Should i tell my bf?

[Lili14 5]

Hello all, my lapband surgery is scheduled for 14th May. Feeling so nervous and wonder if im doing the right thing! I just need to loose 25 kg but struggled to do so. I tried everything from diet to exercise but couldnt get ride of my extra weight. I haven't told anyone not even my boyfriend yet, and I might not to tell him but I wonder if its right to hide it from him? What if he finds out? I think if I tell him, he won't let me to do the operation even that he wants me to loose weight. He's a very supportive and caring person but he always follows a healthy diet and procedure. We are seeing each other for 3 years and about to move in together mid year. Any suggestion? Is it possible to hide having lapband if you live with someone? Any suggestion for my operation? I feel so lonely at this stage by hiding it from others

[jamilyne 102668 1,207]

Lili14 - This is just my opinion, but if I were you I would tell him. Explain your struggles to him and explain that this is what you want to do to change your life for the better. By reading your post, this is not a new relationship and you don't want to have any secrets with someone that you are serious with.

With regard to hiding the fact that you had surgery - I guess anyone can hide anything if they really want to. You are going to have some small scars and if you are intimate with him, he will probably notice.

I am married for 10 years and have been with my husband for 12-1/2 years. He was very supportive of me getting lapband surgery, because it was what I wanted. He told me to do what I thought was best. I think that he was scared when I was having my actual surgery and he did relay that to me. But I did just fine.

Good luck.

[cccv4 85]

i think you should tell him. if you cannot be 100% honest with someone that you've been in a serious relationship with, then why be together? through all of this, my husband has been my #1 supporter. he wants the best for me and isn't happy about me doing this, but will support me. supporting me also means that he is mindful about what we eat, what we do, etc. your BF will have to know that this is not only a life changing experience for you, but it is also a changing experience for HIM.

[kimk1999 450]

Yeah I agree with the previous commenters. Tell him.

I barely told anybody but I definitely told my fiancé. They should know in case you have some major complication. I have a card in my wallet that states we cannot have a blind ngtube (spelling - can't remember real name) placed but your sig other should mention this to EMTs or at least you have the lap band and to check your card for details.

Just about every one has had a stuck episode. When you eat with someone you love you need to be able to deal with it appropriately. If you take a bite and rush to the restroom that will be awkward to answer.

I think you should tell your bf to gain his support. He should be on your team and help you out. If he's not that kind of guy, you might want to reconsider for when life does get really tough. Say cancer / chemo.

[2muchfun 8,927]

IMO, it's impossible to hide having major surgery! You're going to have to recover and how do you hide that? If you remove your clothing around him the port and incisions sites will show for some time.

[Mikee57 699]

Lili14 I agree with everyone...tell him...if he really cares he will understand that you feel this is necessary for your health. It will be very hard to hide...because first of all you will be on very different types of food choices for at least 6 weeks post op. As far as you being nervous that is normal, but you are adding extra stress to yourself by not telling him about this surgery.

Wherever you are you are lucky, since my insurance wouldn't even cover me if I only had 25 kg to lose. You do what you feel is right though...but I concur with all of those that have commented on your post. TELL HIM!!! Best wishes sweetie...hang in there!!!

[Christy929 18]

My husband was not a fan of the band at all. We fought about it, but after 3 kiddies & some health problems I knew I had to do it. This is not something you want to do without support. I'd have an honest conversation, he's going to find out anyway.

[Lili14 5]

Thanks everyone for the advices, it helped me a lot to make up my mind I decided to tell him tomorrow night. I hope he doesn't stand against my decision as its a life changing decision for my health.

[Lili14 5]

Mikee... I think I was lucky that its approved by my insurance. Also since I had some serious complications due to my weight it helped to proceed with the insurance.

[parisshel 1,892]

Tell him. If he isn't supportive, leave him.

This will be an excellent way to see if he is a keeper.

[Mikee57 699]

I am happy for you lili14...we will be looking forward to seeing more of your posts...best wishes to you sweetie...you'll do great!!!

[Martha Howland-Shafiei 118]

honesty is the best policy...i f he loves u hewill understand and support u.

[Mikee57 699]

well Lili14 how did he take it? haven't heard back from you? I am praying it was a good productive conversation with a lot of compassion and an agreement for being there for you!!! take care and let me know will ya? thinking of you!!!

[Martha Howland-Shafiei 118]

Dearest Mikee,plz pray: my APRN wh oprescibes my psych meds promised to take me of 3 meds that cause weight gain adn then didnt follow thru---is waiting for a call from my attorney...plz pray she does it and gets me off before mys urgery adn doesnt mess me up for it

THANKU...thinking of u today

[HotButterFly 981]

Lili, I'm so glad you decided to tell him!!!