or in the rest of his life. End of rant. When I mentioned it to the other staff social worker (whom I saw for my psych eval) she laughed and said something like 'there's one in every group, and somehow we always know who it's going to be right from the first session!' Yup. Nailed him. Much as I don't want to judge - I also am not going to attend a group that's more frustration than support.

So, I'd heard about the hospital next door (not in my plan) who also has a WLS support group and it's open to the public. They meet twice as often as my HMO too, and since I know i may need this as an added tool post-op, I tried them out tonight. WOW - night and day difference! So much more collegial, and sense of warmth and camaraderie, respect and adult turn-taking. Unbelievable. Yes, there was STILL one guy in the group who began preaching as resident-expert part way through, but nothing at all like the other one. The group leader even started us off saying he was going to actively facilitate, and help to move us along is we got too bogged down on a topic or with just one person, since there were so many in the group. I left feeling so much more connected, interested, supported, encouraged, and even welcomed back. Not one person said anything to me after the awful group sessions at my HMO. Twice as many people there, and yet I felt more understood and heard - yet I suspect I said less than at the other group too. People even stuck around afterwards and chatted and talked about visiting each other post-op. Amazing.

So if you go to a group that bites, try again. Keep looking!

[katesuccess 990]

Oops - I didn't know I couldn't abbreviate anything like an Health Mgmt Org. so the site edited it down to *** instead. Sorry!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

... all over this one over-the-top guy! He commented and snide-side-remarked after e v e r y s i n g l e c o m m e n t!! When he wasn't being snarky, he was weighing in as if HE were conducting the group session and was the doctor of reference. He spoke over people and generally made me nuts. ...

Sounds like every freaking WWs meeting I ever attended and exactly the reason I couldn't stand them.

So glad you found a better group!

[MichiganChic 3,262]

Yeah, there's one (or 2 or 3) in every group. They want to dominate the conversation, and alternate between stupid questions they know the answer to, and acting like they are the expert because they've lost weight. The group I go to usually has some sort of guest speaker first, then an open forum. When it starts getting like that, I just leave. I sometimes wonder if it's worth my time to even go but since I read studies that people who go lose more weight and maintain it better, I keep going, lol. I never thought about looking for a different group, so good idea.

[BigGirlPanties 957]

My doc/hospital has a monthly meeting, but it's HUGE and the people ask the same questions over and over... however I found an addiction therapist that has a monthly meeting... about 12 of us, she has one of us conduct the meeting each month and pick a topic... she will print up anything we want to share... and we share recipes, sites, etc... sometimes it can get out of hand, but it reminds me of the dining room table with my sisters (I have 5)... so I can tolerate it pretty well as it usually gets under control quickly.

But YES...there are meetings, ask your doctor if they conduct them or if they have a list of places to go... it helps keep me in check...even tho I haven't lost lately, I have "maintained" well -LOL...so that's a BIG plus... She has a "success habits" workshop that there is a fee for that I think I will join for more one-on -one help to get me "back on track"

Good luck to y'all!

Edited April 11, 2014 by BigGirlPanties

[katesuccess 990]

Yep - brought back bad WW meeting flashbacks for me! LOL. I like the idea of an addiction therapist and a group session where convening is rotated. Nice - I'll start doing some looking around here. And I'm going because I've read those same studies! I want to find a group i'm likely to at least be willing to go back to, even if not always anxious to. It was good hearing people both talk about NSVs, losses, anniversaries AND frustrations and stalls and regains - even complications. All the same as is on this site pretty much, but in person. I can see though that you all are definitely where I'm more apt to turn! Thanks for letting me rant and rave!

[pquinn181 21]

I think the support group I attended is the worst ever! Including the doctor and myself it consisted of 3 people.❇

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

I think the support group I attended is the worst ever! Including the doctor and myself it consisted of 3 people.❇

Hey. I'd take advantage of some one on one time with the doc. Captive audience and all! Lol