Informing my family and friends

[JulieA 8]

Hi everyone, I'm a few months into my journey. I've completed all of the insurance requirements, met with my surgeon, and made positive changes. I've only told 2 people about my surgery, which I expect to be performed in May--my husband, and my friend at work, who went through the surgery 6 months ago. Could anyone please offer advice on how to tell my children, and possibly my parents? My kids are 31, 29, 21, 19 & 15. I don't want them to worry, especially my youngest. I also don't want them to think that I've given up--I spent so much time teaching them to work hard and persevere. Now I feel like a hypocrite. I'm not even sure if I'll tell my parents. I know my elderly mother will not understand, and she'll be sick with worry. Do I tell my siblings? Part of me worries that I'll be fodder for their gossip. None of them have a weight problem. I would really appreciate hearing your stories. I'm very close to my children and I know they'll support me. It's the initial conversation I'm worried about. Thank you!

[rome 156]

Julie: I have gone back and forth about telling family for many of the same reasons. I got some good advice.....tell who you want as close to the surgery as possible. Let them know that it is out of courtesy that you're telling them. That while they may have their thoughts and concerns they are not up for discussion. You have made this decision for yourself and hope they can support you. You don't have to explain or defend your decision. Seems a little hard line but I think it shows your confidence in doing this and doesn't put you in a place to doubt and second guess yourself because of someone else's opinion. As a mom myself, it's time to take care of ourselves for a change :-)

Good luck!

[Life in Progress 9]

_{Telling is the hardest part of the process. I was trying to come up with a great answer for you but after thinking of all of the emotions and feelings that are involved I can't find the right words of when, where and how to tell. With anyone I have told, there was just a feeling when the right moment came and it would just come out. I kept pretty private beforehand and the people I did tell happened the week before my surgery. After surgery I was more of an open book because what was done was done and there was nothing to be talked out of. Thinking on the other side of things as a daughter, I know I have been mad at my mom for having surgery and procedures and not telling me. I think that is a worse feeling than knowing and worrying about her having a procedure beforehand if that makes sense. That is one good reason to tell your kids.}

[erp 2,016]

Hi everyone, I'm a few months into my journey. I've completed all of the insurance requirements, met with my surgeon, and made positive changes. I've only told 2 people about my surgery, which I expect to be performed in May--my husband, and my friend at work, who went through the surgery 6 months ago. Could anyone please offer advice on how to tell my children, and possibly my parents? My kids are 31, 29, 21, 19 & 15. I don't want them to worry, especially my youngest. I also don't want them to think that I've given up--I spent so much time teaching them to work hard and persevere. Now I feel like a hypocrite. I'm not even sure if I'll tell my parents. I know my elderly mother will not understand, and she'll be sick with worry. Do I tell my siblings? Part of me worries that I'll be fodder for their gossip. None of them have a weight problem. I would really appreciate hearing your stories. I'm very close to my children and I know they'll support me. It's the initial conversation I'm worried about. Thank you!

Who you tell or not is up to you. However I think you probably have to tell your youngest kids if they are still at home. They are going to know something's going on when you get full off of three bites! I usually don't respond to these threads b/c I think telling or not is a personal decision however I was prompted by your remarks about giving up, hard work and perseverance.

Not taking control of your health and weight IS giving up. We lose weight with the help of surgery but let me assure you that this journey is hard and will require work. Don't believe the "it's the easy way out" mentality. Sitting on your tush, overeating and gaining weight, now that is easy. WLS is the ultimate in perseverance because it changes your life forever. Good luck on your journey.

[JaneyB 28]

I think I would err on the side of not telling people you aren't completely comfortable telling. You will probably have to fill in any kids still at home. I think it would be less worrying for them to know what is going on than to see all the changes you will be having and physical issues you may have and not knowing what is going on.

The thing is you can always change your mind and choose to tell someone in the future once you feel it is best. You can't change your mind and untell someone.

This will be a hard thing you are doing and you don't need to stress yourself unnecessarily.

Edited April 2, 2014 by JaneyB

[JulieA 8]

Thanks, everyone. I was thinking of only telling those closest to me, and only when I'm close to my surgery date. I'm so glad that most of you concur. I do have a follow-up

[JulieA 8]

Question, though: how do you answer when acquaintances ask how you've lost the weight? Lying seems wrong, but I don't really want to discuss my surgery, either.

[rome 156]

I am saying that I am on a doctor supervised diet low in carbs......that is the truth :-) Much like an Atkins diet for those on the outside

[JulieA 8]

Thanks, Rome. I thought I could also say that I'm eating much smaller portions, which is also true, right?