Surgery in 2 weeks haven't told my fam.

[jdillon 355]

I'm not trying to be secretive and I'm not ashamed of my decision. I'm embarrassed of my health and my body and where I've gotten it to. I don't like it being the focal point of a discussion and say aloud how bad I look. I want to get my surgery follow Dr orders and do something about it. Head down and focused. Every time I try to talk about it like with my husband I feel like crying. I feel like I've let myself down and him. I lost 70lbs and got into sz 10 jeans and looked good and over 2 1/2 years or so I gained it all back almost. It creeped up on me and before I knew it I was back out of control. I hope I can do this and be successful. I hate going up and down on my weight. This just is not how I want to feel or look. My feet are starting to feel like the heel spurs are coming back. I get back pain. My stomach is a mess with most things I eat (probably the gallbladder) ready for a change.

[amumes 27]

I only told a few people. I stopped after telling my cousin. She was negative about it. She even said that she would pray that I would change my mind. I originally told her I was going to have the surgery this summer. But I am going to have surgery on 4/14/14. I am not telling her before. Work mates I have not told. Other than I am on a diet and have cut out various foods.