Frustrated (long)

[claraluz 2]

I feel I have to be really honest and hopefully some of you will have some words of wisdom for me. I can't remember when I last lost a pound. In fact, I've gained three.

Although I had read before hand that the band is not magic, at first it seemed like it was. Fifty pounds melted off of me despite the fact that I basically wasn't following any of the band rules very often and was eating whatever I wanted. Well, the honeymoon's been over for months now and I've realized that those rules are there for a reason and that I can't continue to eat junk and continue to eat around the band if I want to lose more weight. But I've had a really rough time getting control of my eating and the really discouraging part is that I feel the same frustrations that I did pre-band. I really don't want to diet again because I feel that's part of what got me here in the first place, but I've about decided that dieting is what I have to do. Except I haven't been able to discipline myself to do it.

For the past week or so, I've been focusing on following the Omega-3 diet rules. It isn't a weight loss diet, it's more of a diet that is intended to improve cardiovascular health, blood glucose levels, and mood. This has come about because after going down post-banding, both my blood glucose and my cholesterol were slightly high again. I've been eating healthier since I started doing this diet and I feel better, but I still haven't lost any weight.

I've been in therapy for a year, so that is not the answer.

I've been exercising fairly regularly all along and have recently stepped up the amount. I try to ride my bike every day between 5 and 7 miles. Or else I walk about a mile or so. Wimpy, I know, but I am very faithful about it.

Restriction? It seems pretty good, I guess. I don't know, it's so hard to really know what the "sweet spot" is. I know that I am burping a lot and that sometimes I feel I need to burp, but can't.

I know that occasionally I'll have a slime experience. But it still seems that I can eat a pretty good amount of food. For example, for lunch just now, I ate about 1/4 cup of firm tofu and about 2 cups of a fresh cabbage and onion dish. And I did not feel anything at all from the band. Does that seem like a lot?

So there it is. I'm frustrated with myself and I feel like I'm in pre-bandlandia all over again.

Nancy

[donali 57]

Hi Nancy -

I feel your pain, I truly do.

Dieting really ISN'T the answer. However, it DOES sound like you do need to change the ratios of the foods you are eating, if you are indeed, as you say, eating around the band.

What kind of therapy are you in? Is it specific to eating disorders?

Have you spent time analyzing WHY you are choosing some of the foods you think you'd do better to eat less of? Taste, texture, and cravings are all reasons to choose less nutritious foods, but I believe that underlying those "obvious" reasons is usually something more.

Because food works on a chemical level in our bodies, it is not surprising that those of us who medicate with food gravitate to certain kinds of food when we are experiencing emotional stressors.

The only way to change that gravitation is to substitute something else that gives us the same desired result. If we're eating for entertainment, we need to find something else that entertains us as well as food. If we're eating because we're nervous or upset, we need to find something else to do that is equally soothing.

I don't know what kind of work you are doing with your therapist, but I really would suggest that you keep an emotional diary, and list the foods you are eating. See if there is a correllation between types of foods and your emotions. If you can draw any kind of parallels there, try making a list of alternate activities you can try instead of eating for emotional reasons.

I don't have a lot of specifics about what you eat on average, or the number of calories you're consuming on average, so this is my best advice on your general question.

Please remember that the fact that you are within 10 pounds of your lowest post-band weight is a huge accomplishment, and do not despair or get down on yourself. Look at this like a puzzle, and see if you can figure out which piece is turned upside down.

We'll help analyze any way we can!

**hugs**

[babsyintx 0]

Nancy,

Please dont get discouraged. Now that I have lost 136 pounds, it is getting harder and harder to lose the other 28-30 I still need to lose. The things I did to be successful and get to this place and the rules I followed before do not work as well anymore. It takes far less energy to move a person of 195 lbs than it did to move my 334 pound frame. So the quantity of food I was able to eat before during my ongoing weight loss is more than I need to continue losing weight as rapidly as I was before..

So one of three things have to happen. I either have to eat less than I am now, make better food choices more frequently or exercise more. One bad day of food choices sets me back 3-4 days on my weight loss track. So at least for me, I go back to the beginning and think like a new bandster.

Am I drinking enough Water?

Have I resorted to snacking needlessly within the 1100 calories a day I eat now?

Am I eating out too much? (Lots of hidden calories in restaurant food)

Is there anywhere I can make a cutback without feeling really deprived??

Am I exercising enough?

Do I have enough restriction to get me where I want to go?

THe most important thing is that you are not in denial and that you are reaching out for help. It is really easy to get complacent. I speak first hand on this topic. But if you do get complacent or want to stay complacent for a little while and wait to step up the progress, the band will still be there for you. And the best part is as long as you are not sabotaging yourself, you will not gain back the weight you have lost so far. And dont be down about a 2 pound gain. The body fluctuates so much on a daily basis. my weight fluctuates 2-4 pounds in one day! What you are experiencing is a plateau. At least you know what it takes for your body to maintain. And I think you know that you need to eat less now to lose again. So hang in there.

Babs in TX

334/198/170

-136

6/23/03

[La_madam 20]

Nancy, there is a woman here on this board who was frustrated and dealing with issues. She made a comittment to herself to call one of us each night of the week for a week. It helped her to get back on the wagon. Maybe if you need extra support you can do the same. I know I would be willing to have you call me anytime you are struggling. Sometimes that extra boost of support on a more personal level is all it takes. You need to look at the big picture and see the progress you have made thus far. You have done an incredible job. Where else would you have lost this ammount of weight without giving up to only put it all back on and then some? Hang in there. You know you can do this..tomorrow is a new day. Don't give up!!

[claraluz 2]

Donali,

My therapy really isn't focused on food, though that has been a part of it. I feel there's really no mystery to my eating problems. I almost never overeat or eat anything unhealthy in the morning or while I'm at work. But at night, eating high-carb junk on a more or less continual basis seems to solve all my problems (for the moment). It helps me relax. If I'm feeling bad, it makes me feel better. If I'm bored, it's something to do. If I want to take a mental vacation, it helps me to zone out. I do have other very effective ways to do all of these things. Exercise helps with almost anything that ails me. Cooking and listening to music is a great way to relax. But those methods involve a lot more time and energy than grabbing a bag of popcorn. The irony, of course, is that eating right and exercising makes me feel much better than popcorn ever could! So why don't I stick with it? I do know why I overeat and I do have other ways of achieving the same goals. But sometimes it's just a matter of finding the discipline. And sometimes I don't know how to summon the discipline. I've done better for the last week or so, as I say, but that's a pretty common phenomenon, too. A few weeks of eating right and then I lose the discipline and turn to easily to old, bad habits.

Babs,

Thanks for your kind words. You've done great!! I do feel better just putting the whole truth out there.

Nancy

[Iluvharleys 15]

Nancy -

I have been doing the South Beach Diet, and I honestly can say after the two week of detoxing you won't crave any of the junk stuff. I lost 11 pounds the first two weeks, but more than anything else I felt so much better getting all the junk food out of my system. After the first two weeks, the weight hardley came off, but with eating that way, I actually felt so good that I kept up with the eating plan. I also lost quite a few inches. I just have a problem with any diet that I go on, I can lose up to 20 pounds and then it doesn't matter how long I stick to it I stay the same. But if you want to get a hand on eliminating the junck food, it is a great way to go.

Betty

[claraluz 2]

Michelle, thanks. I may take you up on that. My doctor pretty much already considers me to be a success. I've lost almost the average amount of weight that people with the band lose. But of course, I want more! And just in case there is anyone here who is trying to decide whether or not to get the band, let me say that there is absolutely no way I could have come this far without it. I would do it again in a heartbeat. And considering how I've been eating recently, without the band I would have gained all my weight back by now. It's just that now the "head knowledge" I had about the band not being magic has become more than theoretical. I know for sure now that it's real.

Nancy

[donali 57]

Nancy, it sounds like you have done some really great work, both physically and mentally.

How does one get the motivation to do the things we know will help us?? That is a wonderful question.

At our top weights, most of us were in crisis. We could not do the normal, everyday activities that our friends and family enjoyed. Just doing the bare minimum of routines was a challenge and chore. For some of us, personal hygiene was even an issue.

When you are at a point of crisis, it is much easier to find the motivation to change. Life becomes unbearable to continue along the same path.

Once that pressing crisis has been relieved, however, it does seem more difficult to find motivation to continue.

I really do think that our attitudes and focus have a lot to do with it, and when we are no longer in crisis about our weight, weightloss as a motivator is not very compelling.

Perhaps you could find another, MORE compelling reason to eat healthier more often besides weightloss. Perhaps a goal of a marathon, or a long hiking trip, or something like that can change your focus more towards a healthy lifestyle where continued weightloss is a by-product, instead of a focus. Leatha's dance lessons are a good example. She's out having fun, not focusing on her weight - but I've no doubt the dancing will help her achieve her weightloss goals.

And of course, there is always the possibility that deep down somewhere in your subconscious, you ARE at your goal. Is it impossible for you to see yourself happy at your current weight? Do you feel like you're a failure? I feel like you're a success!

If I get anymore bright ideas I'll pass them along, but I'm kind of in the same boat as you are - you already have more motivation than I do - you're actually exercising consistently!!

I have to accept the fact that for whatever reason, consistent exercise has not been important enough to me to be sure I do it. I am not motivated to exercise. I would like to lose more, but I may not be willing to change enough to do so. But I am still thrilled with myself where I am! And if I STAYED where I am, that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

I think about it everyday, and know that my opportunity to change exists for as long as I draw breath...

**hugs**

[New Hope 37]

Nancy, you had been unfilled because of possible slippage, right? How much have you been refilled since? Could it be possible that you just need a little extra boost (fill)? You have lost an incredible amount of weight! I find evenings when I want to snack more. I guess old habits die hard. Your feelings of comfort from food are all too familiar! I got a .3 fill yesterday because I needed it. Just that little bit made a difference in my cravings. Congratulations on the exercise! You're so right, you do feel better after exercising. I've slacked off the last 2-3 weeks. I find myself wanting to eat high-carbs more and just feeling more sluggish. I'll be rooting for you!

P. S. We have a great doctor and staff in our corner!

[Rebeccalee 2]

What great advice from everyone. I hope you feel better about your progress and have the encouragement to continue with your goals.

I have the same trouble with eating in the evenings and haven't found good ways to avoid it. It sounds like you are a very experienced and insightful bandster. Hope things get back on track for you.

[hagerteresa 3]

Nancy,

I too have that evening munchie syndrome and it is a pain isn't it. I try to look for healthier Snacks but that only works about 1/2 the time. You have done incredible well and I admire you for that. I think you struggle with something most of us struggle with and can relate. Hope you figure out what works and keep us posted, Teresa

[claraluz 2]

Thanks for the support everyone. I really mean that.

Donali, what you wrote rang true for me. The difficulties I experienced when I was MO (instead of just 0bese) were much more serious than those I have now, so of course my motivation was higher.

Am I somehow subconciously satisfied with my current weight loss? Well, I'm really not satisfied, but yeah, I don't feel the urgency about it that I did before.

So I guess that is why my motivation is lower now. But I think I have to focus on my health, which is still being negatively impacted by my weight. I've got to keep my eye on that prize.

Nancy

[dishdiva 5]

Nancy --

Our surgeries were within a day of each other, so I've always followed your progress with lots of admiration -- as well as that of other bandsters from August 03.

At the risk of sounding repetitive, you have done amazingly well. And you're physically active, which is prolonging your life, helping your heart, your bones, everything!

Another nighttime snacker here... I've kept food journals for years, and it changed only when I was too tight and/or having reflux and bad side effects from slippage. Otherwise, the multiple Snacks aren't in my food journal nights when I'm busy -- either with some kind of intense chore (although Donali's porch would be way over my head), being with friends or whatever. Turning off the TV helps. Going up to my bedroom away from my "eating chair" in front of the TV helps. Visiting these boards helps. Computer games.

And, along the lines of Donali's thinking, food serves a lot of purposes for me...as it does with many of us... it medicates when I'm tired, stressed angry, lonely...name it. Every day is a new opportunity for me to realize that food is fuel and nothing more....

Also a recovering dieter. I do like the concept of the South Beach thing...if you can approach as a way of life and not a "diet."

To give you a silver lining, I'm one of the ones whose band has slipped. So I have no fill and am fighting to not gain more than the 10 pounds I've gained in three months. It is so hard. And what someone said about adjusting to the fact that my body requires less food just to maintain this lower weight than when I was pre-surgery... I'd be thrilled with a two pound gain and a working band! Hang in there hon!

Elizabeth

8/28/03

-60

+10 since 6/21/04 unfill

[Sultana 0]

Hi Nancy,

I certainly cannot offer you suggestions, but I can sincerely empathize. I have been banded for 9 months and have only lost 35 pounds. It did take me longer than most to get to proper restriction, and my Dr. is very conservative with fills. I am now at 3.2 and finally have some restriction (it is off and on like I hear from other bandees), and I feel like I eat very little, yet I don't lose. I would love to have lost your 50. My Dr. did do a resting metabolic rate on me, and it was lousy, from what I understand---about 1800, and I have been hypothyroid since I was 18. I exercise too consistently, but I could step it up. I DON'T think your tofu meal was alot by any means. I am shocked (considering my state) that 50 pounds just fell off. I really, really, really understand your frustration. I so wish that someone could give both of us the magic advice. I'm sitting here now having not eaten all day since I have been up (4 hours ago), and wondering how I could NOT lose weight. When I have good days, I know that without the band I would not have lost the 35 pounds, and I am so much the better for having done so---lots of improvements. Having experienced minor success (considering the many pounds waiting to be lost), I am depressed about being on an extended or permanent plateau. Please keep me posted, and let me know if you find something to spur your loss, okay?

Sultana

[leatha_g 4]

Originally posted by Sultana

I'm sitting here now having not eaten all day since I have been up (4 hours ago), and wondering how I could NOT lose weight.

Hi Sultana!

I also empathize with you as I have what seems to be a pretty terrible metabolism, however, I've been told that this situation above is exactly one of my biggest problems. I am terrible about NOT eating, which tells my metabolism that it needs to hold onto whatever I give it. In order for our metabolism to work, we must feed it. I am notorious for skipping Breakfast, maybe not even having a drink of Water until late evening on same days (mostly pre-band days), then, of course, I'm starving or have a sick headache when I finally realize my body is just reacting to the fact that I haven't fed it or give it any hydration.

In order to get your metabolism moving, you must feed it! Try Protein shakes, Protein Bars, high Fiber Cereal. Anything first thing in the morning will help to get your metabolism burning which in turn helps you to lose weight. We must get in a certain amount of calories or it's just not going to budge.

It's a hard habit to break. I know.. but, just change one thing. It's bound to help.

Good luck to you..

Leatha