How to deal with people, specially family

[BackToHot 59]

I didn't tell my husband yet and I'm practicing on how to tell him. I can see he telling me that I don't need it and that I should just exercise daily and stop eating. Of course I would answer that I did that already and it didn't work. He would say I didn't tried hard enough. It's consuming me. Besides the idea of me going to Mexico is going to be the cherry on the top of the ice cream. Anyways I paid the down payment to Ready4Achange and I have the sleeve date for the 8th of may with dr Fernando Garcia. I booked n paid for the flight already. Ultimately ill tell him anyways but I know he's gonna take the news as a irresponsible thing I'm doing because we could use the money in so many diff ways, with our family and that Im risking my life when i have two little boys to raise, that would be a selfish thing to do etc. I don't have money to spare but I worked extra hard to put together that money so I shouldn't feel guilt about how I'm going to spend it. But he works very hard too and all money he makes is to give our family a better life. He never spends anything with himself. This is a cry for help

[webhopper 57]

I suggest talking to him about it when you are alone and maybe with a 3rd person there like a counselor?

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Sweetheart, you have to tell him immediately. It is hard to say how he will react because you have gone so far. Please get this done and keep posting and we can be supportive of you in every way. God Bless.

[Pepper123 320]

OH dear…good luck and you're hubby loves u so in time he will understand….tell him asap u do want his support…best of luck keep us posted...

[millergirl314 168]

Regardless of how you think he will react to the news, you need to tell him. Not after or right before your flight, he has a right to know for many different reasons. I didn't tell my husband until after my first appt and he was very hurt.

[webhopper 57]

My husband went to the first appointment with me. I couldn't imagine him not knowing and carrying this secret. Taking your life back and making a healthier you is a big deal and I would hope that he would be happy. My husband wouldn't let me do it in Mexico though

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I have learned here that a lot of people do not have health insurance and they have found good and affordable doctors in Mexico. We do what we need to do. I know a young couple with 2 small kids who financed $25,000 in Florida so the husband could have surgery here. Whatever our choice we must have support. Keep us posted. Not every topic is simple and about food. This is a toughie and we support you to get things right with your husband.

[jujubslim 95]

You need to tell him as soon as possible considering you've already made the commitment and put money down. I'm sure he's going to take it even harder since you did everything without discussing it. I'd highly recommend you find a marriage counselor asap. You have some major communication issues. Sorry to be so blunt, but I'd be so heartbroken if my hubby didn't trust me enough to share something so big and life altering

[Sleeveless in seattle 208]

Oh wow, you are starting off this path on the wrong foot if you put down payment but haven't even talked to him yet. If you want to be successful and have his support, he should be your #1 go-to person.

[BlondeBanshee 91]

If you are obese you are probably at more risk of life then getting the sleeve. If you have a disease then you get treatment! Some of us are genetically predisposed to obesity and the long term affects can be catastrophic! Talk to your spouse, and present him with the facts and statistics of your situation. This is not just about will power, knowing when to intervene medically, only you can say, because your ready.

[BlondeBanshee 91]

Oh, and I had surgery in TJ. I was not interested in dealing with playing games with my insurance. It was fairly simple and not very stressful!

[elfnow 277]

I am also going to be blunt: y'all's marriage communication is f'd up.

To me this is like not telling your husband you're pregnant.... And then he just comes home from work one day and there's a new addition on the house that you had built and you're just hanging out with a baby he didn't know about.

I am also going to advocate counseling - he's perhaps treating you like a child by being condescending and not recognizing your real concerns.... But you're inviting it by hiding and sneaking around like an irresponsible teenager!

The fact that you're doing all this with "your money" doesn't make it okay, just like if he walked into a new addition on the house and you had a new baby it wouldn't be magically OK just because the baby is genetically his and you paid for the new construction yourself...

I do want to be clear: I am not at all saying that you are wrong here, not am I saying you're right. I am just saying that "marriage" and "communication" does NOT WORK LIKE THIS. There are clearly some real issues between you guys if it's come to this, and you both need to recognize that.

That kind behavior with that amount of money with no notice or warning is symptomatic of a bipolar / manic episode. Please talk to someone professional!!

[vogue 310]

I did not tell my husband until I had everything setup and a surgery date set. He was initially less than supportive but has since turned into a great advocate.

Everyone's marriage is different. I didn't need the stress of him in my ear with negativity while I was going thru pre-surgery process.

I let him know it was MY body and MY health and he either needed to get on board or STFU.

I told him what I needed from him by way of support and if he couldn't do that, fine but don't stand in my way.

Took him a few days to take it all in( and knowing my husband he did a lot of google searching in those days) but he was ok after that

It worked out fine. He took days off work to be with me postop and is happy with my results

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

PLEASE EVERYONE REMEMBER WE ARE NOT HERE TO JUDGE. We are here to support you and encourage. We all wish you the best of luck.

[NothingUpMySleeve 244]

Tell him at a calm time and place, without kids around. Something like:

"I have something important to tell you, and it means a lot to me, so I'm asking you to please hear me out. Can you give me that opportunity? I want to be the healthiest wife and mom I can be, but I have struggled time and again with diet and exercise. I'm a good candidate for weight loss surgery and I've researched it a lot. It looks like it will be a powerful tool in helping me commit to a healthy lifestyle."

Start with talking about vision: what do you want your life to be and why. Anchor that piece before you move to specifics on when and where. This is a really big thing to spring on a spouse; I wish you the best of luck.