my boyfriend doesn't approve of the surgery

[rodeomom969 39]

I'm really sorry you don't have his support. My husband and adult children are so supportive. I even wanted to reschedule my surgery to the fall (my surgery date is the 14th) because of some upcoming travel and they all said "NO, you do this for yourself now. Don't put it off." All it would have taken was a little bit of encouragement from them going along with my delay and I would have in a second. My point is, without my support system I would probably chicken out. Good luck and stand your ground.

[piercedqt78 658]

I want to make a statement that my surgeon reminded me of this evening. I saw him at a social event hosted by my bariatric team, and I thanked him for saving my life. He reminded me that he didn't fix me, he gave me the tools to fix myself. I gave him a huge hug, and thanked him for the tools, and for believing in me, and for having a staff that is amazing cheerleaders and great support. I saw a group of post-op patients doing a fashion show this evening, and the people that walked the catwalk had lost a total of 2,200 pounds, I was dumbfounded when that number was announced. There were mother daughter teams that were sleeved together, and husband/wife pairs as well. I will say that my support came from friends, and my daughter, not my partner in the beginning, and now that he is on board things are much much easier. Going into the operating room without his support was hard, and I cried all the way down that hallway, and went under sobbing. The nurse held my hand, and told me that she would be my support if I needed someone and he didn't come around. I'm lucky and glad he did come around, and now my hubby is an amazing cheerleader, but I will say doing it with someone being negative is HARD.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I'd tell him to suck it (or not), personally. He doesn't agree with surgery? Awesome! He shouldn't have it.

This is not about him, this is about YOU and your health. If he truly loves you, he will come around. If he doesn't, you deserve someone who will.

Edited April 5, 2014 by LipstickLady

[NMJG 1,266]

Chad, I can't add anything that hasn't already been said, but I wanted to show my support for you. Sending hugs.

[Danni-doinit4me 140]

My husband was not on board for me to get the lap band, when I brought up the fact that I was looking at continuing what I had started 4 years earlier. I just looked at him and told him that I was not asking your permission, but I do need your support!!! He went with me to all of the informational meetings and to meet the surgeon, that was when we found out about the sleeve and he was totally on board for that! I was kind of surprised, but happy. I hope he comes around and can support you, you really need positive people in your life!

[AR40 88]

So it really comes down to what you need and want... You need support and it sounds like approval as well. Ask for both. You may be surprised what you get when you ask for it.

[chad.vicious 23]

Thanks for all the support, everyone. You guys are great. So we kinda talked it over and he was hesitant, but he said if my PCP is on board and if I see a therapist and he/she is on board, then he'll be okay with it. I haven't been to therapy in 3 years but I found myself a therapist and start sessions on Wednesday. I hope she sees that I need this as a tool to help me save my life. I don't want to prematurely lose my life as a result of obesity and diabetes.

My boyfriend's brother passed away 7 years ago when he went into a diabetic coma. I know he wants me to be safe and he's scared I could never wake up from the operating table but I've reassured him that this isn't a new surgery. Doctors have perfected it and specialize in this stuff.

My PCP is already on board and I'm gonna start therapy next week. I hope he sticks by my side through the process. If not, that's fine, but I'm not gonna let anyone hold me back from achieving my goals. He really is the sweetest guy and we're planning a future together but I don't want the future shortened by something that could be fixed by the sleeve. He's coming around, I think. I mention it now and he's not so defensive.

We have friends who have had the sleeve done and gastric bypasses. They all look incredible now. I guess we both have a lot to think about.

[chad.vicious 23]

@@rbtnln Here in California it is legal.

[luckyknickers57 62]

Hi Chad, welcome. I will say this, my husband has always been with heavy women, and I was no exception. He married me when I was a size 18. He wasn't totally on board on with the surgery either, and we have a 12 year old daughter. I wanted to be able to be her mom for the long haul. I wanted to be around to attend her wedding, and also to see her have kids of her own. My ever expanding waistline wasn't going to let that happen. I was on track for a stroke, type 2 diabetes, and who know what else. He didn't threaten to leave me, but he wasn't very supportive. He didn't attend my seminar, or any of my pre-op meetings. He even tried to talk my PCP out of clearing me for surgery. I did everything on my own, and pushed forward to save my own life and health. I had a lapband, for almost 8 years, and had complications, he wanted me to have the band removed, and not have the sleeve. I had only lost 40 pounds, and I was gaining that back quickly. So I again pushed on without his approval, or support. Now I'm down from 244 pounds to 115, and he is so happy with my energy level, greatly improved health, and my renewed self confidence. He now attends my followup appointments, insists on taking me to my NUT appts, and has been great about ordering foods that I can share with him, so that I can eat healthy, and not be stuck with 4 or 5 meals worth of leftovers. After he saw the amazing results, and how the surgery improved my life he sat me down and said how sorry he was for not being there for me through my struggles with my weight, and the 2 surgeries. He said he was afraid he would lose me and didn't want to even imagine life without me. And he said that seeing me going into surgery and then coming out with drains, and not being able to eat was really hard for him. He explained that he knew I was struggling, but out of fear he didn't feel able to support me the way he should have supported me. What I want to say is that you have to do this surgery for YOU, and no one else. Don't let anyone talk you out of doing what is right for you, and what is best for your health, and future. Don't let your boyfriend talk you out of getting the surgery that is being covered. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but he is your boyfriend right now, what if you break up and your insurance changes in the mean time, then you may or may not have coverage for your sleeve. Just think of this as a lifelong decision that will affect you, and who ever is in your future. Don't let someone's fear keep you from taking charge of your body and health.

How true, I've lost my best friend of over twenty five years through WL, and I haven't had the surgery yet. When I think back she encouraged me to fail each and every time I started a new diet and WL regime..... This time I am not being stopped. Sad, but I lost my friend not my life...... Your boyfriend may be struggling to accept the changes this surgery may bring to you and your relationship. But don't be surprised if you have to choose. Good luck and I really hope that he turns the corner.

[Seela 1,187]

I'd tell him to suck it (or not), personally. He doesn't agree with surgery? Awesome! He shouldn't have it.

This is not about him, this is about YOU and your health. If he truly loves you, he will come around. If he doesn't, you deserve someone who will.

Haha! That totally made me lol... whenever my husband "reminds" me that he likes long hair I tell him he should stop getting his cut all the time then. You gotta do what's best for you!

[mickeylumbo 11]

Hi Chad- thank you for posting and sharing your story. I want you to know that you have inspired me so much. I think your honesty is courageous. I think that in many cases our loved ones are so fearful (of change) that they consciously or unconsciously try to sabotage our efforts to take control of managing our own health. Your boyfriends threat of leaving you made my blood boil, but he was likely striking out from fear. That being said - you deserve love, happiness and good health. If he stands in the way of that, you should re-evaluate your relationship and what your needs are not only now, but also in the future. I wish you all the best in your journey, both in life and in love! Keep posting. OH!! I almost forgot... my surgery is in 6 days so I will be on this blog alot... im a little nervous. Take care ~ Scott

[chad.vicious 23]

@@mickeylumbo Thank you for the kind words. Congratulations and good luck. I'm sure everything will be fine and we'll all be here for you after the surgery. I'm excited for you. This is my first thread on a forum here and everybody has been so amazing. If only everyone was this kind everywhere. I hope you post about your journey. I'd like to watch your progress and experience your joys with you. Good luck with everything. Inbox me if you ever wanna chat.

[mickeylumbo 11]

@@mickeylumbo Thank you for the kind words. Congratulations and good luck. I'm sure everything will be fine and we'll all be here for you after the surgery. I'm excited for you. This is my first thread on a forum here and everybody has been so amazing. If only everyone was this kind everywhere. I hope you post about your journey. I'd like to watch your progress and experience your joys with you. Good luck with everything. Inbox me if you ever wanna chat.

This app is new to me and I am very confused on how to post, reply or direct message. I will try my best to lesrn cuz I think I will need it over the next fee dsys before my surgery. I had no idea that this many people are having this procedure done-- all over the country.

[mickeylumbo 11]

@@mickeylumbo Thank you for the kind words. Congratulations and good luck. I'm sure everything will be fine and we'll all be here for you after the surgery. I'm excited for you. This is my first thread on a forum here and everybody has been so amazing. If only everyone was this kind everywhere. I hope you post about your journey. I'd like to watch your progress and experience your joys with you. Good luck with everything. Inbox me if you ever wanna chat.

I dont know how to "in box"

[chad.vicious 23]

@@mickeylumbo They're not just getting it done here in the US. I've read posts of people getting it done in Mexico, Japan, and Australia. This community is amazing. I've never felt so much support and encouragement before. It really is great.