I NEED a buddy!

[techsasgirl 3]

I am in urgent need of a mentor/support buddy. I am several years post op. I was getting comfortable with my size about 18 months after surgery. I really don't know what happened after that.

I know that I got super busy with work. I got laid off. I have a gazillion responsibilities with the kids. I have four children, one about to start college, one sophomore, one 8th grader, and one in elementary. I became a PTA president ( dumb, I know ). I did TONS of volunteer work until I started my new job. Somewhere in the span of these past 6 years, I have been a faithful wife of a deputy who has had four episodes of unstable angina, and has undergone 4 PTCAs and has had 7 stents placed. That was a bit distracting. Long story short, life happened. I know that life happens to everyone, but I let myself forget that I'm a lap-band patient.

Sure, I was used to everyone commenting on how little I ate, but I could usually explain all that away. I ate what I wanted when I wanted, and I didn't bat an eye. I really didn't notice any difference in my life. But I had a reality check recently when I couldn't fit into one of my old scrub tops. What the hell??? I realized that for the last 5 months, I really have packed on some weight. I hadn't weighed myself in over a year. Since I got down to 175, I was pretty satisfied, so I just stopped doing it. I went in to work and weighed myself, and I found that my new weight is 202! I thought about things. I've been having severe reflux, to the point of waking up choking on my own vomit (essentially). I gained 27 pounds in 5 months. I was just a hot mess. Clearly, I know better. So I FINALLY went in and saw by surgeon. He remarked how proud he was because he hadn't seen me since 2008, but I was at the same weight as I was in 2008. I had to explain to him that I had gotten down to 175, and had a recent issue with weight gain.

I realized, as I drove home yesterday, that I really did fool myself into thinking my relationship with food had changed. And really, it has in some ways, but I guess not in a good way. I developed a passion for the culinary arts about two years after surgery, and have become quite the food snob. I make my own EVERYTHING from scratch. I use fresh ingredients. I use (GASP!) butter, half and half, and real, honest-to-goodness eggs. I know! I drink great wine. I know! I'm a crazy lady. I thought that since my portions were so small, it wasn't a big deal for me to enjoy good food. Clearly, 27 pounds later, I was wrong. My relationship with food is just as unhealthy as ever. I just eat better food.

My doctor said that the reflux and tenderness around my port was due to the weight gain. He unfilled me and placed me on a liquid diet for 2 weeks. I haven't even made it one full week, and I've eaten 3 meals. They were not unhealthy at all ( for example: grilled tilapia and steamed veggies when we went out for the boss' birthday yesterday), but I had ZERO self control. Why didn't I stick with Water? Because I suck at this! I WANT to be healthy. I WANT to be sexy. I WANT to feel comfortable in my own skin. But I have come to realize that I SUCK at self control. I would love to lean on my husband for support, but 1) he doesn't understand this struggle, and 2) he's hardly ever home. Seriously. I feel like (and get confused with being) a single mom the majority of the time.

So please, is there anyone out there who gets me? I need your help. I need to share email addresses, etc. I need help from someone. I have been a good girl today. I've only had coffee with Splenda and ff non-dairy Creamer, 1 Atkins shake, and chicken broth. I'm good right now. But who knows about tomorrow?

[zoefruitcake 7]

Hello, I'm only newly banded, so I don't think I'm the buddy you are after but I just wanted to offer the positives I have just read. Your doctor saw you as a success, you've dealt with lots of difficult things in the interim and you want to make changes. You say you are ok for today but who knows about tomorrow, well none of us ever knows what tomorrow brings and if you keep on taking things one day at a time I think you will be in a good position to succeed.

[WillHenry 13]

You care. That's half the battle. You are human, and that's how the rest of it happened. I am newly banded, but I don't think that keeps me from understanding the feelings you have. It's human nature, and especially as a mother, it's your natural instinct to put 4 kids and a sick husband ahead of yourself. (I'm a guy, and say that in a complimentary way). Take some time for yourself, don't beat yourself up, and move forward. If you execute your current plan, even with some regressions, you will end up being better off a year from now than you would have been without action. Long story short... don't beat yourself up. You are a mother of 4, and a wife. If some grilled tilapia and steamed veggies at your boss' party are your greatest transgressions of the week, then you are ahead of 99% of the human population!

[enjoythetime 1,457]

techsagirl,

I heard you say alot of things that brought me back to before I had the band. The sense of hopelessness,we've all been there, we find comfort in food in bad times and in good. The best thing about all of this is you now have a FABULOUS tool that will help you get back on track. That is one of the things that sold me on getting the band, it's forever, it's adjustable and flexible (when we're not able to be some times).

You CAN do this and look at it this way, you caught yourself and did something about it before it got waaay out of control which is half the battle! If we all would have done something for ourselves when we noticed we gained 25lbs, we wouldn't have needed the surgery. Don't beat yourself up, what's done is done, focus on the positive in the situation and that is you took the first step, you're doing something about it and you're searching for help and support and that is honestly one of the hardest things to do some times!!! You sound like a very strong person, you WILL make it and we're all here to support you along the way!

[techsasgirl 3]

You guys are awesome for pointing out some positives I didn't see. Thank you. Can any of you tell me what helps you stick with it?

[enjoythetime 1,457]

You guys are awesome for pointing out some positives I didn't see. Thank you. Can any of you tell me what helps you stick with it?

Its not always easy. I told myself that if I let my weight get so out of control that I required surgery to get my life back, failure is not an option. My family keeps me going. I have kids I want to set a good healthy example for, i have a husband who supports me and i want to make him proud. It got to the point where I felt like my 6 year old was ashamed of me and that just broke my heart and that was honestly my breaking point. So whenever it gets tough I think of who other than myself I would be letting down.

[gowalking 10,790]

This site helps me to be accountable. I keep the ticker on my signature even after hitting goal and I think about how it would look to go in the wrong direction.

I don't have the magic words you need but I can tell you that the fact that you are trying to turn it around after a 25 lb. gain rather than after gaining it all back, shows that you are trying to reverse the slide. Good for you.

[techsasgirl 3]

Compliant bandsters are successful bandsters. I like that!

This site helps me to be accountable. I keep the ticker on my signature even after hitting goal and I think about how it would look to go in the wrong direction.

I don't have the magic words you need but I can tell you that the fact that you are trying to turn it around after a 25 lb. gain rather than after gaining it all back, shows that you are trying to reverse the slide. Good for you.

[apple2hourglass? 5]

As another newbie (4 days out) I doubt I am the best support either but would be happy to jump on the wagonload of support as we all struggle. Even we newbies may have some good advice or fresh words of support. pM me if you want.

[ChristineZ 41]

2weeks post op as well! But I'm here for support! I know I will need it too! Our support group in my town no longer is around! ????

[apple2hourglass? 5]

Happy to see others posting. @ 4 days out I find myself avoiding tv commercials. I don't want to crave things just because I see them. I am too new at this. I know that real life will be full of temptations and tough choices, but I am trying to stay away from where foods are "in my face" for a few more weeks.