It's getting close and doubts/fear is sneaking in

[SparkleCat 521]

Surgery date is less than two weeks away and the fear is starting to settle in. I am terrified of a leak...scared of post op pain....scared that my lifestyle will change so much that I will lose friends...friends with whom the majority of our social time is spent eating or drinking...scared I won't know how to handle not being the "big girl"

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning and though "Maybe this body isn't so bad?" then I will see pictures of myself and realize I am twice the size of many people I know and I can only fit into 2 pairs of my pants. The picture attached was taken when I was 20 pounds lighter and felt "skinny" until I actually saw the photo.

I go from complete excitement to outright terror of what I am about to do to my body. My only other surgery was a breast reduction which changed my life for the better...I am hoping this is similar if not even more life changing, but it's still so scary!

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

Thanks for sharing Sparkle... I'm pre-op too and I waver now and then with that same feeling "I'm not so fat...". But then I think about how long I've tried to overcome this and I know it's not going to get better the older I get (peri-menopausal) and even though I don't have a lot of those health problems now, it's pretty much inevitable that I'll end up with the whole laundry list if I continue on the path I'm on.

Keep reading the good and bad stories, talk to trusted friends and your doctor, nutritionist... attend some support group meetings. You and only you can make the decision if this is right for you and that decision will be the best when you are fully informed and prepared!

Best wishes

[SparkleCat 521]

Thanks for sharing Sparkle... I'm pre-op too and I waver now and then with that same feeling "I'm not so fat...". But then I think about how long I've tried to overcome this and I know it's not going to get better the older I get (peri-menopausal) and even though I don't have a lot of those health problems now, it's pretty much inevitable that I'll end up with the whole laundry list if I continue on the path I'm on.

Keep reading the good and bad stories, talk to trusted friends and your doctor, nutritionist... attend some support group meetings. You and only you can make the decision if this is right for you and that decision will be the best when you are fully informed and prepared!

Best wishes

Thanks Ginger! I, too, am at the age will it will only get worse (44)...I have always been big, have always been in denial of how big I really am...that mirror can both beat us up and delude us can't it. My BMI ranges from 37-39 and I have scary high cholesterol (over 300 w/o Crestor), so I know I am a good candidate for surgery. I am not at all backing out.

When it comes to my weight and my health I have always told myself "It's not that bad" "I'm not that fat" "I have time" in order to avoid really seeing what my bad habits are doing to my health. When I decided to explore surgery I was just tired...tired of the roller coaster, tired of the shame, tired of the denial and tired of constantly thinking about how much space I was taking up. So while fear is definitely rearing it's ugly head...I believe I am making the best decision for not only my physical health, but my mental and emotional health as well.

Best of luck to both of us in the coming months!

[yodasplash 20]

I'm less than two weeks post-op, and I can tell you that what you are feeling is normal. For me, it hit about two days before surgery. You have to trust your research and trust your doctor in regards to leaks. Express your concerns with the doctor, and let him/her reassure you. If nothing else it puts a seed in their mind, "hey this patient was concerned about leaks, let me make sure I double-check that there aren't any". As for the pain, the worst pain I had felt like indigestion, it would bubble up in my chest and then go away after a couple seconds. I was up walking within 12 hours of surgery, and I have felt completely fine since about 5 days after surgery, to the extent that I have to remind myself that I need to take it easy while things heal. As for the friends issue, things will change. My wife and I have a large group of friends that get together and eat all the time. In fact, they had a get together a few days after I had surgery. I let my wife go, and explained to her that I didn't feel comfortable at this point being around a bunch of food. And these were friends that have been extremely supportive of my desicision, they WANTED to see me and see how I was doing. If it had been drinks, I could have gone and had Water or tea. But food is different, I walked through a grocery store and was bombarded by "head hunger". I haven't been hungry since surgery, but I had thoughts like "I need to buy this pizza and take it home" or "those chicken quarters would taste sooo good off the grill". And I'm confident that eventually, once I'm back on solid foods, I'll feel comfortable rejoining the group. You just have to do what feels best for you. Your friends will understand.

[Jwow1 11]

Thanks Ginger! I, too, am at the age will it will only get worse (44)...I have always been big, have always been in denial of how big I really am...that mirror can both beat us up and delude us can't it. My BMI ranges from 37-39 and I have scary high cholesterol (over 300 w/o Crestor), so I know I am a good candidate for surgery. I am not at all backing out.

When it comes to my weight and my health I have always told myself "It's not that bad" "I'm not that fat" "I have time" in order to avoid really seeing what my bad habits are doing to my health. When I decided to explore surgery I was just tired...tired of the roller coaster, tired of the shame, tired of the denial and tired of constantly thinking about how much space I was taking up. So while fear is definitely rearing it's ugly head...I believe I am making the best decision for not only my physical health, but my mental and emotional health as well.

Best of luck to both of us in the coming months!

This sounds like I could have written this about myself! I am feeling the same way! Surgery is May 1st. Whew...we will get through this and be happy about our choice (after recovery).

Praying all goes well!

[law001 40]

I am feeling the same way and my surgery is May 7th. I feel like the thought of surgery is all consuming and I'm driving myself insane. I think I change my mind about 1000x a day.

[SparkleCat 521]

I'm less than two weeks post-op, and I can tell you that what you are feeling is normal. For me, it hit about two days before surgery. You have to trust your research and trust your doctor in regards to leaks. Express your concerns with the doctor, and let him/her reassure you. If nothing else it puts a seed in their mind, "hey this patient was concerned about leaks, let me make sure I double-check that there aren't any". As for the pain, the worst pain I had felt like indigestion, it would bubble up in my chest and then go away after a couple seconds. I was up walking within 12 hours of surgery, and I have felt completely fine since about 5 days after surgery, to the extent that I have to remind myself that I need to take it easy while things heal. As for the friends issue, things will change. My wife and I have a large group of friends that get together and eat all the time. In fact, they had a get together a few days after I had surgery. I let my wife go, and explained to her that I didn't feel comfortable at this point being around a bunch of food. And these were friends that have been extremely supportive of my desicision, they WANTED to see me and see how I was doing. If it had been drinks, I could have gone and had Water or tea. But food is different, I walked through a grocery store and was bombarded by "head hunger". I haven't been hungry since surgery, but I had thoughts like "I need to buy this pizza and take it home" or "those chicken quarters would taste sooo good off the grill". And I'm confident that eventually, once I'm back on solid foods, I'll feel comfortable rejoining the group. You just have to do what feels best for you. Your friends will understand.

Thanks so much for the tips and encouragement! That's why I love this place...lots of people who have "been there, done that" and understand the roller coaster of emotions we all go through no matter what stage of the process we are in!

Best of luck to you!

[mrsbailey921 117]

I so LOVE THIS THREAD...OP what you are feeling is also what I am feeling, and I still have at least 2 months to go until my surgery!

I also catch myself saying, "well I *have* been this size most of my adult life" and even justifying my weight. but as others have said, I then backtrack and think about all of the YEARS I have spent really trying to be the person I really want to be, the person who has been held back by being overweight...and then I feel like I am making the right choice.

while I haven't experienced the friend loss yet, I can say that some people, when hearing that I am planning on weight loss surgery, give me an unpleasant reaction with their look. I only speak about my plans and goals because I want to be an encouragement for others in our boat...and I am not worried about the thoughts of others so much that it bothers me to speak on it. but the looks, smirks and grunts are already there--and I haven't even had the darn procedure yet! go figure.

today I admitted to my nutritionist my fears about regarding food post op, and she reassured me that the goal was the get me back to enjoying various foods in a healthier way, not to have me sipping liquids through a straw for the rest of my life. when she said that, for some odd reason, I felt the stress leave my body. LOL.

just wanted to add that you are not alone in your thoughts and worries and that the responses here are awesome. we can do this!!!

[mrsbailey921 117]

I also must admit, I was in a similar boat after my gallbladder removal. before surgery I was so worried about pain, or leaking, or bile, and everything else. my surgeon reassured me, patted my shoulders and told me he would do his very best by me. I immediately felt better. because of my faith, I prayed for him and myself right before being put under, and that prayer was EVERYTHING in that moment.

healing was only painful for the first day after. it is not unlike having a child...you just have to take it very easy those first few weeks. but after day 2...the pain went away and I was only very tender for another week. it's been about 7 years now, and last year my scars have finally faded to where I have to actually search hard to see where they are! for the first two years or so they were very noticeable.

I say this to say...the healing process takes time, but I believe if we take it one day at a time, it is much more bearable on our minds and bodies. although removing a portion of the stomach is much more than removing the gallbladder, the surgeries do have their similarities and the healing process is very similar. I was so sickened by my diseased gallbladder that I was on liquids before AND after surgery! it really is not undoable. just remember to take it easy and don't overexert for those first few weeks, and I don't think any of us will regret our decision to change our lives for the better through surgery!

yes, we can do this!

[butterfly2014 128]

Its funny how things work. When we first start this journey we are so eager to finish all of our preop tests and get that approval from insurance and then we finally get our surgery date and BOOM!!!

The...

Excitement

Nervous

Anxious

Happy

Emotional

Confused

Doubts

Hesitant

All of this is absolutely "normal". We are making the best decision in our lives by becoming a new healthy you!

Best wishes Future Sleevers!

Surg Date 4/16...