mean people

[ElyQuint 446]

I am sharing this because everyone has that relative with an unfortunate personality. I come from "hard huggers" but they always surprise me. Last night at dinner my aunt asked what I planned to do about "all that extra skin". When I said I didn't anticipate enough for it to matter she said "do you think that's realistic?". Now, I'm 5'2 and started at 288 aiming for 130 (anticipating a normal regain to 160). I expect flappiness but not medically damaging flappiness and I personally don't care. If hangies cause rashes i will have it removed. I'm just AMAZED that she thought this was a socially acceptable approach. To be fair, she was raised by hard huggers and consequently has poor social skills. I'm clearly laughing about it but I knew you folks would appreciate it.

[Carol1560 45]

I would have asked her "Do you want it?" And I think that would have told her what she needed to know and injected a little humor in it.

Hold on girlie, cause you are going to get all types of unexpected questions and comments about your journey.

It's all good

[ElyQuint 446]

Thanks for the warning Carol!

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

That is why my husband and I have not shared our surgery with everyone. I have ZERO tolerance for rudeness and inquiring minds. I do not want my weight loss to be anyone's topic. I guess you need to start thinking sharp answers ahead of your gatherings, lol!

[backwhereIbelong 16]

No, what's REALISTIC is, it's none of your freaking business! Good for you that you handled it so well.

[greensleeve 457]

I would say "what are you going to do about your droopy boobs and face?" Lol.

[ElyQuint 446]

I must say I relish the chance to respond to rude people and that's why I tell everyone! As far as I'm concerned weight loss or gain is always the topic of other people's conversations!

[katesuccess 990]

I"m in a pretty public job and over the years when I've lost weight people have felt free to say some seriously odd things to me about it. What I've found (at least in my personal case) is that I really don't think they intend to be rude. It just is - and then often they'll realize it and say - "Oh sorry, none of my business" or something like that. When I at least try to imagine they aren't trying to be mean, it's less disastrous. But then - we all have those people who really and truly ARE mean, don't we?!

I remember when I once got down to a size 8 skirt from a size 20 -22, and my (then size 16) sister said I was being thoughtless since I now wasn't interested in anything but my being a size 8...it really hurt. She'd happily spend hours talking diets, fads and eating with me, but sharing my joy at accomplishing something SHE could not at the time? Well it was too much for her. She wasn't self-aware enough to realize how bad it made me feel or how hurtful that was. That's easier to forgive than the group that was all set to hire me for a new job (weight doesn't impact my ability to do what they wanted) and when they flew me out and saw me in person took a pass and got me out of there as fast as they could. THAT was judgmental and --mean!

[ElyQuint 446]

Agreed Katie. My aunt is so good at saying the inappropriate thing that I sometimes wonder if she spends her night coming up with them. I feel bad cause I know I'm guilty of the same thing sometimes. But when someone is intentionally hurtful its a much more disturbing thing.

[dfwtxmissy 108]

I understand but at the same time will be quick to bite back if I think they are just being mean and assinine.

I don't do nosiness and rude.

I have a co worker who had the lapband then revised to the sleeve. She got it as an easy fix and did lose the weight and is gaining it back because she eats all the wrong foods. The first thing she said to me when my weight loss became quite evident was "Oh you will gain it back!" My off the cuff and filterless response was "I doubt it. I know what I need to do to keep it off..Do you?"...she got quiet really quick and has never made catty remarks again.

I believe that the majority of the folks who make a rude comment, are jealous of our fight and will say whatever to make us just as miserable as they are. Don't let them.

You all are awesome and do so enjoy this journey.

[yolicious1 64]

I would have asked her "Do you want it?" And I think that would have told her what she needed to know and injected a little humor in it.

It's all good

Great answer!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

@@ElyQuint Your weight loss is going to be the subject of others around you whether you like it or not. You're not invisible and you're pretty too, so you are going to get attention. In fact the smaller you get the more you will get remarks, some very nice and some catty. Try not to allow others unhappiness become your own. I liked your response, which was no response. I think when you respond unkind you are soaking up negativity and trying to release it upon others. Negativity is like a cancer it will grow and kill happiness.

You're doing fine and this is a really good subject.

[Seela 1,187]

@@ElyQuint Your weight loss is going to be the subject of others around you whether you like it or not. You're not invisible and you're pretty too, so you are going to get attention. In fact the smaller you get the more you will get remarks, some very nice and some catty. Try not to allow others unhappiness become your own. I liked your response, which was no response. I think when you respond unkind you are soaking up negativity and trying to release it upon others. Negativity is like a cancer it will grow and kill happiness.

You're doing fine and this is a really good subject.

I agree... why bring yourself down to that level? Doesn't that put you in the same category? Personally I find, for the most part, I try to fight the "meanness" with sugar sweetness. That usually throws people off and leaves them sputtering.

[gastricsleever 259]

I'm down 50lbs so far and I sadly told ONE person in the office that I thought I could trust. She told "one person" ( which, you know the drill, means they told "one person", etc.) anyway, so one coworker walks up to me yesterday (I don't typically work with her and haven't seen her for months) she said to me "Rachel you are looking good!" I said "thank you, I've been working hard, watching what I eat and exercising and seeing a nutritionist." She doesn't say anything and she smirks and says "yeah, but you had surgery right?" It was such a snide remark and she meant it exactly as it sounds "you had surgery so your weight loss doesn't really count." I'm already very sensitive about it, hence why I didn't tell anyone. To be quite honest, I'm embarrassed that I had to have the surgery, even though I honestly did work hard to lose weight without surgery. But that comment def threw me for a loop!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

@@covatila84 own your decision. If someone says that, respond that yes you did. It's okay to have WLS and you felt it enough to have it. The words out now so all you can do it own it.