my boyfriend doesn't approve of the surgery

[chad.vicious 23]

I received your message and responded. Just check your inbox or messages.

[butterfly2014 128]

I wish you the best. Just remember your choice and your life.

A healthy life.

[piercedqt78 658]

@@mickeylumbo They're not just getting it done here in the US. I've read posts of people getting it done in Mexico, Japan, and Australia. This community is amazing. I've never felt so much support and encouragement before. It really is great.

Even just starting research you have joined a new family. We are a family of LOSERS but the very best kind of losers. I have always said that when I had WLS I lost weight but gained a family and they are worth their weight in gold, and I mean their pre-surgery weight! I don't know what I would do without my little bariatricpal family. I have been around since each type of weight loss had their own site, that is why my post count is so high, and I have made friends from all across the country that have remained in my life through thick and thin. We have even met at Disney and spent the day riding roller coasters together! My bariatric family understands things my home family will NEVER understand. If you haven't walked a mile in my plus sized pants there in no way you can understand what I'm dealing with, but the people her get it.

[foreveryoung12 9]

<p>Ah, the dating life. I miss it like I miss stomach flu.</p> <p> </p> <p>This would be my next conversation with your boyfriend.</p> <p style="margin-left:40px;"> </p> <p style="margin-left:40px;">Hon, I love you very much. The last 13 months have been great, but it is but a small glimpse of my life. Those who know me well, my family, know the struggles I have gone through in my life and are supportive of this decision. I understand WLS is an unknown for you. You cannot know my experience and I would not wish morbid obesity on anyone just so they could know my plight. Your statement about WLS being the easy way out and me being lazy is just ignorant. You can choose to break up with me over this, but this will be your loss just as I can choose to break up with you for not being supportive of me and my struggles. If this is how you are going to try to control me, then it is probably be best if we do break up now as I don't need this kind of drama in my life right now.</p> <p style="margin-left:40px;"> </p> <p style="margin-left:40px;">So, choose now. Support me and we can grow closer together as we embark on this journey, or you can take the easy way out and break up with me. But that would just be lazy, now wouldn't it?</p>

Love this!!

[stacy97006 24]

Hi Chad, welcome. I will say this, my husband has always been with heavy women, and I was no exception. He married me when I was a size 18. He wasn't totally on board on with the surgery either, and we have a 12 year old daughter. I wanted to be able to be her mom for the long haul. I wanted to be around to attend her wedding, and also to see her have kids of her own. My ever expanding waistline wasn't going to let that happen. I was on track for a stroke, type 2 diabetes, and who know what else. He didn't threaten to leave me, but he wasn't very supportive. He didn't attend my seminar, or any of my pre-op meetings. He even tried to talk my PCP out of clearing me for surgery. I did everything on my own, and pushed forward to save my own life and health. I had a lapband, for almost 8 years, and had complications, he wanted me to have the band removed, and not have the sleeve. I had only lost 40 pounds, and I was gaining that back quickly. So I again pushed on without his approval, or support. Now I'm down from 244 pounds to 115, and he is so happy with my energy level, greatly improved health, and my renewed self confidence. He now attends my followup appointments, insists on taking me to my NUT appts, and has been great about ordering foods that I can share with him, so that I can eat healthy, and not be stuck with 4 or 5 meals worth of leftovers. After he saw the amazing results, and how the surgery improved my life he sat me down and said how sorry he was for not being there for me through my struggles with my weight, and the 2 surgeries. He said he was afraid he would lose me and didn't want to even imagine life without me. And he said that seeing me going into surgery and then coming out with drains, and not being able to eat was really hard for him. He explained that he knew I was struggling, but out of fear he didn't feel able to support me the way he should have supported me.

What I want to say is that you have to do this surgery for YOU, and no one else. Don't let anyone talk you out of doing what is right for you, and what is best for your health, and future. Don't let your boyfriend talk you out of getting the surgery that is being covered. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but he is your boyfriend right now, what if you break up and your insurance changes in the mean time, then you may or may not have coverage for your sleeve. Just think of this as a lifelong decision that will affect you, and who ever is in your future. Don't let someone's fear keep you from taking charge of your body and health.

Thank you so very much for this post. After going through the seminar and my 6 month diet and scheduling my surgery for June, my husband basically let me know that he does not support me having the surgery. I have been very overweight since I had our first child 7 months into our marriage. That child is now 18. I have yo yo dieted for years and they weight always comes back. At my largest I was 275, and at the beginning of my surgery Quest I was 222. I am currently 201 and scheduled for surgery on June 10th. 201 doesn't sound huge but have type 2 diabetes and taking 2 insulin's is a huge health factor for me. I want to be healthy and I want to feel beautiful and have energy and Im very sad that he does not support that.

[piercedqt78 658]

Hi Chad, welcome. I will say this, my husband has always been with heavy women, and I was no exception. He married me when I was a size 18. He wasn't totally on board on with the surgery either, and we have a 12 year old daughter. I wanted to be able to be her mom for the long haul. I wanted to be around to attend her wedding, and also to see her have kids of her own. My ever expanding waistline wasn't going to let that happen. I was on track for a stroke, type 2 diabetes, and who know what else. He didn't threaten to leave me, but he wasn't very supportive. He didn't attend my seminar, or any of my pre-op meetings. He even tried to talk my PCP out of clearing me for surgery. I did everything on my own, and pushed forward to save my own life and health. I had a lapband, for almost 8 years, and had complications, he wanted me to have the band removed, and not have the sleeve. I had only lost 40 pounds, and I was gaining that back quickly. So I again pushed on without his approval, or support. Now I'm down from 244 pounds to 115, and he is so happy with my energy level, greatly improved health, and my renewed self confidence. He now attends my followup appointments, insists on taking me to my NUT appts, and has been great about ordering foods that I can share with him, so that I can eat healthy, and not be stuck with 4 or 5 meals worth of leftovers. After he saw the amazing results, and how the surgery improved my life he sat me down and said how sorry he was for not being there for me through my struggles with my weight, and the 2 surgeries. He said he was afraid he would lose me and didn't want to even imagine life without me. And he said that seeing me going into surgery and then coming out with drains, and not being able to eat was really hard for him. He explained that he knew I was struggling, but out of fear he didn't feel able to support me the way he should have supported me.

What I want to say is that you have to do this surgery for YOU, and no one else. Don't let anyone talk you out of doing what is right for you, and what is best for your health, and future. Don't let your boyfriend talk you out of getting the surgery that is being covered. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but he is your boyfriend right now, what if you break up and your insurance changes in the mean time, then you may or may not have coverage for your sleeve. Just think of this as a lifelong decision that will affect you, and who ever is in your future. Don't let someone's fear keep you from taking charge of your body and health.

Thank you so very much for this post. After going through the seminar and my 6 month diet and scheduling my surgery for June, my husband basically let me know that he does not support me having the surgery. I have been very overweight since I had our first child 7 months into our marriage. That child is now 18. I have yo yo dieted for years and they weight always comes back. At my largest I was 275, and at the beginning of my surgery Quest I was 222. I am currently 201 and scheduled for surgery on June 10th. 201 doesn't sound huge but have type 2 diabetes and taking 2 insulin's is a huge health factor for me. I want to be healthy and I want to feel beautiful and have energy and Im very sad that he does not support that.

You have to do what is right for you! He will either come on board, or he won't but you will live longer, healthier, and happier without the excess weight. I told my husband that I had to do this for me, and he could love and support me, or he could show me that he never really loved me at all. If you love someone you don't care what it takes to make them healthy and happy, you just care that they are healthy and happy.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

If your boyfriend left tonight with the house and everything in it, you would still have your dignity and peace of mind for standing up to him and making an independant decision.

Although you said he can be nice in many other ways, others here see red flags. You should at least Google "The Cycle of Abuse" to see if you can identify with any of those behaviors that are mentioned.

If he doesn't come around soon, then you need to stop thinking - I love him, so why does he treat me this way?

And start thinking - Why would I love someone who treats me this way?

Weight loss surgery definitely impacts relationships. Stand your ground, Chad. If he doesn't like you having the surgery......oh well. This is not about him...This is about you.

I speak from a place of domestic violence, where I did not see the red flags for ten years. I wasted ten years of my life with someone who was aggressive and verbally abusive. His meanness accelerated until I had to flee in the middle of the night. Just sayin' Chad, good luck if you two can work this out, but in the end, you must be responsible for your own health.

[Debi Amador 120]

Chad, my husband wasn't very supportive at the beginning and it took me telling him that I have been dieting and exercising for years and it isn't working. I also told him that I am afraid I am going to die without it. He kind of gave in and became supportive (some what).

But my husband and I have been together for over 14 years, 10 years married with 2 kids. I really hope I would say if somebody after 13 months is going to be that negative about me trying to help my health I would walk away. There is always other men and if they aren't willing to do everything to make you better then you have to ask what their problem is...

I am sure you already know that surgery alone is not a cure, just another tool.

Good Luck!

[rbtnln 81]

AWESOME!!!

@@rbtnln Here in California it is legal.

[NinaVSG1124 9]

Hey everyone. So this is my first post here. I called the bariatric center close to my house and have then my insurance info and I was told the next day that my surgery would be covered 100%. I have my New Patient seminar on Tuesday. I saw my PCP yesterday and told him about my choice of the surgery and he thought it was a great idea. My BMI is 40.0 and I was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I told my family about getting the sleeve and they've been very supportive about it.

Now, my boyfriend on the other hand, he doesn't like the idea of the surgery one bit. He thinks it's cheating and a shortcut and that I'm just being lazy. I've tried explaining to him that the sleeve could save my life. Then he expresses concern because anything can happen while under anesthesia. I understand where he's coming from. He actually told me last week that if I get the surgery he'll break up with me. Today equals 13 months since we've been together.

I've tried explaining to him the benefits of the surgery but I just don't know what else to say to him to get him on board. When I told him about the seminar on Tuesday, he made a face and got very serious but didn't argue with me about it.

Has anyone been through something similar with a spouse/ bf or gf? Any tips you have for me? I'm excited about my weight loss journey and I love seeing everybody's before and after pics. I can't wait to join you guys on this rollercoaster of bariatric surgery.

Chad

Hi Chad!!! Congratulations on considering WLS! I'm a week away from getting Sleeved and my bf of 10 yrs on and off doesn't approve but guess what I could care less and I told him straight up, you don't like it and can't support me there's the door. You see Chad, I'm going to be 36 in 4 mos and all.my life I've dealt with weightgain, my mom and sisters are thin and im the lil fat sheep of my family and so I know this surgery is for MY benefit. You have to do what's best for you sweetie and your health. If your bf can't be there to support you, then he shouldn't be there to Celebrate you as well. When someone truly loves you they will be there for you no matter what even when they don't believe in your plight. Be excited and think of the possibilities ahead, I think to myself of the world out there I will experience once again but as a thinner and healthier person. Good luck ?de0a

Edited July 13, 2014 by NinaVSG1124

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

when you are ready to get the surgery, you will move ahead despite the naysayers.

[boccob81 244]

Live life for you to be happy ! Don't let others bring you down . It's easy for people think that it's cheating I guess I use to think that way !

But after years of yoyo up and down in weight I realized it's not cheating but a tool to be used to achieve my goals and force me to stay true to me . He might be afraid of losing you after your weight comes off and other men start making there advances toward you . Or you might realize something in you and change the relationship also . I have heard a lot of people breaking up after wls for different reasons . So there might be other reasons he don't wNt you to do it but you need to find what's going to make you happy

[chad.vicious 23]

Hello everyone. So a lot has happened since I made this thread. My boyfriend and I are on wonderful terms and he understands why I need the surgery. We had a heart-to-heart a few nights ago and we're finally on the same page. He understands he overreacted but he was scared. Scared of losing me while under the knife or losing me after I lost the weight. Either way, I let him know that I'll always be here for him and I wouldn't leave him if I lost a significant amount of weight. He also feared I'd leave him if he gained weight while I lost it. I wouldn't throw away a year and a half of us being together for something silly like that. Thank you all for the support you've shown me. By the way, my surgery date is August 12, 2014

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Oh, Chad -- you're young, you're a guy (with all that wonderful high metabolism men have), and you've already lost 80 pounds. You will lose your excess weight like a house afire!

What an adventure you're on. Please let us know how you're doing along the way.

Very best,

Ann

[ELPMax 1]

Good Luck on the Surgery Chad. At least he was willing to show the concern for your well being. I have noticed the same from my girlfriend some of the insecurity she has. I have addressed it no different then you did. Just keep reminding your boyfriend that he is what is important to you. :-)