Advice on dealing with rude, obnoxious father-in-law's comments?

[Comfy_Blue 285]

Edit: Sorry again for the mix up. It looks like one of the admin may have deleted my duplicate post, which stinks because this is the one i wanted deleted. It's okay though, I can repost the gist of what I had written.

The last time my in-laws saw me, I was 245lbs and squeezed into a sz 22 wedding dress. Now I'm 180lbs and wearing a loose sz 12. Husband and I are supposed to be taking a trip to see his parents in July.

I am concerned that my FIL is going to use my weight loss as a means to put my husband down. FIL is an ass and likes to belittle my husband and his siblings.

I can imagine him saying something stupid like "Looks like you found all the weight your wife lost" or "Guess your cushy office job doesn't pay enough for both of ya'll to eat".

Keep in mind my husband is about 317lbs (which is an accomplishment because he was up to 340lbs at one point, but has been working so hard). I'm sure if he were to mention that, his dad would say "well you're still fat! what size shirt do you wear? 3X or are you in 4's now?" or something obnoxious.

I'm not sure how to handle the comments that I'm sure will come from FIL. Has anyone experienced this and/or has advice?

Edited April 2, 2014 by Comfy_Blue

[Jessiegirl30 149]

I am sorry you have to deal with stuff like this, just a thought have you and your husband actually sat down with you FIL and talked to him privatley about how it makes you feel?

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[JeanZ_RN 378]

If privately doesn't work, you and/or your hubby could confront these remarks with something like "Well that's a hurtful thing to say!" or "Ouch! That was mean!" or "If you are going to be rude I will leave the room."

[Teachamy 1,042]

Your father-in-law sounds like an abusive bully. Have you talked with your husband about his dad's behavior? Does he agree that it is abuse, or does he make excuses for his father's behavior? I understand your anger and your desire to be protective of your husband, but it sounds like your husband (and his siblings) may need to work some of this stuff out with a therapist. That is, of course, if he is willing and can acknowledge that this is not "normal" fatherly teasing. How would your husband feel if you confronted your FIL's hateful behavior?

[Pepper123 320]

You're father in law sounds like a mean spirited person…This is no fun having some one who loves u saying mean comments like that…Maybe its time y'all let him know that those comments does not help and its mean...

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

uh, why would you go visit this person.., you need to read some books on toxic parents.

[Seela 1,187]

Personally, one comment like that and I would just say, I'm done, and leave. I have no tolerance for jerks like that, family or not.

[Comfy_Blue 285]

I think because he grew up with his dad he is intimidated and/or has accepted that his dad being a jerk is a part of life. Granted, husband has told me before that his dad's comments do hurt his feelings and he hates when his dad berates him for minor past mistakes.

I met my husband's sister before I met their dad and when I asked sister (who is really sweet, outgoing, and a cool chick) what their dad was like she described him in such a positive light I thought I would love him.

Then when I actually met him he was the exact opposite. (SIL said he was the strong, silent type most of the year but when he gets around family for the holidays, he lets his hair down, laughs, chats, smiles and is in great spirits. HA HA, the jokes was apparently on me.)

I'm not sure I would feel comfortable talking to my FIL because aside from the wedding, I've only seen my FIL twice (they live far away and while my mother in law is great and wanted to get to know me, FIL wasn't very interested. He didn't even speak to my parents at the wedding. Only MIL and my husband's grandparents were social with my parents.)

If he starts acting like his usual douchy self I guess excusing myself is the best option because having lost weight is making me more confident and I am finding that my tolerance for BS has gone down, especially when it comes to my husband. I'm not and doubt I will ever be a nasty person, but it makes me angry when anyone bullies another (because I have been bullied many times) especially someone I love so much,

Edited April 3, 2014 by Comfy_Blue

[Debi Amador 120]

I have some really bad in-laws, if I am fat then they ask my husband why he can't do better and if I am thinner then they tell him I must be getting ready to leave him. My husband and I know that they are like that and we just think of come-backs. When my FIL says WOW, looks like someone has lost some weight, I just pat his stomach and say, And somebody found it. Or tell my mother in law I could help her change her cooking to be healthier and "imply" it will help her loss weight too, it normally shuts them up about it. Just have fun with them, and remember they are only point out things they are afraid of.

[yoli2014 10]

Ughh.. Be glad they live far away! I'm Cuban.. They would regret trying to bully my family or myself! Good luck to you dear. Think of witty comebacks! Lol

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

My husband would handle his father. What might work is to leave the room immediately whenever you are both alone with the FIL, don't give him a chance to open his mouth. You will obviously be on edge on this visit. Pretend you do not hear him, do not acknowledge his rude comment, look at each other and start talking about some good movie you saw last week. Plan ahead, do not give him the satisfaction of catching you off guard. You can have fun playing a game with this and leave with a smile on your face, or DON'T GO. Life is short. Don't let anyone spoil your happiness. Good luck.